It Was Only His Baby
by Juliamine
Summary: Alice and Bella want what any couple wants, a baby. Bella asks her best friend Edward to contribute to the cause. He agrees but on one condition. B/A and B/E pairing. Lemons!
1. The condition

**AN: This is my first fan fiction ever! I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it! **

**HUGE props to my wonderful beta BellaMadonna, she truly worked miracles on my rough draft. You are a beta marvel! **

**Special thanks to Just_write and JMCullen for their encouraging words, thank you ladies!**

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_A gold star lesbian is a lesbian who has never slept with a man and has no intention of ever sleeping with a man._

**BPOV**

That's me, Bella Swan, a gold star lesbian. At the ripe age of 25 I am by hetero standards still a virgin. Don't get me wrong, I've had tons of sex in my life, just no sex that has involved an honest-to-god, flesh-and-blood penis.

I don't know when I realized I was a lesbian. I'd like to think the realization came when I met Alice. She came into my life like a whirlwind. At 18 years old, I had never given much thought to dating. I mean, I had crushes here and there. I had a crush on my best friend, Edward, once. But nothing ever happened and we eventually were just tight as any best friends could be, I'm pretty sure my 'crush' was just friend feelings that I misunderstood.

When I saw Alice for the first time, in my college pottery class, I was taken aback at how my heart jumped at just the sight of her. Her little hands held so much talent when it came to the clay. She made whimsical pieces depicting goddesses of the earth, water, fire, etc. They looked so lifelike. I felt myself sitting closer to her during each class. It took almost 2 weeks to get up the nerve to sit right next to her and talk to her. From that moment on, we were inseparable, and the rest I could say is history.

Seven years later we live in a small house in the artsy part of town. The part of town where people ride bicycles and grow their own vegetables, not as a hobby but as a lifestyle. We converted the garage into a pottery studio for Alice. She has become rather well known for her hand built sculptures, it amazes me the pieces she creates.

"Hey, baby!" she called to me as I walked into her studio shortly after getting home from work.

As I walked over to her, I couldn't help but just not care about the clay on her hands that would most likely get on my clothing, and I pulled her close to me. "Mmm, I missed you today" I really had missed her.

"Aww baby, I missed you too," she leaned in for a kiss. "Give me some love."

Her kisses always felt so right. Her soft lips, the smell of her skin, the taste of her. I was like putty in her hands.

I kissed her luscious lips tenderly while gently caressing her cheek, and considered deepening the kiss. However, Alice wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled her lips away to look at me.

"So how was your day?" she asked.

"My day was long. I'm just glad it's over." I wished to myself I had her talent with art so I could play with clay all day. Problem was I didn't. And when I did make something I liked, somehow I would break off a major part of it and have to start all over again. I continued to vent about work. "Mike drove me crazy with talk of his date with Jessica. And Angela drove me crazy as well with all her wedding talk." I shook my head in disgust. "I swear I will be so happy when she has her fucking wedding and she can use her brain to work rather than plan a wedding."

"Well, babe, she's just excited." Alice was way too nice; I wished sometimes she would talk shit with me! "You can't tell me that if we were actually allowed to be married, you wouldn't talk about it all the time?"

"Ok fine, you're right." I conceded. "Why don't you clean yourself up and I'll start dinner."

Giving me a flirtatious smile, she nodded. "I think tonight would be the perfect night to ask you know who, you know what." She said, slapping me on my ass as she headed in the house.

Though we were a couple, we were missing a key element to complete us. We had a house together, shared a bed, and played married as any man and woman. The only thing missing was the pitter patter of little feet. We both knew we wanted to have children together, and we both knew it would take a bit more planning that the average couple. Alice and I had been planning for months to start a family. We had already decided I would carry the first child, as she needed mobility for now during her art shows and such. We had also decided she would carry the next child, using the same donor if at all possible. The one problem, we didn't have a donor.

This is where Edward comes in. Alice felt he was perfect to make a baby with, and she was right: He was smart, handsome, and had a body that put straight women on their backs in two seconds flat. Not to mention he would have no qualms with signing over all parental rights to us, of that I had no worries. But what could be holding me back from asking him? I assured myself I was only scared of rejection.

"Alice, I think I should ask him on my own. He might be easier to handle if it's just one of us." I bit my lip slightly. "If both of us were to ask he might feel a bit ganged up on." I spoke to the bathroom door, knowing she was inside freshening up.

"Ok babe, whatever you think. Just ask soon, ok?" She said. I could hear the insistence in her voice.

"Tomorrow. I promise." I replied. I kicked off my shoes and socks, and headed into the kitchen to prep for dinner. As I rummaged through the fridge for ingredients to my famous apricot glazed chicken, I heard a knock on the door.

"I'll get it!" I called to Alice.

A smile and bronze hair greeted me on the other side of the door. My best friend Edward. I may be gay, but I am no putz who doesn't realize how handsome this guy is. Too handsome to be single, in fact. But that's how he rolls. Single, no strings, and content hanging out with two lesbians who love the shit out of him. Hmmm, yes, I thought, I can only hope those green eyes are a dominant gene.

"Hey you!" I exclaimed, honestly happy to see the man. Its so nice having a man as a best friend. I have tried being close friends with women but somehow we always ended up having threesomes with them and down the toilet went any chance at real friendship.

He enveloped me in a hug and patted me on the back. "So, what's for dinner?" he said, releasing me quickly and heading for the living room.

I gave his retreating back a smirk before answering. "Apricot glazed chicken on a bed of brown rice, served with a huge glass of wine."

"Wine eh?" he turned and gave me a smirk of his own. "You're such a lightweight, Bella. Did someone have a bad day at the office?" He said knowingly. He knew I didn't drink unless I really needed to.

"Yeah, I just really hate the fact that I pull everyone's weight around there." I felt a rant coming on as I followed him. "But lets not talk about work, okay?" I gave a dismissive shake of my head. "Talk to me! Did you get a date today?"

"Umm, no Bella." He rolled his eyes at me. "I work in a hospital, remember? I could understand you asking that if I worked in a bar or something, but really!"

I giggled at him as he grabbed me and tried to rub my head with his knuckles for a noogie. Alice walked in with a grin on her face.

"Are you sure you two aren't related?" she asked, crossing to give Edward a hug. "I mean, you act like you're brother and sister, I swear!"

"Thank god I'm not related to him!" I teased, giving him a slap on the shoulder, as he released me to hug Alice.

"You only wish you were cool enough to be related to me." He said with a laugh.

"Pffft. You only wish you were cool!" I rolled my eyes and headed into the kitchen. "Alright, let's get dinner done."

Dinner was eaten quickly, as we each took turns talking about our day either at the office, hospital, or studio. After dinner, we retreated to the living room to drink some wine and chat. I sat next to Alice on the couch, while Edward took a seat in the chair next to the couch.

"So what's the next step for you two? Move to Canada so you can make it legal?" He asked. I think he was actually serious.

"No." Alice said, glancing at me, love shining in her eyes. "We don't need a paper to tell us we'll be together as long as we both shall live."

"True, I was just wondering though." He said, looking thoughtful. "Wouldn't you feel just more _complete_ with said paper?"

Alice paused briefly, looking at me for a moment. I shook my head at her, hoping she wouldn't tell him our plans. This was something I wanted to tell Edward about on my own.

"I think there are other ways to complete us, to make us feel more like a family." She said, winking at me.

"Ok, well on that note," he said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "I'd best head home for some shut eye." Getting out of his chair, he leaned down and gave me a small hug. I got up and walked him to the door, not exactly sure what was going on in his head. I guess our affection in front of him made him feel a bit uncomfortable. That was odd.

"See you later, Edweirdo." I said, trying to hold back the giggle.

"I'm tired, so I'm going to let that one slip." He said with a smile. "Goodnight."

After locking the door, I went back into the living room to find it was empty. Figuring Alice had gone to bed, I turned off all the lights as I made my way to our bedroom. I found Alice in bed, not looking the least bit sleepy. I changed into my night shirt and climbed in bed and snuggled up to her.

As we lay in bed, legs intertwined, I delicately moved my hand up her side, just barely grazing her breast, gingerly holding her neck to pull her in for a kiss. "Bella." She whispered as my lips parted, tasting her lips with my tongue. Her tongue met mine, softly linking and causing a moan to erupt from my throat. I pulled away from her just long enough to pull my shirt over my head, leaving me naked except for my panties. She followed my lead, taking off her nightie, revealing she was completely naked underneath.

"That's no fair, baby." She said, lust lacing her voice. She traced her finger down my neck, to my breast, lingering on my nipple for a moment, continuing down my stomach, before hooking her finger on my panties. I lifted my hips slightly to help her, and she pulled my panties down my legs. I kicked them the rest of the way off.

Without breaking our kiss, I started playing with her breast, lightly tugging on the nipple and feeling it react to my touch. Her hand was on my hip; and she slowly moved her hand around towards my lower stomach, just grazing the top of my groin. Trying hard to concentrate on caressing her body, I found myself pausing briefly when her fingers found purchase on the folds of my heated sex. She dipped her finger to gently rub my clit, causing me to moan loudly. Pulling her closer, our kiss deepened as I forced my tongue into her mouth, desperately seeking deeper contact.

Wanting to give her the same pleasure, I took my hand from her breast and progressed to her sex, slipping a finger inside her. Her pussy was so wet for me. I felt her slip two fingers inside me, and begin to pump them inside me. I followed her lead, and slipped three fingers in her, pumping with a steady pace to match hers. Using my free hand to caress her breast, our breathing got even heavier. Moans filled the room as our orgasms approached. As my fingers continued to pump inside her, I moved my thumb on the same hand and began rubbing her swollen clit. I felt her palm rubbing my clit as she fingered my aching center, and felt the start of my orgasm. I threw my head back as our bodies trembled with pleasure as our orgasms swept our bodies.

I slowly removed my fingers from her, waiting until her eyes opened to look at me before bringing my fingers to my mouth to lick them clean. She kissed me deeply and sighed, still high from her orgasm, her heartbeat slowly getting back to normal.

Without saying a word, she turned over so I could spoon her. I kissed her shoulder. And whispered to her my love as we both let slumber claim us.

As I fell asleep, I envisioned my pregnant belly, round and tight. And then I pictured a fair skinned green eyed baby, with me and Alice as his mothers. I fell asleep with a smile on my face. This is going to be a very good year was my last thought.

***

The clock read ten until nine, so, I rolled over and snuggled Alice for a while before getting out of bed and heading to the bathroom. Weekends are the best; I could sleep as late as I wanted. And I got to hang out with my sweet Alice all day. Today would be a good day, but different. I needed to talk to Edward. I wanted to get that out of the way. I had just gotten over my period five days ago so I knew I had about a week to get him to say yes and hand over his magic milk.

I grabbed my phone and started texting.

_Hey Edward, wake up. You and I are hanging out today. Just you and me. You better not have plans._

He just loves it when I belittle him, I giggled to myself. Less than a minute later my phone beeped with a text.

_Good morning to you too! And yes I do have plans… at least I do now. Hanging out with you today. When, where?_

Oh no! I was actually starting to feel nervous. What if he says no?

_Your place, I'll bring movies. You provide popcorn. I'll be there in an hour._

_See you then._ He replied

Ok, Bella, time to get on your big girl panties and ask your best friend if he will share his sperm with us.

Shouldn't be hard. Just jack off in a cup, no strings.

Right, just a baby that shares his genes, no big deal.

This may be harder than I thought.

After kissing Alice goodbye and her giving me words of encouragement, I headed to Edwards house. He lived just five minutes away, in a house way too big for just one person. I parked in his driveway, and headed to his front door. I walked in like I owned the place, without even a knock.

"Hey!" He called as he walked down the stairs towards me.

"Morning" I said, as we exchanged a quick hug. My voice sounded a little nervous, even to my ears. This was not how I wanted this day to play out, with me being nervous.

Raising one eyebrow at me, he grabbed the movies from my hand and walked toward the TV room. As I followed behind him, I was quickly losing my nerve to ask my favor. An anonymous donor was sounding better and better by the second!

The day went by quickly. We watched a movie, ate popcorn, and I occasionally threw a few kernels in his direction just to piss him off. By the time the evening came, we had watched two movies, talked about his most recent sexcapade, and had taken a walk around the block. Soon I needed to get home to Alice, so I decided now was the time. I had to ask him now… or never.

"So Edward." I started, just stopping myself from biting my lip in a display of nerves. He turned to look at me, with an inquisitive look on his face. I continued, "Alice and I are partners."

"Um yes… is this supposed to be news to me?" He quipped, his eyes questioning.

"Sorry, I'm just…" fuck, I was too nervous. I was being a blubbering idiot here! Time to calm down and start over.

"Edward, AliceandIwanttohaveachildtogether." I blurted out. If I said it all quickly, I could get my answer and leave quicker.

"Wow, I didn't realize you grew a dick Bella." He deadpanned. "I'm impressed! Been eating pussy so long that your body chose to make you equipped to better please, I suppose." He teased, looking at me with that signature cocked eyebrow.

"Wow, you're an asshole!" My reaction showing clearly that I wasn't amused.

"I'm just teasing, Bella." He said, his voice now held a cajoling tone as he tried to mollify me. "I think that's great. But how does that work?"

"Well, we get donor sperm. And well, I am going to carry the baby."

_I can do this. I can do this. _I chanted to myself.

Just say it.

"Edward, will you please be the donor." I couldn't hide the pleading in my voice. "No strings, you sign off on the baby and we raise it. You won't be responsible for it at all." I struggled to find the right words to explain this to him. "I just… we just… we trust you and you're smart, and handsome, and the epitome of what we want our donor to be." I was breathless now as I had I just said all that in one breath.

His silence was unbearable. The look on his face was priceless and in any other situation I would have been laughing at his pained expression. Shock, terror, and distress all at once. But I didn't feel like laughing, I felt like darting out the door and into the arms of my woman so she could comfort me.

"I'm sorry, Edward, I shouldn't have asked." I got up and headed to the door as quickly as possible, struggling to hold myself together long enough to get out the door.

"Wait!" He exclaimed as he grabbed my arm. "Don't go yet."

"I'm sorry Edward." I repeated, keeping my face averted from his gaze. God! I felt so stupid right now!

"Listen, you caught me off guard here." He moved his head to look me in the face, but I still wouldn't meet his eyes. "I think it's something we should discuss." He said sincerely.

"Really?" I replied, finally letting my eyes lock with his green ones. I was truly shocked he was even willing to talk about it.

"Yes, now get your ass back on the couch and talk to me like a big girl." He half pulled, half dragged me back to the sofa. "You have your big girl panties on right now, right?" He knew me way to well.

I sat down on the couch, and he plopped down next to me. He put his hand on his chin and rested his elbow on his knee and it looked as if he was really concentrating. It seemed like forever before he started talking again.

"Listen," he began, "I don't want a kid." I felt my heard drop. "I'm thrilled that you and Alice feel the need to have one, but I just don't think it's a good idea for me right now."

"Edward, I don't think you understand." I stated in a rush. "This is for me and Alice. Not me and you." I needed to make him understand. "You would sign away your rights to the baby, and forfeit any legal responsibilities for the baby. Same sex couples do this all the time." I watched his face closely as my words sank in.

"Uh, ok. They may, but I don't do this all the time." He retorted.

"I know, but you're my best friend." I had to get him to at least consider what I was asking. "You're the one person I trust above all others aside from Alice. And you should feel the same way about me, right?" My voice and eyes pleaded with him.

"Yes, you're right. I trust you." He admitted. _Good! At least he was willing to listen._

"Just think about it, ok?" I got up and started walking to the door. "I'll come over tomorrow."

"Ok," he said absently "tomorrow, right." I noticed his eyes looked slightly glazed over.

Oh shit! I think I just put the man in shock!

I left quickly and raced home to see Alice, feeling a sense of dread overcome me. What had I just asked of my friend? Who has seen me through all my fights with Alice, talked me through the feelings of anguish when Alice and I experienced lesbian bed death; and now I just nearly killed him with my request for his sperm! Fuck! I hope he doesn't act weird to me now.

I slept horribly that night, tossing and turning, only to wake up the next morning to an empty bed. I got up and searched the house for my sweet Alice. I found her in the guest room, asleep, that was a shock. What the fuck?

"Alice?" I whispered, trying to wake her up.

Her sleepy eyes opened and she looked at me for a moment before she murmured, her eyes full of sleep. "Hey baby! You tossed and turned so much I couldn't sleep, sorry baby."

"Oh, ok. I was just wondering where you went." I said. "I'm headed to Edwards after I get ready. I'm hoping he'll consent to father our baby, but I'm not too optimistic." I didn't want to raise her hopes.

"Tell him it's the one and only time he can knock someone up without all the drama," She teased. "Maybe that will change his mind." I wished I could be that optimistic.

With a sigh, I headed to our bedroom to get ready for the day.

***

I arrived at Edward's in record time, and had somehow decided during the short car ride to tell him never mind. This wasn't worth me stressing. I had barely reached the door when it was flung open and my shocked eyes fell on a grinning Edward.

"Umm, ok." I said, "What are you smiling about?" I asked as I walked through the door, watching his face closely. I was a bit weirded out by his apparent happy mood.

"Well, I have an answer for you." _Oh, God, he had made up his mind!_

"Oh really?" I said, trying to keep the hope out of my voice. "Ok, well let me sit down and then you can let me have it." He raised an eyebrow at me, and followed me to the living room.

"Bella, I'm not going to lie to you." He began, and I could tell he was choosing his words carefully. "I was shocked when you asked me to donate sperm for you. I mean," He paused for a moment, searching for the right words. "I shouldn't say shocked, I was freaked the fuck out."

"Not sure where you're going with this Edward, but please continue." I still would not allow myself to hope.

"Well, I have decided that I will give you my sperm to make a baby." He announced, looking rather smug in fact. "I know I have some spectacular genes that any woman would want to get her hands on, and so I decided fine. Let's do it. You're my best friend, and I know you want this."

"Oh my god Edward!" I could hardly contain myself, this was way too easy! I wanted to jump up and down, and scream my joy to the world!

"But…' he paused, and my heart stopped at that word. "I have a condition." I felt my joy dashed to the ground.

I decided not to say anything, to just let him say whatever his condition was. It couldn't be that bad, could it? He already said yes.

"My condition is this." He started, locking his eyes on mine. "I will father a baby for you. I will knock you up happily, and then sign away my rights for you and Alice so you can be a happy little family." He paused for a moment, and then continued. "But, I will only do this the natural way."

"What do you mean the natural way?" I was baffled, my confusion evident on my face. What could be more natural than a sperm and an egg meeting? I thought.

"I mean," his voice suddenly deathly serious, "you and I conceive the baby like a man and woman would in nature."

My mouth fell open, shocked and appalled: I was speechless.

_FUCK!_

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**I hope you enjoyed! Reviews are food for the soul!**


	2. Bella's decision

**AN: Thank you my amazing beta Bellamadonna, I love her to pieces! If you haven't already, you need to read her fic "Bella the Lioness", its fantastic! **

**No lemons in this chapter, sorry for that but there just was no spot for it. But I WILL make it up to you guys in chapters soon to come!**

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BPOV

My head was spinning. The knee-jerk reaction was to instantly say no to his proposal, and why I didn't is beyond me. All I could do was tell him I had to think about it and make a mad dash to my car. My heart was pounding furiously, because somewhere in my mind I was considering this. I should have instantly said no. Not to mention Alice that would never agree. I had to get home and talk to her; and she needed to talk some sense into me.

The drive home felt like ages. I found myself reminiscing about when I first met Edward. How our friendship blossomed into close friends, like family.

_It was my first day at a new school. Midway through sophomore year I was forced to switch schools when my mother remarried and chose to go on the road with her man. She sent me to live with my dad, Charlie, in the small town of Forks, Washington. _

_I was walking to school, since my hooptie truck had decided not to start this morning. A car pulled up next to me and I heard the whir of a power window and then a soft as velvet voice ask me "Need a ride?"_

_Lowering my head enough to see inside, I got the glimpse of one of the best looking boys I had ever seen. His hair was shiny bronze in all disarray like he just got out of the shower and forgot to brush it. My eyes were dazed and confused as his green ones found mine. _

"_Um, sorry I don't take rides from strangers." I said, not really knowing what to say. I wanted to get in, but I tended to be awkward around new people. I didn't feel like making an ass out of myself today._

"_I'm Edward Cullen." He said, eyeing my backpack. "And I'm going to assume you're on your way to the high school. I'm headed that way too." His eyes smiled at me while his lips curved into a crooked smile. "And you are?"_

"_Right… my name." See, awkward! "I'm Bella. Bella Swan."_

"_Alright, Bella. See, now we aren't strangers." He said triumphantly. "Get in."_

_A little dumbstruck by his logic, I nevertheless hesitantly I got into the car and buckled my seatbelt just in time for him to step on the gas. The force from the acceleration forced my head back to the head rest and a small gasp escaped my throat._

"_Sorry, sometimes I forget I'm not drag racing." He said, with laughter in his voice._

_I giggled at his remark, and felt myself become completely comfortable. We talked about our classes and discovered we shared several of the same ones. He offered to keep a seat next to him for me. I gratefully accepted. _

_Over the next few months we became close, spending after school hours together doing homework and watching movies. He was the best friend a girl could have. I felt like I could be myself around him, and not have to worry about being judged. _

_It was springtime in Forks, and the prom committee was in full force. Banners and flyers were all over the school begging all to buy tickets to the dance. I was pleased that I would be out of town for that weekend; I couldn't dance so going out of town was the perfect excuse to not put myself through that misery. _

_Edward and I were taking a walk between finishing our homework and dinner when he asked me. _

"_Bella, will you go to prom with me?" he asked, his voice full of hope._

_My heart practically dropped into my stomach when I had to tell Edward I would be out of town. He told me he understood, that he would ask Jessica to go. The thought made me a bit sad, but we were just friends, I thought. _

_Prom weekend came and went. I returned home from visiting my mother for the weekend to find Edward and Jessica officially a couple. I played it off like I didn't care, he was still my BFF. But I couldn't help but wonder what if I had stayed in town? What if…?_

I was brought from my reverie by a honking horn as I sat for way too long in front of a green light. I shook my head to bring myself into the present, and continued my drive home.

I pulled up to our house to find that Alice had gone out. It was Sunday afternoon, so she would be at her parents' house having a late brunch. A brunch I would normally be at, but instead I was at Edward's house with the intention of coming home with great news. I did get a yes answer from him, but how could I fulfill his requirement?

Edward had been my best friend through thick and thin, and I trusted him more than anyone aside from Alice. But I am with Alice. What he was proposing just wasn't right. Struggling to stop myself from spiraling into a panic attack, I decided to lay down for a nap.

"Bella." Alice whispered into my ear, slowly bringing me back to consciousness. "Bella, love." She whispered again, rubbing my back in slow circles.

"Mmmhmm, hey baby." I croaked, as I tried to rub the sleep from my eyes. "I'm glad you're home."

"Aww, I missed you too, baby." She said, as I turned to face her and pull her in for an embrace. "So tell me," she said, with a smile in her voice, not trying to hide her excitement. "Do you have any news for me?"

My brain must have been asleep still, because I answered her before I had decided anything myself.

"Yes, he's willing to do it for us." I said bluntly, the lack of excitement in my voice unmistakable.

Her eyes got big and her face filled with a huge smile. She hugged me tightly as she squealed with excitement. "Oh my god!" She squealed in enthusiasm, ignoring my tone of voice. "That's so great!"

"Please, Alice, no spermination has happened yet." I said, as I rubbed my hands on my head trying to find a way to will myself to break the bad news to her. "I think it's a bit early to get yourself all worked up."

"Well, it will happen soon! And that's good enough for me!" She said, as she bounced on the bed from her exhilaration.

"Yeah, I guess." I said, as I rolled over and crawled out of bed.

"Did I miss something, Bella?" She asked, raising an eyebrow at me. She stopped her happy bouncing and her smiling face turning into one of confusion. "Because you don't seem nearly as thrilled as I thought you would be."

"Well, Alice, I was thinking maybe we… uh…" I said, staring at my hands, unable to look her in the eyes. "I'm just nervous." I blurted out. I was such a coward. I couldn't even attempt to tell her about Edward's request. The very thought made my stomach churn, and my heart speed to an unhealthy rate. "I mean, Edward clearly stated to me he didn't want a child. I know the baby would be ours, but I don't want him to get all weird. Know what I mean?" I looked at her with pleading in my eyes, desperately trying to relay the problem without saying the words.

"Why would you think that? I mean, we discussed this, and we discussed this_ a lot_." She said, emphasizing the last word. Confusion was clear on her face. "We have so many friends who have already done this," she said, never raising her voice though her eyes showed her upset. "That should not be an issue, Bella"

"I know, its just… I think… I don't know." I was trying to come up with something, but I was never good at thinking up stories on the spot. "He is my best friend, and he has become a close friend for you too. I don't know that I can handle losing him if the situation got too strained." I pleaded, I needed to convince her.

She shook her head like she was confused and her eyebrows came together as she closed her eyes and brought up a hand to pinch the bridge of her nose. She seemed to use the moment to compose herself before she turned to me.

"Bella, think about it." She pleaded, as she reached for my hand and gently stroked my palm. "We know his family history, and we will always be able to ask him more in the future if needed. He can be like an uncle to our baby. And if we went to a sperm clinic, we would have only a limited amount of tries." She spoke calmly, though her eyes spoke of her sadness. "With Edward, when we know it's the right time of the month we can get it any time from him." A small smile erupted from the corner of her mouth. "I'm sure he won't complain if he has to get more… uh… ready for us," she said with a smile, winking at me.

I couldn't help but smile at that statement. She wanted this; she wanted Edward to be the donor so badly. I did too, but was I willing to give myself as sacrifice? Yes, I would, simply because I would do anything for Alice. Anything!

"Come with me." She said, as she grabbed my hand pulling me to a stand. "I have something I want to show you."

She led me to her studio and opened the door. The smell of pottery from her kiln was heavy in the air. It was a smell hard to describe, a very organic smell. Her studio was the size of an average garage. The walls were filled with racks meant for keeping her pieces in various stages of development, from wet to completely dry and a shelf for pieces already fired. She had two kilns used for firing her pieces, which were positioned under a large vent to allow the fumes to escape. In the center of the studio was a large canvas covered table where she did most of her work. She had a pottery wheel as well, but she preferred sculpting by hand.

She let go of my hand, and walked to the corner of her studio where there was a sheet covering something that looked to be the size of a gallon of milk.

She smiled at me, and motioned me closer.

"Come here, I have a something I want to show you." She said serenely.

I walked to where she stood, and questioned her with my eyes.

"I've been working on this for a couple months." She began. "I wanted to make something special for us." She raised her hand, and placed it on the sheet. "Something that signifies our ambitions and our future."

She slowly pulled off the sheet, and let it fall to the floor.

My hand flew to my open mouth as I gasped in awe of what was hidden beneath. There stood a sculpture of a heavily pregnant woman. Her breasts were large and rested on top of her swollen belly. She had no face, but a round head covered in texture where her face should be. Her hands came around her stomach and rested on the peak of her stomach. She sat cross legged, her belly resting between her legs. The color of stone only magnified the beauty of the sculpture.

"Wow!" I said, a wave of pride swelling in my chest. "It's magnificent!"

She let out a shy quiet laugh, as she pulled me closer to it.

"I made it for us." She said, rubbing her fingers on the porcelain belly. "She's a fertility goddess." She picked up the piece, and brought it closer to us. "She is thought to promote fertility, pregnancy, and birth."

I couldn't help myself as I let my finger trace along the swollen belly of the piece. I felt almost in a trance. I was mesmerized by the beauty of the piece, and the thoughtfulness of my Alice. She had obviously put so much into this piece. Her body and soul went into creating a piece so spectacular, to represent the new phase in our relationship. It was that moment, I knew. I would give this to her, to me, and to us as a whole.

"Ok, baby, we'll do it your way." I said, as I felt a lump in my gut screaming at me how wrong I was for not telling her.

"No, we'll do it our way." She confirmed, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the door. "Let's go for a walk, and then eat some celebratory chocolate cake that my mom sent home with me."

***

I started using OPT's (ovulation predictor tests) right away. It was light showing I was not ovulating, but I knew once it indicated the darkness of the control window I would be ripe, so to speak. I had already taken three, and they seemed to get darker by the day. It wouldn't be much longer before it was time.

Alice and I decided to go out to the gay bar to dance and have fun while we could, baby free. Alice picked out my outfit for the evening, choosing a pair of shiny black Mary Jane pumps with a simple black sleeveless dress that came to mid thigh, the back dipped to my lower back showing a bit more skin that I was used to. I wore my hair down, allowing my chestnut curls to settle on my bare back, tickling the tender skin.

"Wow, Bella." Alice said, appraising me from head to toe. "You look hot!"

"Thanks." Was all I could get out as I felt the blood rush to my face, blushing profusely. "You're pretty damn hot yourself!" I said, waving my hand up and down towards her body. She looked hot as hell in her blue shimmering short jumpsuit with matching pumps.

"Let's get out of here!" She said, as she grabbed her purse and headed to the door.

As I walked from our bedroom toward to front door, I could hear Alice talking to someone. Rounding the corner, my heart sped up then nearly stopped when I saw that she was talking to none other than Edward. He looked hot and sweaty wearing jogging shorts and a tank top. His eyes rose from Alice to me and his eyebrow cocked up.

"Hi, Bella," he said, giving me a crooked smile. "I was on a run and thought I would stop by." His eyes stayed firmly on me, as I tried hard to smile back. "I haven't heard from you since Sunday."

It was true; I had completely been ignoring him since his declaration of his little 'condition'. I needed to keep my head clear and come to terms with accepting the fine print of our arrangement. I needed to take a couple days and immerse myself in Alice as much as I could. Sex has never been something I took lightly; I needed to affirm that I could handle my time with him as merely 'casual encounters'. If I didn't have Alice, I could drown easily. But Alice was my life preserver; she would keep me afloat whether she knew it or not.

"Umm, yeah I know." I said, keeping a smile on my face to keep Alice from questioning me later. "Sorry about that, Alice and I have been busy."

"Speaking of busy." Alice chimed in. "We best get going if we want to get a parking spot!" She walked out the door. "I'll warm up the car. Lock up ok Bella?"

Once Alice was out of sight, Edward walked up to me and looked at me intently.

"Have you come to a decision?" He asked, his voice intense as he watched my face closely.

My head was spinning, I hadn't said the words aloud and I knew once I did, there would be no going back.

"Yes, I have." I said, my gaze fell to the floor.

"And?" He said quietly, his hand grasping my chin pulling my head up to look at him.

I took a step back from him before answering. I had to make him understand I meant business.

"And," I said, with conviction in my voice. "I agree to it. Alice wants this bad, and I will do anything for her."

He was quiet for a moment, opening his mouth to say something only to be interrupted by a car horn. Alice was not the most patient person.

"I'll call you when its time." I quickly said, ushering him to the door. "I have to get going." Locking the door behind us, we walked to the car in silence.

"I'll see you soon, Bella." He said, glancing to Alice briefly then back to me. "By the way, you look incredible tonight." He said softly, for my ears only before he turned his back to me and returned to his jog. I stood for a few moments, watching his retreating form trying to calm the sudden uptake in my heart rate.

With a sigh, I opened the car door and got in. Alice's mood was enchanting; she was dancing in her seat to the music the car was playing as we drove to our destination and I couldn't help myself from joining in. Tonight was a night for celebration, and I there was no way I would allow anything to get me down tonight.

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**AN: Reviews make me write better lemons, I'm just saying! Also, I wanted to know if you want to read Edward's POV up to this point, or just keep it to Bella's POV and move on from here. Let me know in the review or pm me, thanks!**


	3. Flesh For the Win

**AN: BellaMadonna is the world's sweetest and best beta a writer could ask for! Patient and utterly the friendliest person around. I 3 you, Momma! Go read her story, Bella the Lioness… NOW! **

**This chapter was fun for me to write, and I think you will se why. Enough of my banter, enjoy!**

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**BPOV**

Tossing and turning had become a nightly ritual for me. For the past couple nights, Alice had been forced into the guest room as a result of my sleep deprivation. I couldn't help it, the second I closed my eyes my mind would race. Visions of me and Edward, dancing in the most intimate way possible, and the fear that was invoked in me from the thought of it were all I could think about.

The guilt on my conscious was heavy. I found myself smothering Alice during the times we were together. I had to drown myself in her very existence before I would commit to the ultimate act, all in the name of baby making. All in the name of making my woman happy and giving her what she wanted.

_It's just a body. I will not give my mind to him, just my body. _

I had given myself serious pep talks since the day I decided to give in to Edward. I had tried to convince myself if I believed it enough, that I could use my body and somehow separate it from my heart and soul. If I didn't do this, any type of relationship with Edward after this would be impossible.

My eyes snapped open, and I looked at the digital clock on the nightstand. It read 5:18 am. Way to early to be awake, but way too late to try and take anything to help get some Z's.

I rolled out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. Once inside, I opened the drawer and grabbed a pee stick, calling them a OPT just seemed to technical to me. So I called it what it was, a stick to pee on.

Settling on the toilet, I passed the stick through the stream as per usual and set it on the counter. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I waited for the sink water to heat up and looked at myself in the mirror. The reflection revealed a sleepy woman with a heavy heart. My eyes showed the struggle I had been giving in to for a week now.

I had given myself enough grief! Now, I had to make myself a promise to that I would be strong. Feeling the sleep in my head, I felt myself get silly as I started singing to myself.

_I'm every woman,_

_its all in me._

_Anything you want done, baby,_

_I'll do it naturally_

"Yeah, that's right Whitney Houston," I said into the mirror, pointing to my reflection. "You've got nothing on me and my moves!"

_Wow, I have really lost my mind._

A quiet knock on the bathroom door snapped me out of my concert for one, causing my cheeks to burn instantly.

I opened the door, and found a smiling Alice on the other side. Clearly tired, but seemingly amused from my impromptu a cappella karaoke performance.

"Hi Whitney," she teased, her eyes searching the bathroom. "You wouldn't happen to have seen my girlfriend around here have you?" Somehow managing the words before a fit of giggles consumed her.

"No, I don't see her," I teased, reaching to her and pulling her into a tight hug. "But I'm more than willing to take her place while you look for her," I taunted, feathering kisses along her neck.

"What are you doing up so early, baby?" She questioned, her eyes closed as I continued my kiss attack.

"I couldn't sleep," I answered truthfully. She didn't need to be concerned as to why. "So, I got up, used a pee stick, and felt like giving myself a pep concert," I said, pointing to the counter where the accused stick lay.

"And?" she said, requesting to know what answers the little plastic stick held.

"And," I said, rolling my eyes out of mock annoyance and walking to the counter, "I have yet to check." I reached my hand for the alleged pee stick.

She walked closer to me, and reached for the stick.

"Ah ah!" I said, raising my free hand and wagging my finger at her. "Patience. We can look together," I stated, lifting my eyebrows at her to show her I was teasing.

I flipped over the stick, and we both peered at the little lines in the little 'window', or so it was called. I gasped as I looked at the result. Dark, purple almost, darker than the control window. My heart sped as the realization came upon me. I was ovulating. It was time.

"Oh my GOD!" Alice squealed, jumping up and down as she clapped her hands in excitement. "You're ripe!" She exclaimed, wrapping her little arms around my waist and pulling me into a bear hug.

"Alice, please," I pleaded; she was cutting off my air supply with her exuberance. "You're going to kill any chances of having babies if you continue to squeeze me so hard!" I said in an amused tone.

"Call him!" she demanded, patience was not her strong point.

"How about his," I reasoned, trying to keep my mind off Edward at this very moment. "Lets lie down and try to get a little more rest, and when it's a better time of day, we'll call him." I looked her straight in the eyes, suddenly feeling the weight of the situation and desperately needing to sleep a little longer.

Sighing heavily and clearly put out for me even thinking of waiting, she nodded and walked toward our bedroom.

I followed her lead and crawled into bed next to her. Spooning her little body and wrapping my arm around her waist as I willed sleep to claim me.

My heart betrayed me.

"Bella, honey," she spoke just barely above a whisper. "Your heart is pounding so hard and fast I can feel it beating on my back!" She reached for my hand that wrapped around her waist and began to rub soothing circled on my palm. "Relax. We are going to do this together."

Closing my eyes tight, commanding any tears that might come to stay in check. _If only you knew, baby, just how wrong you are._

***

I woke up close to nine and decided it was time to get the day going. I reached behind me, patting my hand on the bed looking for Alice but found only an empty bed. I walked to the kitchen to make some coffee and found that Alice had already done that for me. I could hear the shower running; mystery solved on Alice's whereabouts.

Deciding to use the opportunity to talk to Edward alone, I took a seat at the kitchen table and grabbed my phone. Scrolling through the contacts and highlighting Edward's name, my thumb shook a little and my heart sped as I pushed the send button. I closed my eyes as I listened to the phone ring, willing myself to not be awkward towards him.

Edward picked up on the third ring.

"Hello, Bells." His velvety voice helped ease my anxiety.

"Morning, Edward," I replied, struggling to keep my voice even though not doing a very good job of it. "Can I come over today?" I asked, not believing what I was doing but trying my hardest to at least sound unconcerned.

"Well, I have to go into work for a couple hours this morning," he said, his voice even and hard to read. "How about you come over around two?"

"Ok, I'll be there," I managed to say, my voice was quieter than I intended. Nerves were taking their toll on me. "I'll talk to you later." I had to get him off the phone.

"Hold up, Bella!" Oh shit, I knew I was going to forced to tell him why I needed to come over. "Will you be with Alice when you come?" Nice way to ask, Edward.

"No, Alice won't be joining us," I said matter-of-factly. I decided I might as well blurt it out. I hated beating around the bush. "It's time," I stated. I knew he would know what that meant.

The phone went silent, making me wonder if I lost connection. I looked at the face of my phone to make sure we were still indeed connected, and brought it back to my ear when I was sure the call was still there.

"Ok, I'll see you soon." He finally broke the silence, his voice undiscerning.

I hung up the phone and pushed it away from me as if it was on fire. My mind was tired of racing and fell blank as I laid my head on my crossed arms on the table. I could hear Alice walking down the hallway toward me, so I readied myself as a vision of happiness, forcing a smile and ready to declare my plan for the day, leaving out one little piece.

"I called Edward," I said making sure my smile reached my eyes. "I'm going to go there around two."

"Ok, baby," she said, her smile matching mine. "Do you need me to go with you?"

"Um… no." Even I was convinced I was happy about this. I should try my hand at acting; I was good! "Don't worry about it; there won't be anything exciting to see." A blush rose to my cheeks.

She giggled at my words, amused by the thought of Edward doing his thing into a cup for us.

"Alright, well get dressed and we can go to the farmers market and get some berries." She said, as she turned toward the bedroom to get herself ready for the day.

I walked into the bedroom and picked out a simple jeans-shorts and tank-top outfit, matched with a lovely pair of flip flops. No need to dress up today, I decided.

Alice and I walked the ten blocks to the local farmers market where we picked up a half flat of blueberries and a large bundle of sweet pea flowers. The scent from the flowers was divine. We walked around the market, eyeing plants and ogling over hand made crafts. By the time we got back to our house, it was past one. As I eyed the clock willing it to go faster, the butterflies in my stomach decided to make an appearance.

"Oh God," I said to myself. Not realizing I was in hearing range of Alice, who was quickly by my side rubbing soothing circles on my back.

"Would it help if I went with you?" she asked, love shining in her eyes.

"No, I'm not worried about that," I lied, hoping she wouldn't see through my façade. "I was just thinking about the fact I have to drive home with Edward baby juice in my car, what if it spills?"

A look of amusement fell on her face.

"Well, why don't you use it while you're there?" She said, not holding back the giggles very well. "It's probably best to be done fresh anyway. You can just go in his bedroom or something." She seemed to know what she was talking about. "And when you get home, I'm giving you the best orgasm of your life. I read it helps the sperm swim." She stated, without even the hint of sarcasm.

I looked at her for a moment, trying to read whether to buy what she was saying or not. Instead of finding any answers, she moved in for a kiss. A kiss she eagerly deepened, showing me how serious she meant her statement. Pulling back from me, her hands cupped my face.

"Now go make us a baby," she commanded as her eyes were piercing my soul.

"Your wish is my command," I breathed, slowly blinking and smiling at her.

I waited until ten 'til two before leaving our house and driving to Edward's. I pulled up to his house and found that he was already home. Taking a deep breath, I opened my car door and slowly made my way to his door.

Letting myself in, I quietly closed the front door but was startled when I turned around to find Edward standing right in front of me, crooked smile in place and one eyebrow raised.

"Sneaking in?" he chuckled as he leaned against the wall, crossing his arms across his chest.

"No, I was just… I…" Yeah, well I had no good answer for that. I was clearly sneaking in.

He chuckled once more, turned and headed toward the kitchen. I walked up behind him, and placed my hand on his shoulder wordlessly asking him to stop. He did as I silently asked before turning to look at me. No need for words, his eyes said it all!

"Can we just," I closed my eyes as the words threatened to stick in my throat. "Can we go upstairs?" I looked up at him, my eyes pleading my case. I had worried and fretted the whole week for this very day. I needed to just do it now, or I would chicken out.

His eyes narrowed as he searched my face. "If that's what you want, Bella," his eyes flickered with an emotion I couldn't put my finger on.

"It is," I whispered as I took hold of his hand and led us up the stairs towards his room.

As we entered his room, the silence was almost too loud for my ears. I turned to face him and closed my eyes. I had worked toward this all week, mentally preparing myself for this very moment. I knew I needed to disconnect myself from anything outside of this room. While I was here, I was not Bella. I was not Alice's lover. I was a woman and he was a man, preparing to intimately dance like billions have in the past.

The feel of his hands on my arms brought me out of my thoughts, as he pulled me toward him and his bed.

A part of me screamed to stop my decent toward him, but I put her in check and decided to just go for it. I needed to stop thinking so much.

No words were spoken as he reached his hands to my face and slowly brought his lips to mine. His lips were soft and gentle. Moving next to mine, instinctively I opened my mouth to his and he slipped in his tongue. The taste of him was exquisite. I loved kissing my Alice, but this kiss was somehow so different. This thought was too much for me, and I pulled my head away from him.

"What's wrong?" he inquired, confusion shining in his eyes.

"I don't think we should kiss," I said firmly. Kissing was almost more intimate than the act we were about to perform.

His eyes went from confused to understanding and finally to reason.

"I think it would be easier on the both of us if we did kiss," he quietly said, his soft voice causing my eyes to close as I absorbed every word. "Easier on your body… from the stimulation that it… brings." His eyebrow cocked, and he licked his lips.

I thought for a moment what he meant by those words. He meant helping me get wet! I hated to admit it, but I didn't need any help with that. And for that I was almost ashamed. I pushed those thoughts out of my head, and nodded in agreement.

His lips met mine again, and our tongues entwined. A moan escaped from my throat, as I felt his hands caress up my back as he pulled me closer. I didn't realize we had been slowly making our way to the bed until I felt it hit the back of my knees and he carefully sat us on the bed.

I pulled from our kiss long enough to pull my shirt over my head and he followed suit. I had seen his chest before, but feeling his strong masculine chest against mine caused a sharp twinge in my already wet sex. I ran my hands up his chest and the feel of my hands on his defined muscles caused goose bumps to rise on his body.

Without breaking our kiss, he gently pushed me to lie on the bed. His tender hands moved to my back as he unclasped my bra, pulling his head back from me allowing me to take it off all the way.

Placing soft kisses down my jaw, to my neck, down my chest where his lips met my breasts. My breath caught as he took my nipple in his mouth, swirling his tongue on the end bringing it to a tight peak as he rolled my other nipple between his expert fingers.

I tried to rub my legs together to create some friction, unable to do so with him between my legs. Instead I ground my hips against him. He groaned from the sensation, and I couldn't help but blush at his reaction.

I reached down and pulled at the button on his jeans, releasing the button and pulling down the zipper. Raising his hips to help me, I pushed his jeans down as far as I could reach and he kicked them the rest of the way off.

I was like a woman possessed! I shouldn't feel as aroused as I felt. The enjoyment I felt as I ground my hips into his hard cock should not be there. But I was so wet for him and ready to feel this. I knew I would regret enjoying this later, but for now I was content with forgetting anything but the feel of him as his hands went to the waist of my shorts and quickly undid the clasps. I lifted my hips as he pulled them off me, along with my panties.

I lay before him completely naked, panting with desire that twenty minutes ago I didn't know I had.

He sat up on his knees and pulled off his boxers, his heavy erection springing from its confines. It was glorious. I had had many sex toys that Alice and I played with, but none of them had hypnotized me like the engorged member that I saw before me.

A moan escaped my lips as my hands moved on their own accord toward his rock hard shaft. Spreading the pre cum around the head, I gently tugged on his cock causing him to moan loudly.

His lips assertively found mine, and we kissed passionately as I moved my hands to his back. I pulled him closer to me and instinctively wrapped my legs around his hips. He pulled his head back to look me in the eyes, silently asking permission to enter me. I looked into the green pools of his eyes and pulled him back into a kiss, tracing my tongue along his bottom lip. Trying to show him my approval with my actions, I felt his cock rub against my slick folds. My pussy was on fire, waiting for him to enter me was torture.

I didn't have to wait long. He slowly pushed his cock into my heat, letting out a groan that matched my own. I pulled back from his lips, and closed my eyes trying to relax my body so I could stretch to accommodate his large size.

Feeling him stop his decent, I opened my eyes and nodded at him requesting him to keep going. His thrusts started out slow and gentle, carefully introducing my body to his cock.

I desperately tried to withhold the moans and gasps that escaped my lips, but this was in vain. The feel of him inside me was so much different than I had anticipated. The velvety softness of his cock was vastly different from the silicone and plastic cocks that I was accustomed to.

His breathing hitched as his thrusts sped up. I felt the entire length of his manhood sink further, faster, and harder into the center of my being and making me wetter than I had ever believed possible.

The moment he started circling his hips I felt my orgasm ripple through my body, starting deep within my heated sex and spreading all the way to the tip of my toes. I felt him speed up as I rode out my orgasm and I felt his warm seed spread inside my body.

He collapsed on top of me, breathing heavily into my ear. My effort to keep myself disconnected from the sex was altered the moment he spoke.

"Bella?" he urged me to respond. My head snapped up, and my eyes met his. The entire world as I knew it felt like it had suddenly crumbled.

"Fuck!" was all I could manage to say. My stomach was in knots as I threw my clothes on as quickly as I could and ran out the door and down the stairs.

I could hear him calling my name as I fled his house, finding my hands shaking so hard I could barely hold the keys to my car.

Never looking up as I felt terrified of seeing him at this very moment, I managed to get the keys in the ignition and frantically backed out of his driveway, knocking over his trashcan before I sped away.

I drove towards my home, where Alice waited for me: My loving, adoring, trusting, non-cheating girlfriend. Feeling myself slowly falling apart, I pulled onto the freeway and sped towards an unknown destination. Tears filled my eyes as the sobs began. My body shook violently with my tears. I had never been more terrified than I was at that very moment.

_What have I done?_

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**AN:**

**So there you have it, my very first boy girl lemon. Please let me know if it was hot, warm, or just plain blows (no pun intended…) Review and I will send you a teaser from chapter 4!**

**A lot of you asked for EPOV, and I have decided I will go ahead and do it, but in the form of a companion story. I don't know if it will have many chapters, but it will get inside his head. Put me on author alert if you want to read EPOV. **


	4. Unspoken Apology

_**AN: Charmie, thank you so much!**_

_**BellaMadonna, I 3 You**_

_**My BFF Jeremy (girl with a dude's name), no clue what I would do without you.**_

_**WARNING: I have a few of you who dont want to read slash lemons, so therefore I am warning you that there is a B/A lemon in this chapter. I say you should read it, but its up to you. You might miss something if you dont...**_

_**And for those who dont know it, I wrote chapter 1 in EPOV which you can find if you click my username and scroll down to All I Need.**_

_**When your done, read the AN at the end of this chapter.**_

_**Dont own Twilight, dammit.**_

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BPOV

I drove for quite some time, at least 20 miles, before I took the next rest stop exit I saw. I looked at myself in the rear view mirror; my face was red and swollen from the intense crying. I was the image of shame and utter guilt. I could see it in my eyes clear as day.

My cell had been ringing constantly since I raced from Edward's house, all of the calls being from him. Throwing my phone into the floor of the passenger seat, I shoved open the door to my car and quickly walked into the bathroom.

I roughly splashed water on my face and used my fingers to tame my messy hair. I braced myself on the sink and stared myself down, trying to find the Bella that has control. The Bella whose skin is like steel, whose face had not seen tears in so long I couldn't remember the last time. She was there somewhere, I just knew it.

I stood in the bathroom for what seemed like hours, but realistically it was mere minutes. I waited until my eyes were clear, and my cheeks lost their redness. I took several deep breaths, and walked back to my car. I started the engine and rested my head on the wheel, just then Alice's ring tone chirped at me. I reached for my phone and shakily answered.

"Hello?" I said in a low voice, attempting to hide any emotion.

"Hi, baby," Alice practically sang to me, her happiness in her voice warmed my soul. "Where are you? I thought you would be home by now?"

"Oh, um," I said, my voice never once cracking and giving me away. "I just went for a little ride after I left Edward's." I considered for a moment telling her a lie, but I couldn't deceive her anymore than I already did.

"Why did you do that?" she asked, her voice laced with disappointment. "I thought you would come straight home? I mean, it's kind of a big day for us, you know."

"Yeah, I know," I said, hearing her tone caused a dip in the pit of my stomach. "I'm on my way now. Ok?"

She sighed heavily into the phone. "Bella, let this be your lesson in baby making," she said matter-of-factly. "I read if you have an orgasm after inseminating, it helps the little swimmers make their way inside."

"Oh?" I breathed.

"Yes, so get your ass home this instant!" she commanded.

"Of course, my queen." I said, feeling a sudden urgency to hold her. To feel her against me, to wash away all my thoughts of what transpired mere hours before, I just needed Alice.

Ending the call after giving her my love, I made my way back to our home. My mind was focused on Alice the whole drive. She would be my rock, My tether to sanity.

I arrived home to find Alice waiting at the door for me. Her big toothy grin spread across her face, as I took her in my arms and hugged her with all my might.

"Baby, please, I need to breathe," she said through a giggle.

"I know, I just love you so much sometimes I have to hug you just a little more than usual." Truer words had never been spoken.

"Aww, baby I love you too!" she said, kissing me on the lips. Her touch soothed me, causing me to melt into her arms. My lips lingered on hers, breaking only when she pulled from my grasp to look me in the eyes.

"So, are you ready for me to _pleasure_ you?" She cooed, emphasizing the word with seduction.

"Actually, baby," I said, choosing my words wisely. "I think the little swimmers, as you call them, either made it or didn't by now." I gave her a loving smile, not wanting her to think of what I was saying as rejection. "I am going to take a shower. Ok?"

"Yeah, you're probably right." Her face fell with slight distress.

Wanting to remove any thoughts of rejection from her mind, I lifted her chin and brought her lips to mine. Never deepening the kiss, I hugged her closely. Pulling from her lips I ducked my head down and nuzzled my nose in the nape of her neck, breathing in her perfume. A sigh of contentment escaped her throat. I squeezed her lightly one more time before letting her go and made my way to our bedroom.

I stripped in our bedroom and walked to the bathroom in a towel. I turned the water on as hot as I could handle, bracing myself against the tiles of the shower as I let the water wash away any trace of Edward. The thought of washing him off me brought on a wave images from earlier today. Thoughts that were too much for me to handle. I quickly turned off the shower, and wrapped the towel around me.

Still dripping from my shower, I searched the house for Alice. I needed to see her. I needed her smiling face to take all of the thoughts roaming in my head of Edward.

I found Alice in the living room, looking adorable as she watched "Hedwig and the Angry Inch". She was singing along to 'Wicked Little Town', bobbing her head to the beat. She was so beautiful and all mine. I could get through this, I just had to remember this was about Alice and our new family.

I stood in the doorway in nothing but my towel, and seductively sauntered into Alice's view. She slowly turned her head to take in my entire body, and cocked one eyebrow at me.

Looking into the depths of her eyes, a fiery passion swept through me. This ignited the flame in my being causing me to lunge towards her lustful body. Ripping her shirt off her braless body, unleashing her creamy smooth skin and finding her supple breasts with my indomitable tongue.

I found my way to her nipples. Sucking, tugging, and circling them within my warm lips. Ensuring her arousal with my movements, her moans of pleasure encouraged my every nibble.

Slowly I traced her body from breast to chin with heavy kisses. Seeking solace in the moist heat of her tongue. Somewhere in my mind, I thought her kiss could erase my shame.

Alice sighed into my mouth as I firmly pressed my lips to hers, forcing my tongue into her mouth. My hopes in drowning out the memories of being with Edward were dashed the instant I felt her tongue on mine. Thoughts flooded my mind of kisses stolen, mere hours ago in Edward's bed.

Alice felt my moment of hesitation, and pulled her head away from me, silently voicing her concern. Ignoring her pleas, I made my way back to her breast then to her belly button. Feathering kisses along the way, I continued my way down pausing at the waist of her jeans. I quickly unbuttoned her jeans, and pulled them off of her, leaving her panties in place.

I grasped her panties with my teeth, and gently started tugging them down. Her hips instinctively ground up towards the heat of my face, as I pulled her panties down in the vice grip of my jaw. Passing her glistening lips, the scent of her arousal sent a beacon of lust directly to my already throbbing clit.

After ridding us of her panties, I looked at my lover like a hungry lioness ready to drink her in. Her hands gripped the sofa causing her knuckles to whiten from the anticipation of the impending pleasure.

Instantly I dove deep between her legs. My lips making contact with her clit, gently sucking it in my mouth. Rubbing my tongue firmly and swiftly along the nub, I felt her toes curl against my thighs. Her body began to writhe with ecstasy.

I reached my hand up to shove her leg aside and roughly slipped one finger and then another inside her, sending shivers through her body. I twisted my fingers, searching out her g spot. With an intense cry, Alice begged for me not to stop. Wanting to please her, I continued my quest for her climax.

I felt her body let go as her orgasm rippled through her like an earthquake. My name barely escaped her clenched teeth as her climax continued to vibrate through her every cell.

I sat back on my knees and watched as Alice attempted to gain control of her breathing. A smile graced my lips at the knowledge of the pleasure I bestowed upon her.

Her eyes slowly opened as she reached her quivering hangs towards my body. I stopped their decent, bring her into an embrace.

"Bella," she whispered. "Let me-"

I cut her words off with a gentle finger on her mouth.

"No, baby," I said, looking her in the eyes trying to relay my intent. "This was just for you." I brought her hand to my mouth and kissed the palm of her hand. I reached down and picked up her panties, slipping them up her legs and back in place. Kissing her thigh as I stood up and settled next to her on the couch.

It wasn't long before I heard her breathing even out as she fell asleep next to me on the couch. I softly woke her up just enough to move her to bed, and crawled under the covers next to her. She never stirred once positioned on her side in bed, light snores coming from her mouth. I rolled to my back and stared at the ceiling, silently I cried myself to sleep.

***

I woke up the next morning to the smell of pancakes and bacon. I got out of bed and slipped on my pajama bottoms, rubbing sleep from my eyes as I walked to the kitchen in search of what my nose already found.

"Morning, sleepy head!" Alice chirped, looking bright eyed and bushy tailed. "I made my fucktastic lover breast pancakes!" She giggled, pointing to the table ushering me to take a seat.

As I sat, she brought what she was cooking toward me, and pushed the creation on my plate. The pancakes she served me sent me into a fit of giggles. Two round pancakes attached at the middle, with a small dash of whipped cream toward the center of each round along with one raspberry on each delectable mound.

"These have to be some of the most edible breasts I have ever seen!" I laughed, sweeping my finger through the whipped cream and licking it off. Moaning to show her my pleasure from the taste. "Mmm, and those nipples taste especially good!" Giving her the most seductive look I could muster up.

After shoving a mouthful of boobie pancakes in my mouth, I turned toward her and patted her ass. She quickly turned my way and swatted at my hand.

"I don't think so missy," she said playfully. "You don't get any from me until after you go to Edward's today."

My heart stopped at her words, as I forced myself to swallow.

"What do you mean?" I asked, confusion setting in.

"You have to do it twice," she reminded me. "Remember? To better our chances you should inseminate two days, at _least_, in a row."

Her words breaking through my resolve to oblivious to this fact. I already knew this.

"Edward said he isn't available today," I lied. The words came out of my mouth so quickly I didn't even have time to think.

"Is that so?" she said, her eyes narrowing showing her disbelief. "That's funny, because I just got off the phone with him before you got up and he said he was expecting you today," she said, placing her hands on her hips as she tapped her foot at me. "He called the house phone looking for you. He said you hit his trash can on your way out yesterday and made a huge mess."

_Shit fuck. Think quickly._

"Oops." I said nonchalantly. My eyes averted back to my pancakes, and I pushed them around with my fork. I felt a surge of empowerment for a brief moment. I realized then, Edward and I needed to talk. I would go to his house, but there would be nothing but talking today.

"Okay, after I'm done I'll head to his house." I said, smiling at her as she sauntered back to the stove. "But, can you call him for me and let him know I'm coming?"

"Sure." She said, keeping her eyes on the batter as she poured it into a pan.

Thirty minutes later I found myself in front of Edward's house, once again willing myself to leave the car. I closed my eyes and reminded myself why I was here. One fuck up would not, _could_ not ruin a friendship like ours. Edward and I had shared so much in the past; this is just a blip in the road of life. _Yeah… right. A really fucking enjoyable yet completely wrong blip. _Fuck, where did that thought come from?

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I walked to his door and knocked lightly. I heard his footsteps as he made his way to the door, this alone caused my heart to race. But the sight of him when he opened the door made my heart speed to levels that took my breath away.

"You knocked," he said, his eyes bore into my own with a glint of confusion. "That's weird."

"Uh, well, sorry." I muttered as I walked past him and headed to the living room, taking a seat on a cushioned chair.

I watched him as he sauntered to the couch, and took a seat. As he sat, his scent bellowed in my direction causing my breath to hitch. I averted my eyes to my hands and began to speak. "We need to talk."

"I know," he said lowly. "Can I start?"

"Yes," I sighed, as I raised my eyes to his. Showing him he had my attention.

"When you left the way you did yesterday," he licked his lips before he continued. "It really fucked with my head."

"I-" I attempted to rebut, but was cut off when he raised his hand in the air asking me to let him continue uninterrupted.

"I thought, being as close as we are that having sex with me would be easy." His eyes left mine, as he looked at his fidgeting hands. "I didn't think about anyone but me. I mean, I realize that now. I basically forced you to cheat on your girlfriend. I am an awful person." The guilt was heavy in his voice.

"When you left crying and the look on your face…" he said, shaking his head in self disgust. "I felt like a hole was ripped in my heart. I knew it was wrong, but when we were together, it felt anything but." He raised his head, his eyes once again meeting my own. "And I owe you an apology. I'm so very sorry."

I was silent for a while, collecting my thoughts. Being in the room with him was not uncomfortable at all. It was as easy as breathing. I knew I needed to make this right. I needed to take some of the blame off him. And then, we would get past this.

"I owe you an apology as well." I said, feeling the need to tell him the truth. "I scared myself yesterday." I admitted this not only to him, but to myself at the same time. "I felt confused, and just had to get out of here." My eyes shut as I confessed. "I felt ashamed… that… I enjoyed it more than I should have." I said so quietly, I didn't know if he could hear.

I heard him let out a deep breath. I looked him in the eyes and saw understanding in his eyes. He heard me, which should have made me wish I had never said those words. But the look of relief on his face from my admission was enough to know it was the right thing to say.

"Even so," I spoke quietly yet firmly. "I can't do… that again." He needed to understand my reasoning. "It fucks with my head." I used the same words he said to me moments ago.

He nodded his head, and stood up silently walking towards the kitchen. I heard him open the refrigerator, and then saw him walk towards me only to stop at the front door. He motioned me to meet him where he stood.

Feeling a bit confused, I followed his direction and stopped a foot away from him.

"I know we can't do it again," he said, handing a brown paper bag. "So here it is. Go to Alice, and make her a baby."

Realization hit me at the moment he gave me the bag. He was still doing this for us. For me and Alice.

I flung myself into his arms, and hugged him with voracity. I kissed him on the cheek as I loosened the hug.

"Thank you," I whispered, pressing my cheek to his.

I left his house with a sense of closure. Knowing that the hurdle was overcome, and I could get past this with both relationships in tact. I knew I was wrong to not tell Alice what I did. It went against every spoken and unspoken promise I had ever made to her. I just couldn't, and I wouldn't tell her.

***

When I arrived home and showed Alice the packaged, she utterly was thrilled that she would get to participate in 'making our baby' as she put it.

We quickly went into our bedroom, and I stripped from the waist down. She filled the syringe with the milky fluid and gently placed it deep inside me.

"Kinky!" I said with a laugh.

"You ain't seen nothing yet, sexy," she said from between my legs. "Now raise your hips for a few minutes."

"Now that, baby, is even kinkier!" I teased, as I raised my ass in the air earning a slap on my butt cheek from my giddy lover.

I stayed like this for several minutes until Alice deemed it was enough. She kissed me passionately, snaking her hand towards my still naked lower torso. With her free hand she gently tugged on my left breast, cause a surge of wetness between my legs.

She slipped one finger between my wet folds and rubbed gently and swiftly on my clit. I moaned in pleasure as she brought her lips to my neck, swirling her tongue along my collar bone.

"Mmm baby," she purred. "Come for me."

She pressed her fingers on my clit with more pressure, pushing me towards my climax. I felt myself teeter on the edge of an orgasm, but was unable to get there all the way. I closed my eyes and mentally worked on making myself cum. Unable to get there, I groaned out in frustration.

"Fuck!" I groaned.

"It's ok baby, we aren't in a rush," she said quietly, pulling my shirt up giving her access to my bare breasts.

I closed my eyes and allowed thoughts of yesterdays forbidden act to fill my mind. In a moment, I was cumming harder than I had the day before. Too filled with ecstasy to even worry what that meant, I rolled over and held my Alice. Wishing away any thoughts other than her.

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**_DONT FREAK OUT! Chapter 5 is all about B/E. Trust me, stick with me I have a plan that I think you will all enjoy! Charmie also made this story its own thread on the AU/AH forum over at Twilighted, and I am willing to post teasers if you make yourself known :)_**

_**Review for a chapter 5 teaser!  
**_


	5. Just Feel

**AN: BellaMadonna you are the wind beneath my wings. Xoxo**

**Charmie… baby… you held my hand through this entire chapter and dammit I don't know what I did to deserve someone so kind and helpful. Thank you for, well, everything. Huge Zsadist hugs for you, hehe!**

**I don't own Twilight or its characters. I just play with them and make them do naughty things.**

**______________________________________________________________________________**

BPOV

One week. That's how long it had been since I last saw or even talked to Edward. My best friend, who I had never gone more than one day without even a text. Never. But all I could think about, all that I was able to dream about was the night I slept with Edward. I would watch a commercial for a Sex and the City or an advertisement in Vogue and I couldn't help but remember and imagine how amazing that night was and how it could never happen again. Lucky for me, this fact didn't peak Alice's interest because she has been prepping for a art show out for this weekend. We decided I would not go with her, she said she would be too busy and I didn't push.

But this week long silence needed to end. This awkwardness between Edward and I had to be resolved. He had tried to call me, but of course being an overly dramatic woman I chose the avoidance technique. I decided I had to just suck it up and make an effort, and call the man. I must have tried to call him, dialing his number at least ten times before I was finally able to do it and hit send.

"Hi, stranger," he answered, knowing from the caller id it was me.

"Hi," I croaked out. My mouth felt dry all of a sudden, the nerves working their way in my system.

"I was hoping I would hear from you," he said, sounding relieved to hear my voice.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that." My voice was apologetic, and I felt my nerves calm. "I just needed some time, that's all."

A sigh of reprieve was his only reply.

"I think we need some Edward and Bella time," I suggested. "Try to get past this… this weirdness… I guess you could call it?" I struggled with the right words. "Get back to the friends we've always been."

"I would love that," he said. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well, Alice is gone this weekend. And I was hoping you would go hiking with me." I paused for a minute before continuing. "And maybe camp overnight?"

He didn't say anything for a moment; I had to pull the phone from my ear to make sure he was still there.

"I think that sounds like fun." He finally said, and I let out the breath I was holding.

"Excellent!" I said enthusiastically. "Pack for sun and I'll pick you up bright and early Saturday morning. Say sixish? I'll bring the food."

"Don't forget the marshmallows," he teased.

"As if, Edward," I said with sarcasm. I hung up my phone and headed into the studio to see what Alice was up to.

The moment she saw me she pulled me into a bear hug. Peppering kisses all over my face, ending with a lengthy closed mouth kiss on the lips. We had always been lovey dovey, but somehow she had been even more so in recent days. Not that I minded the random hugs and kisses, the PDA's at the grocery store or the gym. It just was… different somehow.

In her studio, I helped her bubble wrap pieces and box them. Getting them ready to go into the truck for her art show. We worked on boxing her works of art late in the evening. It was well past eleven by the time we tumbled into bed and quickly fell asleep.

I got up the next morning close to seven, and begrudgingly got ready for work. Knowing I only had to noon until Alice came to see me and take me to lunch, making up for the long weekend apart.

Alice showed exactly on time, looking perky and stylish as usual. She took me a few blocks down the street to our favorite deli where I ordered a reuben sandwich and a salad, hold the dressing. We took our food to a table, and started eating while talking about what we would be doing during our weekend apart. She seemed utterly thrilled that Edward and I were going on a hike. She was never much of an outdoorsy type of girl.

It was during a rather large bite of my reuben when a familiar voice interrupted my chewing.

"Well hello ladies," Edward said with a chuckle as I choked on my sandwich.

I'm pretty sure my face flushed since my face felt ablaze, that was one thing I could always count on at the worst possible moments. I wasn't prepared to see him quite yet, and not with Alice next to me. Edward kept his gaze on me, as I battled with my eyes to look at anything but him. I glanced to Alice, whose eyes were bouncing from me to Edward and back again. Her eyes narrowed for the briefest of moments before smiling at Edward.

"Edward, want to join us?" Alice asked, pulling the empty chair next to her out ushering him to sit down.

"Uh, well, I don't want to impose on a lunch date or anything," he said, his voice trailing off.

"Nah, no worries," Alice assured him. "Take a seat."

Edward took a quick look at me before sitting down in the seat she pulled out for him and set his meal on the table in front of him.

I kept my stare on Alice, keeping her as my focal point. We sat in uncomfortable silence briefly, until Edward broke the quiet.

"So, do you feel any different yet?" he asked trying to be social. Being a doctor, like he wouldn't know.

I let out a snort and looked at Edward. "No, not a bit different. But as you know, it's awfully early if it did take."

He nodded and focused his attention on his ham and cheese.

Goddammit, I felt so pissed at that very moment; Pissed for no apparent fucking reason. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I picked at my sandwich, my appetite lost due to my sudden mood swing. This didn't go unnoticed. I felt Alice's eyes watch me as I pushed the lettuce around my bowl, stabbing a grape tomato and sucking out the juices.

We finished our lunches in silence, aside from the occasional talk about the weather. We got up from our table and walked outside to say our goodbyes. Alice hugged Edward who turned to me for a goodbye squeeze. My heart fluttered when he was close. The smell of him filled my senses. My reaction took me by surprise as I was lost for a moment, and held him a bit longer than I should have. We broke our embrace, and went our separate ways.

As Alice and I walked toward my office building, I felt her working up her nerve to say something to me. And then she said it.

"What the fuck was that?" she demanded. Her eyes as dark as onyx looking as pissed as she sounded.

"What was what?" I replied, being oblivious was key.

"Why were you so rude to Edward?" she asked, angry Alice was not a fun person to deal with. "I thought we were on the same page, so maybe you're pregnant with a baby he helped make." _You have no idea how well he helped make it. _"That doesn't mean you need to act all freaky around him!"

"I didn't mean to!" I defended. "I just had a bad morning at work, I was up too late and tired, it had nothing to do with Edward." I took her hand in mine. "Promise, baby. Please don't be mad at me."

I stopped walking, and pulled her into a tight hug. "He and I are going hiking this weekend, and I promise things will be fine."

She pulled her head back to look me in the eyes. "God, I can't be mad at you." She sighed. "You're too damn cute to be mad at."

***

I pulled in our driveway just after five. I knew Alice would be catching a cab at six, so I quickly made my way into the house and beelined it to her studio. My hope was to catch her and hold her long enough to encrypt her scent in my receptors, holding her there during our time apart.

She was buzzing around the house at a frantic pace. Packing last minute items and checking her itinerary.

I chose to stay clear of her last minute frenzy, and sat in front of our computer to check my email. I moved the mouse, ending the flower box screensaver and noticed her email was still open. One thing I never did was snoop in her email, and was not going to start now. But as I hovered the mouse pointer above the close box my eyes found the subject line of a recent email and I found myself curious to read it. I knew this was wrong, but I just had to read it.

_From: Jasper Whitlock_

_To: Alice Brandon_

_Subject: Saturday Night _

_Alice, it was lovely to see you again. I'm anxiously awaiting your arrival; please call me as soon as you get in town. _

_Jasper _

_Huh_, I thought, _I've never heard of Jasper. _

I quickly closed the email program down, not wanting to be caught reading hers. But I couldn't help but wonder. Who is Jasper?

I found her in our bedroom rifling through her underwear drawer.

"Alice, who's Jasper?" I asked hastily.

Her head whipped toward me, and I could swear she had a glint of offense in her eyes as she answered me. "A friend, why?"

"Oh, well I saw an email and was curious." Yeah that's right, tell her you snooped.

"Fuck Bella, why are you reading my email?" She sounded a bit livid. "Look, Jasper is a new friend and you should respect my limited privacy in this fucking house and keep out of my email."

I knew she was right, and I felt silly for even asking. I apologized, and gave her room to finish her last minute prepping. But somehow I didn't understand why she was so angry over a simple question.

When the cab arrived, we kissed and said our goodbyes, and I helped her load her bags. God, you think she would be gone for weeks from how much she packed!

After she left, I had an un-thrilling dinner of a hot pocket, with comedy central as my entertainment. After I ate, I packed for the weekend and was in bed by ten.

The next morning I arrived at Edward's at six fifteen. He must have been watching for me because he came out of his house before I had a chance to even get the car into park.

We loaded his things and headed for the mountains. Our conversation flowed, talking about nothing in particular. But I felt at ease with him. Comfortable even. Not even a glint of awkwardness. And I thanked my lucky stars for this; I knew we would be fine again. We would get past this, it would take some time but eventually we could get back to what we were before this arrangement.

"So…," I began. "What's it like at the office now with Ms. Tanya-I'm-a-loose-pussy?"

He turned his head to me in disbelief, staring at the smirk on my face.

"Nice, and here I thought we were going to be all civil and shit."

I tried to hold back my laugh in vain and slapped my hand on his leg in a quick teasing motion.

"I can't help myself," I laughed. "You can't possibly tell me about mind boggling sucky sex and not expect me tease you about it?" I shook my head in mock disbelief. "I mean really?"

"Well, you know," he said with a smirk to match mine. "I could tell you about fabulous sex I recently had, but you were there so I won't bother."

I felt the blood rush to my face and bit my lip as I felt the corners of my mouth lift into a smile. He got me there, no reply needed. I felt his eyes on me. I turned my head to meet his gaze, and licked my lips as I felt the blood rush to another part of my body. Without a word, I returned my eyes to the road and continued to drive in to the mountains.

We hiked to the top of the most beautiful waterfall. I was surrounded by rocks and evergreens, and the scent of fresh water and jasmine. Little droplets of water hung in the air as a breeze blew through the falls.

"Do you know the legend of this waterfall?" he asked as we descended from our climb.

"No, I don't," I answered, keeping my eyes on the rough ground so I wouldn't trip.

"There's an old Indian legend that says a maiden sacrificed herself off the cliff to save her ill lover." He paused for a moment. "They say when a breeze passes through the falling water you can see the body of the woman."

"Wow," I said as I shifted my eyes to the falls, feeling a breeze on my sun kissed cheeks.

We continued our climb down toward our campsite, arriving there just as the sun was setting. We set up our tent, and set out two separate air mattresses.

He built a campfire as I set out on a treasure hunt for the perfect roasting stick. As luck would have it, I found two _perfect_sticks. Just the right length that we could roast from our seats.

"Look, I got you a stick for your hot dog." I said, waving the piece of wood in front of him.

He rose an eyebrow at me and said, "Thanks so much Bella, but there is no way your spearing my hot dog with a stick."

_Two can play this game. _"You, my friend, will let me stick your hot dog any way I please."

"Well, I may let you stick my hot dog anywhere you please," he said with a grin. "But you may not spear it or poke it, unless you kiss it after."

"I can do more than kiss it," I rebutted, meeting his challenge.

He let out a guffaw and said "You win this battle, sensei. But don't think there won't be a rematch."

"I'll hold you to that."

We ate charred, fire roasted hot dogs and marshmallows until our bellies were full. When the time came for bed, I was sure to keep my sweatpants on in hopes of staying warm in the cold night air.

This was not the case, I could literally feel my teeth chattering I was so cold.

"Are you ok?" he asked, as he propped himself up on his elbows to get a better look at me. "Am I going to have a Bella popsicle by the time I wake up?" he said with a chuckle.

"You might, I'm effing cold!"

"I have an extra hoodie if you want," he offered. "Though, I would be more than happy to lick you until you thaw from your popsicle cocoon."

Screw this, I need body heat.

"Can… maybe… you sleep over here?" My voice cracked slightly at the words. "Body heat."

He was quiet for a moment, and then spoke with a serious tone. "Okay, let's the connect sleeping bags."

I unzipped from my bag as did he, and zipped ours together. We both crawled in; the heat from his body instantly comforted me. I tried not to snuggle too close, but his warmth was too appealing.

The feel of him next to me mixed with the scent of him caused my heart to speed and my mind went numb. We were lying next to each other face to face and I couldn't tear my gaze from his emerald eyes.

I opened my eyes and looked deep in his. Suddenly I felt an increasingly familiar need, deep inside me boil to the surface. Without warning I slammed my lips onto his, seeking his flavor. I pressed my tongue on his lips, urging him to open his mouth to mine. Our tongues meshed across one another as my hands darted up his shirt, gently clawing on his smooth tight stomach.

Just then he released his lips from me, and pulled his head back in confusion.

"Bella, I don't think-"I cut him off with a tender kiss.

"Shhh," I whispered. "Don't say a word." I kissed his lips again. "Just feel."

He stared at me for a moment, confusion on his face. His eyes searched mine for hesitation that he would not find.

I gently placed my hands on either side of his face, drawing him close enough I could trace his petal soft lips with my seeking tongue. The scent of his closeness instantly increased the immense desire to have him near me.

In the rush of excitements, I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end with the urge to rip his shirt from his toned torso. As I controlled the quiver pulsating through my hands, I mustered the courage to grab the hem of his shirt and yanked it up his chest and over his head.

Before he could reach for a stitch of my clothing, my mouth was instantly drawn to his exposed chest and pert nipples.

I lightly ran my fingers up and down his ribcage, drawing out goose bumps all over his body. His breathing hitched as my teeth nibbled and tugged at his now erect nipples, tracing its circle with my tongue. My tongue was a hunter, looking for new ground on the continent of his body, lingering on his collar bone earning moans from his lips.

His hand moved to my hair, rubbing my scalp then firmly gripped and tugged a fistful of my soft, wavy locks causing me to bite down on the soft skin of his neck. He gasped and arched his back, pressing his hard erection towards my heated center. Feeling the pressure of his large arousal against me caused my head to fall back and a hiss to plunge from my lips.

Sensing his chance to take over, his fingers found my top and quickly did away with it, finding me braless underneath. The brisk night air kissed my nipples, making them even harder than they were from my arousal.

My body ached in anticipation. All it seemed to want was to get his cock inside of me. Unable to resist any longer, I needed to get our pants off as quickly as possible.

With shaking hands, I desperately tugged at the waistband of his pants. Sensing my urgency, he reciprocated by swiftly removing mine, panties and all in one swift motion.

In realization of our naked bodies so close to each other, I nearly had an orgasm right there, in that moment. He looked intensely in my eyes, as the realization of my intentions - caused him to bring me into a deeply erotic kiss. The intimacy of the kiss nearly suffocating me.

Our bodies merged as he climbed above me, moving his hips between my thighs, parting my legs effortlessly.

I can't ever remember being so wet; I felt my juices flow onto sheets that lined the air mattress. I wrapped my arms around his back, scratching my nails all the way down and hitched my legs around his waist locking them at my ankles as he lay above me. Pleading whispers in his ear to enter me. " Please Edward, Oh Please", I finally submitted.

Before a moan could form in my throat, a wave of pleasure swept over me as he slipped his erect cock deep inside me. The pressure of his pulsing cock filling me entirely, stretching as he moved within me and sent chills throughout my body from head to toe.

Our lips parted, and he let loose an animalistic grunt and whispered in my ear, "You feel fucking… amazing… so… fucking incredible…unghh… and so tight." The words came out in a whisper between gentle and swift thrusts. "I could… be lost… inside you…. Forever."

Caught up in the feel of him moving slowly, gently inside of me, was pure ecstasy. Time ceased to exist. It felt like we fit perfectly and we were meant to be like this.

I arched my back as his hand met my breast, rounding it firmly, pinching my nipple between his fingers as he began to thrust harder and faster still. Small beads of sweat began to build on both our bodies, as we kept our pace for what seemed like hours. I just wanted to keep him inside of me for as long as possible.

He lessened his pace and with an urgency in his voice he whispered, "I don't know… how long… I can… Hold out." He closed his eyes and I pulled him closer to me, feeling his entire weight on top of my body. I leaned in to kiss him gently and with tenderness, I couldn't stop feeling how soft and sweet his lips were.

I turned my head to his ear and instructed him, in a low whisper, to thrust his cock harder, faster and deeper inside me. In his acquiesce he did as instructed with aplomb.

Like the heat of a volcano erupting through the surface, my orgasm ripped through my body with such intensity it brought tears to my eyes. I had never felt this intensely or erotically before in my life.

I leaned into his ear once again and whispered "Edward, I want you to come for me….come in me." Almost as if on command he leaned into my shoulder and I heard him grunt loudly and fall on top of me in exhaustion between my breasts as sweat dripped down from his forehead.

I ran my fingers through his wet head, clenching him close to me, I heard him moan slightly at this touch. All I could think was how I just didn't want to separate from him.

We held each other for some time, until our breathing evened and my eyes grew heavy. He gently slid out of me and I felt the loss immediately. He rolled to my side and pulled me to his chest. In a haze of fulfillment, we swiftly drifted off to sleep.

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**AN: No jumping to conclusions... got that? **

**Next chapter will be part if not all Alice POV. I know I said this would be full Bella POV, but Alice has something to say. **

**I am going to Disneyland all next week, so there will be a longer wait for chapter 6 and I'm sorry for that. Don't be discouraged about the wait, I promise an update almost as soon as I get back.**

**Review's make me write in the long ass car ride and get you a teaser earlier!**

**And dont forget to review All I Need, EPOV of this story. I only have 14 reviews over there which tells me perhaps you dont want his POV anymore?  
**


	6. Inspiration

**AN: Sorry for the delay on this chapter, as you know I was out of town all last week! **

**Aimee, my fic wife, you are WAY too good to me! I truly appreciate you helping me as I struggle with confidence each chapter. **

**Momma, thank you as usual! xoxo**

**I don't own Twilight or its characters. I do however own all the Black Dagger Brotherhood books, and refuse to loan them out if that says anything.**

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_"Passion, it lies in all of us. Sleeping...waiting...and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir...open its jaws, and howl._

_"It speaks to us...guides us... Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have?_

_"Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love...the clarity of hatred...and the ecstasy of grief._

_"It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow, empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead."_

–_Joss Whedon_

APOV

Inspiration. I needed some inspiration. I only had a little over a week before my next exhibit, and hopefully I would be selling several pieces. I needed to get inspired to create something other than a fertility goddess, which I had made a few too many of.

But I couldn't help myself. The impending sperming up of my precious partner was all I could think of. The very thought of watching her belly grow with our child inside her made my heart grow about double its size. How very Mr. Grinch of me, right?

I sensed she was a bit concerned with us choosing Edward. I could tell the moment she returned home the day he decided he would donate for us. But I knew in my heart we could do this together, and it would be grand!

I chose the art gallery as the best place for me to find non-baby related inspiration. I dressed up a bit in a sweet navy blue pinstripes skirt and matching blouse, did my hair and added a splash of makeup. Checking myself in the mirror one last time before driving to the gallery. God knows I have to look my best, especially when going to the one place that offered up pieces of my work. They are a reflection of me after all.

When I entered the gallery, it dawned on my how long it had been since I had been there. At least a couple of months. Which is a bad thing when you're an artist whose work is showcased there on a regular basis.

Almost right away I noticed a man watching me. He had blond wavy hair, and a face so striking. Handsome to the power of ten. I thought how lovely it would be to create him in porcelain. His pale skin and perfect complexion. He stood toward the corner of the room, near a set of paintings I felt drawn to. Their colorful depictions of life, each telling a story of their own.

I was so lost in the pieces, I didn't notice anyone standing next to me until I started to slide my feet a little to look at the next piece and bumped into someone.

I gasped in surprise and gazed upon a gorgeous pair of dazzling blue eyes paired with golden waves. Hair that looked so soft, I wanted to run my fingers through it.

"I didn't mean to startle you," he said lowly. His pools of blue mesmerizing me stupid for a moment.

"You didn't." I managed to say through my eye induced stupor. "I just didn't notice you standing there."

"Well I noticed you the moment you walked in," he divulged with this amused expression. He was _obviously_ flirting and I have to admit that it always nice to desired.

_You're on the phone with your girlfriend, She's upset  
She's going off about something that you said  
She doesnt get your humour like I do_

I knew I was staring at him longer than I should have, but for some reason I had to force my eyes to look anywhere but at him. He seemed to have the same problem, but his eyes didn't move away from me. I felt his stare move up and down my body many times. Though I should have been angry for being ogled so blatantly, I wasn't. I couldn't explain it either and it truly baffled me.

_I'm in the room, its a typical Tuesday night  
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesnt like  
And she'll never know your story like I do_

From my periphery I saw him avert his eyes away from me, turning his gaze to the same painting I was admiring. I tried not to notice him standing in such close proximity to me. I tried to ignore the intoxicating scent of his cologne. I tried not to notice how his eyes would gaze over in my direction and I would have this pull to do the same. I tried…Oh how I tried...

_If you could see that I'm the one who understands you  
Been here all along so why can't you see?  
You belong with me  
You belong with me_

"Do you like my work?" he said, motioning to the pieces and bringing me out of my thoughts.

I felt my jaw drop momentarily as I turned to look at him.

"You're the artist?" I asked in amazement.

He nodded his head. "Indeed," he replied.

"Wow," I breathed. "You're quite talented with a paintbrush."

"Thank you," he said and leaned towards me with a smile. "I like to think I'm talented on multiple levels." And then he winked at me. He fucking WINKED at me!

Before I could realize my actions, I smiled at him. This act alone was enough to fuel him as he reached his hand out to shake mine.

"I'm Jasper Whitlock," he said, as I took his hand in mine for a quick shake. The moment I touched his hand I felt as if electricity were pouring through him into me. I felt a surge of energy pass between us, surprising me...causing me to drop his hand like a hot potato.

I was silent for a moment, staring at his seemingly expectant face. Yet again I realized I should be upset with the man from his blatant flirting, but instead found myself intrigued and bewildered with a loss for words. _This is ridiculous._ I thought. _Bella is at work and I'm flirting… with a __**man**__._ _Fuck I feel dirty. _

Inwardly I panicked. Fuck worrying about being inspired; I needed to get away from this man and pronto!

"Excuse me," I said as I turned toward the exit. "I really should be going."

Without another word I hastily made my way out the door and went into the coffee shop next door, feeling the need for some caffeinated bliss. I ordered myself a white chocolate mocha and made my way to the corner of the shop in the most secluded seat I could find. I closed my eyes and cleared my mind. My mind seemed to drift to the last time I had these feelings, when I first met Bella.

_Flashback_

_I had always been creative. I loved to play with play dough as a child, and cried when the dough would harden and crack. Destroying the piece of work I so studiously made with my tiny hands. My parents saw my talent right away, encouraging my artistic abilities as much as possible. They made sure I had a steady stream of art supplies available to me. Crayons, markers, and paints. I could draw a wicked looking unicorn. But nothing that would strike someone as overly unique. _

_It was during high school that I found my niche. I went to a high school centered on all forms of arts. Performing Arts and Fine Arts alike. I took my first pottery class as a freshman, and never looked back. _

_After graduation, I chose to go to community college the first couple years before transferring to the higher priced college of fine arts. I may have learned my niche with clay in high school, but I found true love in college._

_It was the first day of the term that I saw a shy dark haired girl in the corner of the classroom. I felt her eyes on me, but when I would look in her direction she always looked away before I could capture her gaze. She was a natural beauty. Her shiny hair landed in pretty wave's midway down her back; often it would fall in her face curtaining her face from mine._

_She was intriguing to me. I found her shyness and natural beauty erotic. Which floored me, as I had always been straight in the past. I had boyfriends, even kissed a few. But never had sex with any. No one quite deserving enough to deflower me._

_The day she sat next to me, about two weeks into the term, was the day I learned to love the smell of lavender and freesia. Her scent wafted into my nostrils, overpowering me. _

_She leaned in towards me and said, "Your hands are so gentle. Your pieces are so intricate and ornate." Her eyes moved to mine._

_I could barely speak, her voice sung to me. Her eyes shined with a beauty beyond measure. I knew then she was priceless and that I would never be the same._

_End flashback_

Opening my eyes was the worst thing I could have done. In front of me stood Jasper, close enough I could feel his body heat on my crossed legs.

He leaned in to me and said in a low voice, "I was hoping to talk more about my paintings. You seemed so captivated, but then you ran off." He nodded his head toward the seat next to me. "Would you mind if I joined you? Or did I scare you off?" It was at the moment I could not take my gaze off his intense blue eyes and was left speechless. I nodded my head giving him my approval for him to join me.

"Was this your first visit to the gallery?" he asked as he blew the steam off the top of his espresso.

I shook my head no. My voice apparently had decided to take a mini vacation. "I have my work in there as well," I muttered.

He raised his eyebrows and said, "Really?"

I nodded my reply.

"I would love to see your work," he said with a slight undertone to his voice. "What's your medium? Paint?"

"No, I like to get dirty," I lifted my drink to my lips and took a sip. I felt any tension I may have felt around him quickly dissipate as I lowered my eyes to my coffee. "I play with clay. Sculpture." Did i just say, I liked to get dirty? What the fuck is the wrong with me?

I glanced up to his eyes, looking through my eyelashes and found his eyes were glued to mine. I tilted my head slightly to the side and said, "I'm in a show the weekend after next in Seattle."

"Oh?" That's interesting, so am I," he said with a smile. "Where is your show?"

"Roq La Rue Gallery."

"Guess I'll see you there," He drank the last sip from his mug and rose to his feet. He put his hand in his pocket and brought out a business card and handed it to me. "Here's my card. We artists need to stick together."

I reached for the card but his fingers held onto it tightly. His fingers swept across mine. He winked at me and let go.

He turned to leave and I felt this pang and knew this couldn't be the last time I spoke to him and I quickly rummaged through my purse for my own card.

"Jasper, wait!" I said as my fingers found what they were looking for. "Here's my card." I gave him my card with all my contact info on it. Silently hoping this would not be the last I would see or hear from him. "My name is Alice, by the way."

"It was a pleasure to meet you, Alice." Without another word, he was gone from my sight.

Minutes after he left, my phone buzzed with a text message.

_**Just wanted u to have my number in ur phone :) Jas**_

I smiled as I quickly saved his number to my contact list. Internally battling whether I should answer his text or not, in the end I didn't.

***

The weekend came and Bella was ovulating. I sent her on her merry way to Edward's to get the supply of his seed. Two hours passed and Bella still hadn't returned home.

_Where the FUCK is she?_

My phone buzzed with a text message, assuming it was Bella I angrily flipped open my phone to read what she had to say. To my surprise it wasn't Bella.

_**Are you getting dirty today? Jas**_

Chuckling to myself as I typed out a reply.

_**Wouldn't you like to know?**_

It couldn't have been more than thirty seconds before he sent me one back.

_**As a matter of fact, I would.**__  
_

We texted back and forth a couple more times, all but forgetting the fact that my woman was missing at this very moment. I told him to email me later that I had to get back to work. Work at finding Bella.

I called her phone god knows how many times. When she finally answered, she didn't sound right. She muttered something about helping Angela with wedding planning, which was odd. She had yet to do that with Angela. You think it would have been planned out and I would have known about it. But that's fine, however it still doesn't explain why she didn't answer her phone. She knew how important this day was for us.

Bella arrived home about half an hour later looking almost ratty. Her face was pale, her eyes puffy, and her hair was a bit messy. I guess I could have missed her leaving looking that way; my mind had drifted a lot since the day at the coffee shop. I spent a little too much time day dreaming about Jasper. And for that, I should be struck down by a bolt of lightning. I couldn't fathom why I couldn't get him out of my mind.

That evening Bella gave me one of the best orgasms of my life. She spent unfettered amounts of time suckling each and every pleasure point my body had to offer. She didn't let me please her back, saying it was all for me. Well fuck me if I wasn't the luckiest woman on the planet!

_His hands grazed over my shoulders as he kissed my shoulder and then my collarbone. __His fingers__ left a searing wave of fiery electricity in their wake as they glided along my bare skin. His lips caressing mine, our tongues to__uched__ in an erotic rhythm. The warmth of our pants filling each others mouths as he caressed my bare breasts, gently tugging on the tips sending shivers throughout my body. My nipple__s__ responded to his touch instantly, and the heat between my thighs erupted into an inferno of lust._

_His hands gripped the back of my head towards my neck, firmly caressing his lips to mine with a fire that seemed as if we couldn't separate our lips, and our bodies. One hand left my breast and leisurely trailed down my stomach, stopping at my belly button, circling it then continued on to where I wanted him most. I could not stop panting, never having felt this kind of fire before._

_"Tell me what you want Alice." I quivered with anticipation and felt as if i could not breathe or think. "I want...I need..." He stared at me with such passion and ferocity I never felt possible. "Alice, __t__ell me....I need to hear it." _

_"I want you....to fuck me." __A__nd I grabbed his mouth with such passion it felt as if our mouths and tongues were molted together._

_I ripped my mouth from his as the very touch of his fingers on my inflamed sex caused me to orgasm without warning. Instantly quaking my body into spasm__s__ of pleasure. I groaned with disapproval when his fingers left my clit, only to moan in pleasure when they were replaced by the head of his hard length. _

_"I want you Alice, God how I want you..." _

_He claimed my lips once again and pulled my chest as close to him as he could, wanting to feel every inch of me as he slowly guided his cock inside me. I gasped against his mouth, his body filling my own sent shivers down my spine. A tear trickled down my cheek as we became one within each other. _

_His hips rocked against mine, keeping his cock deep inside me. Bringing my pleasure to heights I had never seen before. Sweat dripped from his brow onto mine before pulling his head back and grunting loudly as I felt him spill into to me. Warm and delicious, my orgasm incapacitated me. Leaving me breathless and satiated._

I woke up with a start. Confused momentarily by my surroundings. I looked next to me, and for a moment was surprised to find Bella next to me instead of him. The him from my dreams. The him from my fantasies. The him was Jasper. And these fantasies and dreams were forbidden. I shook my head at my subconsciousness. I had no right to dream about anyone but HER. I had no right to want anyone but HER, especially after we were finally becoming a family...a family we both wanted.

As thanks for being her, I woke up early the next day to make her boobie pancakes. While prepping the batter, Edward called and asked how she was. He seemed so concerned, that I thought maybe they got into a fight or something but he insisted everything was fine. When we were done talking about the previous day, I made sure he was available for another round of insemination. And of course he was.

Bella seemed surprised that I had talked to Edward. But after breakfast she left to his place, returning in record time with a cup of his sperm. I inseminated her, gave her an orgasm, and we went to bed.

It wasn't until the day I was leaving for Seattle that I noticed something was off with Bella. We were having lunch at the deli when I noticed Edward there. I invited him to our table but he seemed unsure to sit with us. That alone was odd. He looked to Bella as if he was unsure whether he should sit with us or not. She wouldn't even look at him, but her face was bright red. Something was up with those two.

She assured me they were going to spend the weekend hiking and nothing was wrong. I was just grateful she wasn't going to fuck things up between her and him. We needed him.

That evening, I was frantic, packing the last minute items before my flight. I was not in a good mood at that point; stress brings out the beast in me. Then she questioned me about an email. From Jasper. Oh. My. God. He emailed me?? And I didn't get to read it?! It felt like an invasion of privacy. Not just that, but I had waited for an email from him for over a week. And the one time he emails me, she gets it first? Damn. And why the hell was I upset. I really needed to get my head out of my ass and go.

***

The day of the art show I dressed to the nines. Not a hair was out of place, and my makeup was perfect. I lingered near my pieces, nursing a glass of merlot. My stomach was full of butterflies which was abnormal for me. Normally I was the vision of calm.

I walked around the space in search of Jasper. I wanted to see him. I found him in the corner of the room chatting closely to a blond haired woman. A flicker of something surged through me, as I watched him laugh and whisper secrets I could not hear to her ear.

He must have felt my eyes on him because he looked at me right then. I knew I didn't look all that happy. He said his goodbyes to her and walked toward me. Her eyes followed him looking confused and sad. I felt myself smile toward her. She noticed my smile and glared at me which made me giggle. She rolled her eyes, and marched out the door.

"There you are," he breathed. "I was looking for you."

"Is that so?...Well, here I am."

"Yes, you are. And you look stunning by the way." I felt his eyes linger all over my body as he ducked in and kissed my cheek. "Mmmm," he hummed. "And you smell so good too."

My eyes closed for a moment and I felt goose bumps on my skin. His hot breath swept across my face as he pulled away from my cheek to look in my eyes.

"I was hoping you would join me for dinner tonight," he said quietly. His eyes were hooded yet intense and screamed a want and need for sex. "I haven't stopped thinking about you."

My first reaction was to say yes. Yes this very instant. Yes without question or equivocation. But images of Bella fogged my brain. Images of her just 24 hours before underneath me, being inseminated with our child. Even if it was just dinner, I was still giving him the wrong impression and leading him on. The sense that I was interested in anything more than friends, and that would be wrong.

"I have to tell you," I admitted. "I'm taken."

"Well that changes things...slightly. But I would still love to take you to dinner," he stepped back a little more from me. "He is a very lucky man."

I smiled and said, "She, you mean. She is a lucky woman."

His eyes widened briefly and a smile spread across his face. "Well that….now...That is something I can work with." He took my hand in his and started pulling me toward the exit. "Let's go get dinner."

I giggled as I followed him to the door, holding his hand in mine as we walked to his car. He drove us to the nearest restaurant and asked for a table with privacy.

We talked about our art, and if we sold any pieces tonight. I had sold two, he one. He asked me if he could come to my studio and try his hand with clay. I agreed. The conversation flowed between us. I felt as though I had known him forever. His very presence was calming and before we knew it the restaurant was closing...we had been there for more than four hours! How is it possible that we just met?

As the evening progressed, I found myself inching closer and closer to him. His presence was intoxicating. I drank every ounce that he offered me, filling my senses with all things him. I knew it would be hard to keep him a friend. And I wasn't sure how I could do that. I knew that I would keep him a secret for now. This was a friendship I wanted to cherish, and explore on my own.

When we were leaving the restaurant, I felt sad that the night was over. Our time together was at an end. _Friends. We're just friends. That's all we can ever be. Friends._

Here we were standing outside the gallery by our cars, not wanting the night to end. He was nervously putting his hands in his pockets, I was pushing my hair behind my ear. Then suddenly, I was jolted from my thoughts once again, as he appeared mere inches from my lips and he pressed onto them. He felt just as I had imagined. Just as he had in my dream. His lips were soft and gentle as they caressed mine and the surge of electricity seared through me. He parted his lips and his tongue grazed across my bottom lip. And I shocked myself. I. Kissed. Him. Back.

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AN: Song from gallery scene: **Taylor Swift "You Belong With Me"**

**I have decided on a posting schedule of every Friday. I will also work on EPOV for the All I Need companion story, but I dont have a posting schedule for that one. I truly hope you enjoyed Alice's POV. Coming up next is the morning after BxE's tent nookie. Will she regret or want a replay??**

**I didn't reply to reviews the last chapter because I was out of town, and I suck for that. But I read every one! Please check out my thread on Twilighted, you can find the link in my profile. **

**Review's make my day! xoxo  
**


	7. Semitruths

AN: Ok ladies, here it is. The morning after the tent nookie!

Charmie~ LOVE you hard woman! But please, get your ass reading Rhev's book. I mean, seriously!

Momma~ I 3 U too!

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BPOV

I was awake, but not yet able to open my eyes. The arms wrapped around me felt so warm and comfortable. But I was scared to open my eyes and gaze into the forest of trees and moss I would find. And looking into his face might break me. I had no right to want the best of both worlds. On the one hand, there was Edward: A man for whom I had felt so much more than just friendship for sometime now. On the other hand, there was Alice: A woman who gave her heart and soul to me; a woman who was not afraid to take a leap and let me know how she felt from the very beginning; a woman that I love; a woman who has never held back with me and has always been so honest with me and trustworthy.

Edward's arms tightened around me, bringing me from my thoughts to realize that I would have to wake up and face the music. Emotions peaked and my feelings soared into such a frenzy it brought tears to my eyes. I blinked rapidly trying to hold back the flood but it was a losing battle. I cried silently, rousing Edward.

"Bella?" he said concerned. "What's wrong?"

I took a deep breath, and closed my eyes, trying to come up with the right words to express how I was feeling at that very moment.

"Nothing… Nothing's wrong," I whispered. "I'm just a bit overwhelmed." I smiled at him, assuring him I wasn't sad. I gazed in his eyes and saw nothing but adoration. God he was beautiful!

I wrapped my hands around the back of his neck and pulled him close. I gently pressed my lips to his, bringing his bottom lip into my mouth, gently sucking on it before grazing it with my teeth. I released his lip and my tongue languidly pressed through his open mouth, caressing his tenderly. The kissing alone was heaven. It felt like heaven to be here with Edward.

I pressed my still naked body against his and lightly ran my fingers up and down his side. His body shivered against my touch. He placed his hands on the small of my back, firmly pressing my already hot core to his obvious arousal. I pushed on his shoulder, signaling him to lie on his back and I swung my leg over him and pivoted my body on top. When I looked down upon him I felt something I had never encountered before...was it lust or desire or could it be adoration or even love?

I pulled away from his lips to sit up straight to take him inside me. I craved the fullness I felt when we were joined. I wanted to feel him inside of me, pumping in and out until we both released, but he had other plans.

He sat up along with me and reclaimed my lips as he used his hands to arrange my legs around him. He brought his hands to my ass and gently lifted me up, positioning the head of his cock at my entrance. I moaned in his mouth as he slowly lowered me onto him. The slowness of it seemed excruciating but I just wanted him in any way possible!

He seemed to be relishing in the moments it took him to fully sheath himself inside of me. We kissed with such passion and I wondered vaguely how I could ever leave him. I began rocking my hips against his, feeling his cock slip deep inside of me, deeper than ever before.

The tingles in my stomach started immediately. This position was so intimate, more so than the previous night. He was so deep inside me and the ecstasy was building quickly.

I slowly started raising my hips up and down. My pace quickened with the imminence of my climax, debilitating my ability to put any effort toward the kissing. I pressed my forehead to his and we couldn't break our stare as we were moaning and breathing heavily with every thrust.

"Bella...You like this don't you sweetheart?" Edward whispered while is hand grazed down my backside.

"Edward, I can't....Oh God, this feels so fucking amazing" I whimpered. The feel of Edward deeper than he had ever been inside of me and staring at each other with all of this passion was becoming too much.

"Bella, cum for me....I need to see it" Edward begged.

"Oh fuck.....me.....Edward....." I moaned. My orgasm ripped through me, causing me to groan at full volume while never letting my eyes leave Edward's gaze.

My body had a mind of its own and my fingernails dug into the skin on his back. He didn't seem to care or notice as he pressed open mouthed kisses on my neck. His hands were still on my ass, helping me thrust faster on his cock. I felt his body tense as he came inside me as his groan filled the air around us.

We held each other, our bodies trembling and our breathing ragged. I placed a kiss on his shoulder before resting my head there. It was several minutes before he turned and helped me into a prone position with my head facing his chest. He held me close as I drifted into one of the deepest slumbers I could ever recall.

We awakened a couple hours later to the sound of birds chirping, still wrapped in each others arms. I kissed his chest softly before rolling away from him and standing up to put on my clothes.

"Mmm, morning sunshine," he said, his voice still hoarse from sleep.

I smiled at him and leaned down and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips before stepping out of the tent to make breakfast.

"Dammit!" I moaned as I took in the sight in front of me. "The raccoons are fierce this time of year!"

Any and all food that was not nailed down had been rifled through. Half-chewed graham crackers littered the ground. Lucky for us, they couldn't breech the inside of the cooler.

Edward ducked his head out of the tent, "At least the cooler was safe." I smiled as I realized that we even thought alike.

He stepped out of the tent wearing a pair of very low slung sweat pants and no shirt. His chiseled abs glistened with still drying sweat from our morning activities. I smiled to myself as I turned my attention to the cooler, getting out the eggs and bacon.

After breakfast we packed up the campsite, taking down the tent and rolling up the sleeping bags. We did this in silence, though I felt his eyes on me. We put everything in the trunk of my car and after shutting the trunk, he turned to face me.

"Bella, I think we should talk," he said in a shushed voice.

"About what?" I asked, playing the oblivious card. I knew we needed to talk; how could we _not_ need to talk. But I just couldn't right now. I didn't want to ruin the moment we had shared.

He let out a laugh that sounded more like a tensed breath. "You know what about," he said as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the car. "You and me. Us. What happened between us last night and this morning." His face was soft but concerned. As if he was scared of what I had to say. I could see it in his face and hear it in his voice.

"I know we need to talk about us but...," I said softly, taking a step toward him and cupped his cheek with my hand. "Can we do this later? I'm not evading...really! I promise we will talk!" I wrapped my free arm around his waist.

I wasn't ready for this conversation; I needed time figure things out and I knew I needed to let him know that.

"I just need some....time." Moving my hand from his cheek to the back of his neck, rubbing gentle circles on his soft skin. "I can tell you honestly, I have no regrets. This weekend was..." trying to find the words to describe how perfect I felt right now, "magical!" I pulled him close and kissed him deeply.

He wound his arms around my waist and lifted me up as I wrapped my legs around him. He set me down on the hood of the car and I felt his hardened cock meet my heated core through our clothing.

Our kisses became frantic. I tugged at the waist of his pants, and pushed them down to his knees. He quickly pulled off my shorts along with my panties and tossed them on the ground. Without warning, he thrust into me, hard and deep. The sound of our skin slapping against each other rang in our ears, followed by moans and heavy breathing.

"Oh god, Edward.....don't stop....don't ever stop, you feel so fucking good!" I moaned into his ear.

It was urgent and furious. I knew in his mind he thought this might be our last time together. He fucked me hard, driving the memory of our union straight into the long term memory area of my brain. Little did he know there was no way I would ever forget being with him like this.

He shifted positions slightly and curved his hips upward causing his hard as steel erection to pound against my clit.

"Oh god Edward...I'm gonna...." I tensed and he pulled back to see my face.

"Bella, that's it...cum for me baby." and he leaned down and kissed me hard and fierce while pumping into me fiercely and he lowered his finger to my clit rubbing in circles. My climax was so hard and fast I felt weak afterwards as I screamed in pleasure. His orgasm followed shortly after and his head came to rest on my shoulder. I felt him smile and laugh into my skin.

"Well that's one way to change the subject," he said looking at me through hooded eyelids.

"I thought you might like that," I teased. I didn't want to end our embrace but knew we had to get going. "Shall we head home now?"

He nodded his head and we quickly dressed and got into the car. His hand rested on my thigh the whole drive home as we quietly listened to music with goofy smiles on our faces.

I was happy not to have to face reality at this moment..

The reality that I was a cheater and a liar.

The reality that if I got pregnant, it would mean so much more now than ever before.

The real world began to intrude as we got closer to his house. I felt my heart pump faster when we pulled into his driveway.

In my heart I knew this was it for us. And no matter what I did, someone was going to get hurt. And I was to blame!

_How was I ever going to fix this? _

I took a deep breath as he turned off the engine once parked in his driveway. We emptied his items into his garage and turned to face each other. We hugged like we had never hugged before. Tight and long. I tilted my face to his and lightly kissed his lips before climbing into my car and driving home with a heavy heart. My vision blurred as tears filled my eyes, creating wet paths down my cheeks.

Alice wasn't home yet, so I showered and laid in bed for a nap. I couldn't get him out of my head. The way he looked at me with such longing. I closed my eyes and all I could see were his green eyes pouring into my own. All I could feel were his warm hands grazing over me.

I cried.

I cried for all the mistakes I made.

I cried for never giving Edward the benefit of the doubt; thinking that maybe he had feelings for me all along but I was too blind to see.

I cried for dubiously taking all the pleasure he had to offer with nothing to offer him in return but my body.

My heart had already been given to another who loved me honestly and truly and never once waivered. A heart that was not pure anymore and I'm not sure if it ever was.

I slept hard and long. The emotions coursing through my body left a wake of worn out cells that needed rejuvenation.

I woke to feather light kisses and a soft hand caressing my cheek. My vision blurred for a moment and I blinked to clear my sight. Alice was home gracing me with love and adoration. Her eyes spoke volumes as she gently kissed all over my face. Whispering words of love to me.

I pulled her into a close embrace, dropping soft kisses on her neck. "I missed you," I simply said.

"I missed you too, love," she said as she brought her lips to mine.

She deepened the kiss, her need evident as she slid her hands under my shirt to caress the bare skin of my stomach and slowly making her way toward my breasts. I felt myself withdrawing from her actions as I pulled away from the kiss and smiled at her.

"Baby, I'm pretty sore from all the hiking." I wasn't quite ready for this intimacy and the realization scared me. Why couldn't I be with Alice. She was the one that I shared my life, body and soul with?

"Would you like a massage?" she said with hunger in her voice. "I'm pretty good with my hands."

"It's ok; I know you must be tired too," I murmured softly, not wanting to hurt her feelings with my rejection.

"I know!" she exclaimed. "Let's go to Edward's and use his hot tub!"

In the pit of my stomach I knew this could be a disaster, but I wanted to see him again. Damn me to hell but I had to be the most selfish woman alive.

"Ok, that sounds...nice," I said with a smile and I wondered if Alice could sense my hesitation?

Alice called Edward to make sure we could come over. I'm not sure if I was surprised or not that she said he sounded eager for us to come over. A part of me felt guilty for bringing Alice with me. The thought of parading my girlfriend around him made me sick to my stomach.

When we walked into his house, wearing only our swim suits, I felt his eyes appraise me. He was in his swim trunks which slung low on his waist. His muscular chest heaved with each breath; my eyes traced each curve of muscle. His six pack was a work of art; and the 'V' leading to the waist of his shorts was an erotic beauty. .

_How could I have had him so many times __in the last 24 hours __and still want him this badly? _

I found myself staring at him as we all sat in the hot, bubbling water. The steam brought beads of sweat on his brow as he licked the moisture off his lips. Alice slipped her hand on my thigh and scooted close to me.

I turned my gaze to her, finding a smirk on her face as her hand traveled up my thigh. I put my hand on hers, stopping its ascent.

"Not in here, not in front of company," I whispered, feeling Edward's gaze on us.. I chanced a look at him and was startled at what I found: Hurt and jealousy were dominant in his eyes.

Alice kissed my neck before getting out to use the bathroom. I moved next to Edward and took his hand in mine.

"What's wrong?" I asked, my eyes showing concern.

"I just didn't expect to feel this way," he admitted. His hand came up and pinched between his eyes.

"I'm really sorry to do this to you," I whispered. "I just wanted to see you. I missed you," I said as I brought his hand to my cheek. "I am so confused right now. I find myself thinking of you constantly. I know it's wrong, I know it's fucked up, but I can't break Alice's heart either. She deserves better than this."

"I'm sorry I can't give myself to you whole," I whispered, regretting to have to say this to him. "Just know I will never forget the weekend we had together. I will cherish every moment, every kiss and every breath I shared with you." I heard Alice coming toward the back door. "But memories are all I have to offer you right now."

His eyes closed for a moment before he stood up to leave the hot tub. Alice looked at me, questioning his departure with her eyes. I shrugged my shoulders in reply, feeling guilty deep down. We left shortly after, going home to shower and get ready for bed.

Alice paced our bedroom as I readied myself for bed. She looked at me nervously before sitting down next to me on the bed.

"Bella, I need to tell you something," she said quietly, not looking me in the eyes.

"Don't freak me out Al, spit it out," I said shakily. It wasn't often she acted nervous around me.

"Promise me something."

"Ok, what do you want me to promise?" My stomach had butterflies as I felt my stomach drop.

"Promise me when I tell you what I have to tell you, that you will hear me out."

I looked her straight in the eyes, panic fueling my heart as it raced into my throat.

"I promise." I mumbled, barely finding my voice.

"I met someone at the art show," she whispered. "We kissed."

Fuck me if I'm not a hypocrite! I didn't just kiss someone, I full on _fucked_ someone and not just once but several times. But still I felt the sting of betrayal. She had always been so honest with me about everything! The thought of her kissing someone ignited my anger.

"What?" I bellowed.

"It meant nothing, and I felt horrible, and it won't happen again!" Her words came so quickly I could barely make them out.

"Who was it?" I asked, I couldn't even look at her.

"No one you know."

"Was it that person who emailed, that you acted so upset about?" I seethed.

"No! It wasn't Jasper. It was a woman named Jane." She threw her arms around me, calling out apologies and proclaiming her love for me. "And it meant nothing!"

"Are you going to see her again?" I questioned.. If they were going to be at the same galleries, could I trust Alice with this woman?

_What was I saying__? _

So what? So she kissed someone and confessed the truth to me! I had full on fucked Edward more than once. I felt like such a hypocrite! But I felt so betrayed!

"Yes, I'm sorry, I will. She works with the same galleries as I do. But I promise _**that**_ will never happen again." Alice promised. "Please, baby, please forgive me," she sobbed.

I knew I forgave her already. I knew I had done worse. But I was not about to tell her about me and Edward. But I was going to tell her how I forgave her.

Her head was down, sobs wracking her chest. Her body trembled with each tear.

"Alice, baby, look at me," I said in a soft voice. I had to give her relief from this guilt. "I forgive you. Really, I do." I placed a soft kiss on her lips. "You made a mistake, and you told me about it. That speaks volumes." _Hypocrite._

We held each other on top the covers until her rhythmic breathing told me she was asleep. I gently pulled the covers from under her and tucked the blankets around her before I arose.

My girlfriend had kissed another girl and told me about it. I had fucked up royally and didn't know how to fix this.

Heaven help me, but the more I was away from him, the more I craved him and the more I wondered who really held my heart.

I struggled with my thoughts until I could fight no more. I dialed Edward's number and when he answered I held my breath and closed my eyes.

"Bella?" his smooth voice was like music to my ears.

"Can I come over?" Yep, I am a hypocrite who is going to hell.

***

APOV

Why can't I stop thinking of him?

How it felt just talking to him over the best dinner I have had in years.

How it felt when Jasper's lips were against mine how soft and dominating they were.

His tongue lapped at mine sending tingles through my body. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer.

Reality set in at the enormity of the situation as he pulled back to look directly in my eyes. A twinge of guilt was instantaneous. As wrong as it was, it felt so right while in the moment.

"Jasper... I," his lips cut off my words as he pulled me into another heated kiss. My body wanted to continue, but my mind won over. I put my hands on his chest and pushed.

"I can't do this. It's wrong," I stated.

He was silent for a moment, his eyes searching my face as he was trying to understand my actions.

"You can't tell me you don't feel it," he said quietly, taking a step toward me to close the space between us. "The chemistry we have, is more than physical. And I know you can feel it," he caressed my cheek lightly. "The kiss. Oh god," he closed his eyes and shook his head, "kissing you feels like home. The moment my lips touched yours I felt tingles from head to toe. I have _never_," he paused for effect, "felt that before."

I quietly sighed. Yes, I felt it too.

"I felt it too," I whispered, barely audible. "But that doesn't make it right." I took a step back and looked him straight in the eye. "I have to go."

Before he could say anything else, I ran across the street and quickly went to the motel. I plopped on the bed and fell back, tears sprung from my eyes. I had always told myself I would never be a cheating kind. I would never do anything to hurt Bella that way.

But being around Jasper, I was an entirely different person. I hadn't known him that long, but he said exactly what I was thinking. I felt the tingles; I felt the bond to him.

"Fuck." I said to myself as I kicked off my shoes and slipped under the covers clothes and all. I heard my phone beep with a text message. I flipped open my phone, it was from Jasper.

_**Please don't run away from me.**_

I closed my phone without replying._ I don't want to run, Jasper. But I have no choice._

The next day during my trip home, I decided I needed to tell Bella and beg for her forgiveness.

But I wasn't so sure I deserved it, as all I could think about was him. His touch made me feel more alive than ever. His kiss was like pure bliss, if you can believe it. If I had met him before Bella, there was is no question in my mind about whether I would be with him or not. I would be his in a heartbeat!

But I was committed to Bella and the truth was, as attracted as I was to Jasper, I still loved Bella.

I pulled in our driveway and was happy to see Bella was home already. I ducked in our bedroom and she was asleep on our bed. I woke her up with kisses and tried to take things further, but she had hiked all weekend and was sore. Well I knew a perfect way to take away the soreness: A hot tub!

The water was a perfect temperature and it calmed my nerves as I rested my hand on Bella's leg. I felt her tense up when I touched her, which was odd. I looked over at her and found her looking at Edward. Her face almost... apologetic?

Right then I heard my phone jingle with a text message. There was only one person that could be. Bella didn't seem to notice, so I made my exit as if I was going to the bathroom. I grabbed my phone and locked myself in the bathroom, taking a seat on the toilet lid.

My hands were shaky as I flipped open my phone to read his message.

_**I miss you.**_

I closed my eyes and hugged the phone to my chest. I gave him no reason to contact me again. I point-blank took off running from him. But still he was reaching out for me. Begging for contact from me.

I was apprehensive with my reply, but I knew, once again, I felt the same way.

_**Yeah, I miss you too.**_

He replied right away, he was as anxious as I was.

_**I really want to see u again. Ur all I think about.**_

I read the text over and over again. Trying to form an answer in my mind. I knew I couldn't see him again. It was too risky to put myself in that position. It was a losing battle. My heart won out, I had to see him again. I struggled to keep my fingers steady as I typed out a reply.

_**OK. Call me tomorrow.**_

He replied that he would call me in the afternoon, which was perfect. I headed back to the hot tub to find Edward getting out. I questioned Bella with my eyes but got nothing more than a shrug.

When we got home and readied ourselves for bed, I decided to tell Bella about the kiss. I folded and told her it was a woman. I panicked at the last moment and chose to keep Jasper as my own secret. As bad as that made me, I couldn't have her hate him. I cried for hurting her and felt myself drift off to sleep.

The movement of her leaving the bed woke me. She was on the house phone in the kitchen when I walked to the door. I heard her asking someone if she could come over. Who would she be going to see at this time of night?

I quickly returned to bed and lay down, pretending to be asleep. I waited until I heard her leave through the front door and heard her car pull out.

I quickly went into sleuth mode and checked the phone to see who she had called.

_Edward__! _

_She had called Edward._

_Why was she going to Edward's house this late?_

________________________________________________________________________

AN: For the record, I have been asked alot about the sexuality of both Alice and Bella. So let me just put it out there that from now on they can be considered bi. Neither straight nor fully gay. And there is nothing wrong with that! What's wrong with wanting a taste of all flavors??

Please visit my thread on the Twilighted forums, link is on my profile. I post teasers!

Review for a teaser! Also, feeling the love from reviews helps me with EPOV ;)


	8. Protection

AN: Charmie, who beta's for me, also co-wrote this chapter with me. I had a really hard time with it for some reason, and she took the chapter and helped transform it into something that I felt good about posting. She really goes beyond the call of duty for me and I am forever grateful. (think she feels loved now? god I hope so)

BellaMadonna~ thank you so much! You have such a long workday but somehow find time for me.

I dont own Twilight but you know how much fun it is to fuck with the characters??

* * *

BPOV

On my way to Edward's I kept thinking about the past few weeks. Had it really only been just a few weeks since I had asked Edward to be our sperm donor for the child that Alice and I would have together? Now here I am, unable to get Edward out of my mind, my dreams and, is it possible, my heart?

Edward was waiting for me when I arrived at his house. Concerned was etched all over his face as he opened the door to let me in. I threw myself into his warm arms the moment I saw him. I tried in vain to keep it together as my tears betrayed me and ran down my cheeks. He brought me into a huge that was warm and loving and for the life of me, I just didn't want to leave this embrace. He held me while I cried for some time, with nothing but the way he swayed with me in that moment, and the comfort I felt was immeasurable.

"Bella, sweetie, talk to me..." his concerned eyes met my teary ones as he pulled me back.

I sensed he was worried that my emotional state...was about him. That the tears were caused by what we had done together. I needed to assure him. This had nothing to do with him, this was more about my feelings of conflict. How I felt guilty betraying Alice when in turn she, had betrayed me. How I felt that no matter what I do - all I want is Edward, all the time!

"Ummm...It's Alice-," a sobbing betrayal ripped through my throat cutting me off. I can't really talk to him about what happened with Alice...it just seems wrong.

"Bella, you can tell me," he pleaded. "I want to be here for you...always."

At that moment, everything came rushing back to me. My feelings for him from high school, how he hurt me and made me feel so unwanted, how he had become my closest friend and how I wasn't sure what I would do without him. It made me realize how difficult everything is, whatever we have...is complicated.

"She… ummm....well, she kissed someone else," I sobbed. "I know I'm a hypocrite and horrible person for being upset. But it still sucks."

He cradled my face so gently and with such compassion, then he smoothed the hair back that was sticking to my face from my tears and pulled me closer as he sat back on the couch with me on his lap. I couldn't help but feel like this way home and then my thoughts betrayed me.

"I can understand why you would be upset," he said in a calming voice. "Did she tell you or...."

"Alice told me last night when I got home and she said it was an accident and that it would never happen again, but I should be jealous or feel betrayed or something, right?"

"What do you feel?" He said after a long pause as he ran his fingers through my hair, calming me even more. God that felt good.

"This is going to sound really bad." I closed my eyes and searched for the right words. "I guess what I feel... most is, less guilty."

He was silent for so long, I raised my head to look him in the eyes and search his face for his reaction. How the hell did I get into this fucking awful mess? Edward had always made it clear he didn't want me...what changed?

"I honestly don't know what to say," he finally said. "I think I'm too invested in you to say anything that would be even remotely unbiased." He gave me a reserved smile. "I'm sorry she hurt you. I'm sorry you feel guilty. But I'm not sorry for being with you." He cupped my cheeks tenderly with his warm hands and looked me straight in the eyes with such tenderness. "I need you to tell me what you want...from me."

I looked at him in awe, I knew we needed to have this conversation but I had no idea what to say or do. Moments later I murmured softly, "Edward....I....I'm not sure what to say...I love being with you, I don't know how to stop. I never thought I'd feel this way about you or that you could care for me this way."

Edward sighed with a slight smile on his face. "I know you can't give me all of you right now and I know it's selfish of me, but I will take any part of you that you'll offer me."

I lunged forward and pressed my lips to his. "I'm sorry....Edward I'm...." At that moment he kissed me with such desperation as if he'd die if he couldn't kiss me. Without reservation, I plunged my tongue into his mouth. I sensed his hesitation and pulled back to question him with my eyes.

"Let me comfort you...please Bella," he whispered while lightly rubbing my cheek with his thumbs. "I love having sex with you. I would never turn you down when you want me like this. But I don't want to just have angry, regret filled sex because of something Alice did...Let this just be about us."

I nodded in understanding and curled my legs under him as I wrapped my arms around him and tucked my head on his chest again. He rubbed soothing circles on my back as I listened to his calm and steady breathing.

Suddenly I started feeling some cramping in my abdomen and I recognized the other symptoms: I was starting my period. I sat up and Edward looked concerned. "Edward...I....uhhh....Excuse me?"

Edward followed me as I walked to the bathroom. "Bella are you alright? What's wrong?"

I could tell he was starting to panic. I needed to ease his fears and reassure him that I was perfectly alright. I told him I was fine, and needed a few minutes alone. Then, I walked out of the bathroom a few moments later feeling a little sad and yet relieved.

"I'm fine Edward...it's just I got my period."

"Oh Bella, most people don't get pregnant their first month...We'll just have to keep trying." He smirked down at me as he put his hands around my waist. It felt so normal, so couple-like, and I realized if we get pregnant it would change everything. I could, and probably would, lose him if it came down to that. He just got into this to help Alice and me have a baby. Had his feelings really changed that much?

"Edward, I think we should use protection when we're together from now on," I said quietly, unsure of his response. He looked at me suspiciously.

"Why? What's wrong? Don't you want my baby anymore?" Concern laced his voice.

God how do I tell him that I'm confused? How do I bring a baby into a home that is so broken right now? "I just think," I squeezed my arms tighter around him, swallowed, and started again. "I think if I get pregnant right now," my voice started shaking, "It will mean something so much more than what we first intended. To you _and_ me and you don't want...."

He doesn't want a baby remember, he's only doing this to help me...at least that's how it started.

"Yeah," he agreed.

I sighed in relief from his understanding. I didn't want to have to explain why it would be different. But now I knew he felt it too.

"What does that mean for us, Bella?" he asked hesitantly.

What_ does_ this mean for us? I wasn't sure I had an answer for him. I knew I loved the way he made me feel and when I was with him it felt right, not awkward at all. How can you be friends with someone for so many years and then start having sex and it feels perfectly normal? I also knew I wanted to feel more, all of him. His body next to mine lit my soul on fire in a way I had never felt before.

"Bella?"

I had to answer him. He deserved so much more than what I had given him. But I was too goddamn selfish to give him up.

"I don't know what it means for us," I answered him honestly. "I can tell you I don't want to give this up, I want this....whatever it is...I promise to figure it out soon."

He nuzzled my hair and pressed a kiss to the top of my head.

"I promise...Edward...I...will." I whispered.

He held me until my eyes were heavy and I decided it was time to go home. We kissed goodbye before I stepped out the door and walked to my car. While I was with Edward, it was as if the outside world didn't exist. He had an effect on me I couldn't describe, but I knew I liked it and I couldn't give it up.

Driving home, I felt the weight of everything on me. I struggled to breathe as I gripped the steering wheel with a death grip. I pulled up to the house and saw the kitchen light was on. Two in the morning and Alice was still up. She must have heard me leave.

Alice was sitting at the kitchen table sipping on a cup of tea. She looked at me defeated and exhausted. He expression was bewildered, eyes red and puffy. She had been crying.

"I needed to see Edward," I started to explain where I had been.

She raised her hand to halt my speaking.

"You don't need to explain," she croaked. "I understand."

I stepped next to her and laid my hand on her shoulder and squeezed slightly. She quickly stood and hugged me tightly, whispering apologies in my ear. She rained kisses on my cheek, down my jaw, ending on my mouth. I put my hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her away.

Confused by the rejection, she took a step back and shook her head. "Bella?"

"Alice, I know we need to talk about things but....I just can't right now. I'm going back to bed." I whispered as I turned toward our bedroom, leaving her standing in the kitchen confused and crushed. I climbed in bed, ready for sleep to claim me. I was asleep before she came to our room.

After a quick shower, I dressed quietly for work while the coffee brewed in the kitchen. I had tried to not wake Alice, but soon she was stirring. She opened her eyes and sniffed the air, the aroma of my special occasion _Gevalia Coffee_ was impossible to miss.

"You're drinking coffee?" she questioned.

She had decided I wouldn't drink coffee while I might be pregnant. Apparently caffeine may or may not be bad for a fetus. But I felt no need to worry about that anymore, so I wanted to drink coffee!

"Yeah, about that," I sat on the edge of the bed next to her waking form. "I started my period yesterday."

She patted my back sympathetically. "I'm sorry baby. Next month will be our month." She tried to comfort me.

I nodded in agreement while keeping my eyes averted from her. My deceptions were mounting. But, honestly, how could we even think about having a baby together still when our relationship was so strained and everything was such a mess? The only problem was, Alice had no clue just how strained our relationship really was.

"I need to get to work," I said as I headed to the door. I waved goodbye before exiting our room.

"Wait, Bella!" she threw the covers back and quickly walked to me. "Can I meet you for lunch today?"

"Can't today. I'm sorry, I have meetings." The lies just keeping coming, it scared me how easily they came. I was meeting Edward for lunch and I didn't want to give that up for anything.

"Oh, okay. I'll see you after work."

This is how we spent the week. Our affection towards each other all but disappeared. I know on my side it was deliberate. But I wondered why she didn't even try. I spent as many lunches with Edward as he could get away. And the evenings were loaded with Alice talking about her newest piece or us quietly watching television. It felt more like two friends living together as roommates than lovers.

Lunches with Edward were what I woke up for. By the end of the week, I couldn't wait to be with him - it had felt like an eternity and in reality it was only five days. How was I ever going to give him up? Needless to say we didn't eat any food for lunch on Friday. My car was officially christened, on the inside this time.

"Bella, I want to take you away for a weekend. Can you get away?" he stated once his breathing calmed.

"I would love that," I said as I pulled my pants back on.

"Next weekend. I want you all to myself," he told me, a huge smile playing on his face.

"Okay." A smile of my own mirrored his. "Where are you taking me?"

He shook his head in playful disappointment. "It's a secret, love," he teased.

"Okay, fine," I pouted playfully. "I'm coming over tomorrow. Just so you know."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," he said with a kiss.

That evening I was making dinner while Alice was in her studio. She emerged to wash up and meet me at the table to eat.

"I bought more OPT's today," she said between bites. "You'll need to start using them in a few days."

"Yeah, I know," I said quietly.

"How was your day today? What did you have for lunch?"

I smiled at the memory of my lunch rendezvous. "Work was fine. I gave Angela the RSVP card for us. Her wedding is in a few weeks, don't forget and I missed lunch." I inwardly was pleased that I was able to tell her the truth about part of lunch today.

She smiled at me and continued eating her dinner.

"Edward wants to hang out tomorrow. You can come if you want," I offered, but really hoped she had plans. "But we'll probably just watch sports and not be all that entertaining."

"Nah, you guys have fun," she said looking away from me.

"Want to go hiking the next weekend?" I was really laying it on thick. I knew she wouldn't go hiking.

"Um, yeah Bella, cause you know I LOVE to hike," she rolled her eyes. "You go ahead, take Edward with you. He is better company for that type of thing than I am. But go on and have fun."

I returned her smile with one of my own. Getting out of the house had never been this easy. She had always wanted to go everywhere with me. Something was up with my little pixie, but my need to see Edward overpowered me.

Even in our sleep, we were distant. I woke up in the morning on the edge of the bed, hugging my pillow and found Alice on the edge of her side. A space of bed between us spoke mountains. I didn't even want to think of the fact that it felt more like friends after a sleepover rather than the lovers we claimed to be.

Instead of stewing, I sent Edward a text message.

**Are you up yet?**

I set my phone down on the nightstand and got up to get dressed. It wasn't two minutes before he replied.

**Anxious r we? I'm up and waiting****for**** my company to get here.**

I giggled quietly and replied.

**If you make me breakfast I can get there sooner ;)**

I slipped on some jeans and a black t-shirt. My phone buzzed with his reply.

**How about breakfast in bed?**

My heart skipped a beat as I replied with shaky fingers.

**Perfect. On my way!**

I ran a brush through my hair and threw it in a loose pony tail. Woke Alice just enough to say goodbye and drove to Edwards. I let myself in and followed my nose to the kitchen. Cinnamon and butter wafted my senses as I stood in the doorway and watched him cook unnoticed in just a pair of pajama bottoms. My eyes raked all the way down his body and placed my hands along his thighs and rested them on his perfect ass giving him a slight spanking. Taking in each ripple of muscle. I was so entranced in his godlike glory that I didn't notice him smirking at me.

"See something you like?" he said as he flexed his abs.

"You're kidding right?" I breathed as I walked up to him and swathed my arms around his waist and laced my fingers together. I reached up and kissed the back of his neck, rounding my way to the side and placed kisses under his ear and heard him moan ever so softly. He turned to face me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I let out a sensual sigh as his hands found a resting place on my ass. Not wanting to wait any longer, I pulled him down for a kiss.

"Mmmm," he moaned against my mouth. "I missed you."

I smiled against his lips and opened my mouth to lazily trace his lips with my tongue eliciting a sigh from him. I released from the kiss to look him in his gorgeous green eyes that I get lost in every time I see him.

"I thought you said we were having breakfast in bed?" I asked seductively.

He reached to turn off the stove before he lifted me up and walked toward the stairs. I wrapped my legs around his waist while kissing and sucking on the salty skin of his neck. I found myself giggling going up the stairs, having never felt happier.

He kicked his bedroom door closed and laid me on his bed. It did not go unnoticed to me that the last time we had been in the room together I had left crying. I would not do that to him again. I wanted to erase that memory and replace it with a good one of us together here.

"Come here," I whispered.

He laid down on top of me as he leaned his lips down to mine, softly at first, taking in my bottom lip and then extended his tongue into my mouth and we began kissing passionately. He caressed my breast softly at first, then began undressing me. Not wanting to be upstaged, I reached down and tugged at the elastic waistband of his pants, sliding them down to find nothing underneath them.

"Mmmm Someone was ready for me," I panted between kisses.

"Always, Love....Always."

The passion between us was beyond reason, totally out of control. When he would graze my breast, I felt an electric presence that I could never turn down. He began lowering his kiss to my neck, collarbone, and worked his way to my nipple. His tongue darting out, moving in a circular motion as he licked my nipple and then he sucked my nipple already at alert. While putting focus on the other breast, his left hand found his way to my hip, then my thigh and then his fingers found my aching clit and began to rub ever so slowly and worked himself into a rhythm. He slowly decended until he was right before my wet pussy and he was taunting me, tracing the lines of lips with his tongue...and then he began rubbing my clit again slowly and with such torture.

I felt him insert his finger, "Bella, you're so wet for me," and I found myself moaning uncontrollably. Within mere moments, I felt that familiar feeling begin to ache it's way to my core.

"That's it love...come for me."

"Don't stop...Edward...like that."

"Say it again....say my name."

I look straight into his eyes as I felt the orgasm overtake me..."Oh Edward...Fuck....Me."

"We'll get to that love..." he smirked back as he brought himself up to my breasts kissing his way back up to my neck and finally kissed me passionately on my lips with such force. I tasted myself on him and it was sweet and salty, mixed with the smell of Edward and I couldn't get enough.

I wrapped my legs around him and pulled him to me. I ached to feel him inside me. Fuck all this foreplay; we had all day for that. I needed to feel him and I was animalistic in my need. I grabbed the condom off the nightstand that Edward pulled out earlier and took the wrapper into my mouth and tore it open. He looked at me puzzled and I pulled the condom out and began to unroll it on his cock, grazed by his balls, and heard him moan in agony.

"Are you going fuck me or what?" I pleaded.

Edward smirked back at me with such playfulness. "Someone is eager...Does that mean you want me....here?" as he teased his cock against my entrance.

Feeling my need, he slowly and in an aching pace, pushed himself into me inch by marvelous inch, until he was inside of me fully. His raging hard cock fully sheathed in my drenched pussy sent tingles through my body. I moaned into his mouth as he rocked his hips against mine.

I adjusted the angle of my hips to drive him deeper in me. He halted and lifted my legs on each of his shoulders and I looked at him with a confused glare. "Never tried this huh? Guess there are a few things I can still teach you."

_"Je pourrais rester dans vous et vous baise ceci aime ma vie entière... "_ Edward whispered into my ear.

His next thrust caused me to cry out in a new and fuckingly thrilling way as he bottomed out against my cervix. His thrusts came quicker and harder, sending me into a frenzy of pleasure. I was so worked up I knew I wouldn't last long.

"Fuck Me....Holy Shit that is...Edwaarrrddd!" I screamed as my pussy contracted around his thick cock. I felt him go over the edge, filling the condom with his hot cum.

I pulled him to my open mouth and we kissed and then collapsed in ecstasy.

_Holy Shit...How does it keep getting better and better? _

"Where the hell did you learn that?" I questioned.

"I have A LOT of tricks up my sleeves..." he smirked. That son of a bitch was flirting with me and I fucking loved it.

***

APOV

The last week had been stressful. Since my confession to Bella she had been even more withdrawn from me physically and emotionally. I found myself receiving comfort in my conversations with Jasper. He filled me with laughter and the warmth in his voice lifted my spirits. He seemed to always want me to laugh or smile.

"I want to see you again." Jasper begged over into the phone.

"I know...I want that too, it's just....well complicated." I replied hesitantly. I hadn't allowed myself to see him since the night of the kiss. I talked to him on the phone often, but always made it clear that friendship was all he could get from me.

"If I promise to keep my hands to myself, no matter how much I don't want to...will you see me?" he questioned.

I had to admit, I wanted to see him again too. He was quickly becoming something more than a friend to me. Maybe a best friend? Could that be what I felt? Friend feelings? That had to be it.

"Bella will be gone tomorrow to her friends house all day," I finally admitted. "Come over and I'll show you around my studio. Maybe even let you play with some clay."

I gave him my address and set a time of late morning after I knew Bella would be gone to Edward's. I wasn't having a physical relationship with Jasper. But emotionally, I clung to him more with each phone call. Which may be worse than sexually cheating on her.

_Fuck__,__ I am in trouble!

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_

If you haven't already, please read All I Need, Edward's POV of this story. Two chapters are up so far, working on the third this weekend.

Please visit my thread on the forum for teasers and chat! Link is in my profile.

I'm a review whore, help a girl out? xoxo


	9. Bed of Roses

AN: Thank you Charmie, who puts a ton of time and energy into this story for me. Thank you for spending so much time on chat with me as I stress over plot and writing.

And Momma, who always seems to make time for me during her super busy day. Thank you!

I just had to rec this fic to you - it is seriously one of the best written stories out there right now : '**Mens Rea - A Guilty Mind'** by Forbidden_Fruit. Read it!

There is a chunk of APOV, and I know alot of you just want B or E, but don't skip over it! It's a necessity.

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APOV

Bella slipped out of bed before I was awake to get ready to spend the day with Edward. I hardly slept the night before, the nerves wreaking havoc on my stomach in anticipation of Jasper's visit. I had to keep repeating to myself_ I am not cheating I am not cheating. I am not cheating_. But the guilt, I assure you, was extreme.

I lay in bed listening to Bella quietly pick out her clothes for the day. I peaked through sleepy eyes at her naked form, standing in front of the dresser pulling on her panties over her long smooth, silky legs. My eyes lingered on her round, perfect ass, and I wondered if she would consider waiting before getting dressed so I could appreciate the sight a little bit longer. I smiled to myself as she turned to look at her backside in the mirror and patted herself on the ass in approval. _That's right, Bella, I approve of those panties too_. She then pulled on a pair of jeans and a black skin tight t-shirt, no bra. The smile on her face was gregarious from ear to ear. _I wondered to myself what is she so happy about?_

I continued to watch her surreptitiously as she pulled her hair into a loose pony tail. With a slight skip in her step, she turned to walk toward me. I closed my eyes in faux sleep as she patted my shoulder.

"Morning, baby," I said sleep still in my voice.

"I'm heading out now, I'll see you later," she said quietly, her face more serious than it was a moment ago. The huge smile that seemed to light up her face was gone and replaced with a forced one. She leaned down and gave my forehead a quick kiss. I reached my arms up to pull her to me, but a moment too late. She was already gone.

I sat up in bed and pouted to myself at the missed opportunity to snuggle up to her in bed, which I really missed lately. I was feeling the distance growing between us more and more in the past several days.

_Since I told her of the kiss._

I cringed at the thought of what I had done. I had to make it up to her. Somehow I needed to take us back to where we were before. I just know that when we are actually pregnant, with our baby on the way, things will go back to what we use to have before this kiss and her distance. Our life will be perfect. That's when I decided: I would take her out tonight. It would be romantic and I would show her just how much she means to me. We would get back what we once had.

I took a quick shower and threw on the least flattering outfit I could find. A pair of loose sweatpants that I wore while painting our bedroom last year and a shirt about 3 sizes too big, faded out and holey. I was staring at myself in the mirror, pleased with myself at making sure I was as unattractive as possible when there was a knock on the door.

I took a deep breath and opened the door. Inwardly my heart was speeding at the sight before me, but outwardly I was nonchalant. There was Jasper, looking fine and inviting in a pair of faded jeans and a button down white shirt. The top two buttons were undone allowing a sliver of chest hair to peek out. I trailed my eyes along his body before I realized what I was doing. I forced my eyes to his face quickly, and realized how bad an idea it was to have him here. His blue eyes were hypnotic as the smile on his face reached those amazing orbs.

"Are you going to ogle me all day on the porch, or are you going to invite me in?" he teased, a smirk playing his features.

_This man is gonna be the death of me._

I stepped out of the way and fanned my arm out inviting him in. I kept my eyes averted from him as he walked past me and into the foyer.

"For the record," I chided as I shook my head slightly in disagreement. "I was _not _ogling you."

He let out a laugh as he tucked his hands into his pockets. His eyes drifted to his surroundings, settling on a framed picture on the wall. "This must be her?" he said as he walked to the photo to get a closer look.

I walked to stand next to him and nodded my head. "Yes, that's my Bella." I pressed a finger to her portrait and traced her smiling lips. "Isn't she beautiful?"

"Yes, she is...you have good taste," he breathed, a sense of understanding seemed to seep from his pores. "You two… make a lovely couple."

I smiled at his words and felt a sense of calm for the first time today. I knew then that he understood my sentiments about us being just friends. It was as if he knew I couldn't have him in my life any other way. In that moment, I felt the urge to call her and have her come home to meet him. I couldn't keep this secret friendship from her anymore. It felt wrong, as if I were betraying her. It was tearing me up on the inside, keeping secrets from her. Yet, I didn't feel I could give Jasper up by any means.

His chuckle raised me from my thoughts and I looked at him questioningly. I gave him a playful swat on the stomach. "What's so funny, Jazz?"

"Hey, chillax, my little galoot," he teased, pulling my hands around him, effectively dragging me into a hug as he enclosed me in his arms. "I was just thinking how cute you were being. Staring at the picture of your woman like you're the luckiest woman alive. I find it… frankly I'm a little envious."

I hugged him back until the tingling from his touch invaded my senses. I stared at his chest, which was at my eye level, as I felt the sensations from the touch of his body seep into my skin. _What the fuck was that?_

I pulled away from him, giving him a slightly nervous grin. "Uh… let me give you the grand tour. By the way, you didn't exactly dress appropriately for playing in mud, buddy. Not cool..." I said a little sarcastically as I turned down the hall. I showed him each individual room, even our bedroom, and had to make a fool out of myself by patting on the bed and saying "This is where all the magic happens." I think I've watched _Cribs_ one too many times, cause I swear that's a line every celebrity uses when they show off their bedroom. The look on his face showed embarrassment and I quickly took us out of that room while trying to change the subject and remove the foot now stuck in my mouth.

I saved my studio for last. The sweet and dusty smell of unfired pottery filled our noses as we sauntered into the room. The pregnant goddess still perched on her shelf waiting for a permanent home, stood out like a beacon; reminder of Bella even in the midst of all the dirt and unfinished works of art. Jasper walked up to the goddess, his expression one of awe.

"Now this is simply breathtaking," he said softly. "I am always amazed how beautiful a woman becomes while pregnant....I bet you can't wait, huh Sugar?"

Jasper seemed to be sincerely interested in my answer. "I can't wait to have a child and experience it all. The miracle of it, but mostly I can't wait to meet my child; see what they will look like. What they will enjoy? Who will they become? It's prolly silly huh?" As I continued my rant Jasper just looked at me with this knowing look in those amazing eyes of his. It seemed as if we had been standing there for hours before I turned around and brought out the clay and we got started.

"Do you want to hand build, or go straight to the pottery wheel?" I asked as I lifted a heavy bag of white clay onto the wedging table, cutting off a small block to work with.

"I would love to try the wheel," his voice sounded increasingly excited and a large smile graced his lips. "I haven't used the wheel since high school, but I know I loved it."

"Ok, I'll wedge this clay while you put on this apron," I threw an apron to him, hitting him directly in the face making me giggle to his mock shock reaction.

My mouth dropped when I looked up to find him taking off his shirt and replacing it with the apron. He shrugged when he saw my reaction. "I don't want to get my shirt dirty," he said with a smirk.

His attention was focused on tying the apron behind his back as I ran my eyes over every muscle, his six pack now covered by a thin stretch of material. I may be taken, but I'm not dead! I'm human after all and that chest was sheer perfection.

I smacked the clay into a round ball, wet the bat on the wheel slightly and slammed the clay into the center. I motioned for him to sit on the stool in front of the wheel and brought him a bucket of water. He needed a little instruction as his strong arms struggled to center the clay.

"It may help if the wheel goes faster," I offered, smiling at the frustrated look on his face.

"Damn, how is it that it looks so much easier than it really is?" he groaned.

"Want some help?" I asked as I giggled at his defiant tone.

"What, are you going to _Ghost_ me like Patrick Swayze?" he teased, a large smile playing on his lips.

"Um, no. I won't be straddling you from behind, smartass. I was thinking more like this." I stood in front of the wheel and placed my hands on his. I firmly pressed the clay as it slickly flowed through our hands. A moment later, it was fully centered. "See, easy as pie."

"Right, about as easy as this," he said taking his mud covered finger and passing it over my cheek leaving behind a long streak.

I smiled at him and rolled my eyes. He redirected his attention to the circling clay and continued to make a small cup. He needed no more help, and I wondered to myself if he ever needed my assistance in the first place. We cleaned up the mess and I watched with slight disappointment as he put his shirt back on. I walked him to the door where we stopped and stood in comfortable silence.

"I had a really great time," he said softly as he licked his lips. I reached up and pulled him into a hug. The smooth circles his fingers drew on my lower back felt relaxing and I didn't want the embrace to end. I pushed the thought out of my mind and released him. I said goodbye as he walked out the door. I leaned back against the door after closing it and shut my eyes. I was proud of myself for keeping it to just friends between us. But a part of me wished it didn't have to be that way. A part of me wished I could have just went wild with abandon.

I looked over my muddy face as I stood in the bathroom while the shower warmed. I was a determined woman. Tonight I would show my baby how I felt about her. In the back of my mind I wondered if she was the only person I was trying to prove myself to…

***

BPOV

I lay in Edward's arms after we made love for the first time in his bedroom. His breath was hot against my cheek as I snuggled closer to his warm naked body. I ached, but didn't care...getting there was totally worth it. After eating our cold breakfast, we couldn't keep our hands off each other. I just couldn't get enough of Edward. I had to feel him all over me, inside me and around me. And he was more than happy to oblige.

His stamina amazed me. He was ready for me again within 10 minutes after he orgasmed. He never seem to get enough of me, nor I him.

I grazed my fingers across his moist bare chest, taking inventory of each groove and muscle. He moaned through his sleep filled haze.

"Again?" he asked, his voice cracking from exhaustion.

I let out a breathy laugh. "Not this time. I may be insatiable, but I'm pretty well satisfied right now." I pressed a kiss to his nipple and smiled into his chest.

"I couldn't get enough of you either," he sighed as he pressed a kiss into my hair.

My cell phone chirped into the silent room and I groaned as I moved away from him. Instantly feeling cold from the lack of his body next to mine.

**When will you be home?**

I glanced at Edward to find his eyes closed, a smile still playing on his dozing lips. I typed Alice a reply.

**Later. Why, what's up?**

A moment later her reply rang through.

**I have plans for you tonight. Be home by 6.**

I closed my phone and set it on the nightstand. I had an urge to cry at the thought of leaving Edward. A part of me wished I could sleep with him all night, and wake up with him in the morning. I wanted to kiss his eyelids as he woke in my arms and wake him to the smell of bacon on the stove as I made him breakfast before he went to work. This may have started as something I assumed to be purely physical, but the more I was with him the more I knew I was wrong.

I glanced at the clock before climbing into the bed and snuggling back into his nook, that empty space between his shoulder, arm and chest. I had an hour before I needed to be home and there was no way I was going to waste any of that time.

When it came for me to leave, I slipped out of his arms softly trying not to wake him. Put my clothes back on and brushed my hair back into a ponytail. I sat on the bed next to him and kissed on his face until his eyes fluttered open.

"I have to go," I whispered into his mouth. I wasn't even gone yet, but I felt the loss of him next to me, and it was seemingly unbearable.

He groaned in disapproval. "Je suis impatient de t'avoir rien qu'à moi et de ne jamais te rendre."

"Are you going to tell me what any of that means?" having no clue what he had said but knowing that everytime he spoke a lick of French, I was putty in his hands.

"You will just have to wait til next weekend to find out, love," he whispered before I pressed my mouth onto his. His tongue massaged my lip and I silently cursed myself for having to leave that behind. I raised my head from him and caressed his face with my hand. He looked back at me with adoration. _I feel it too._

I drove home but my mind was elsewhere. I felt like I left my heart somewhere else, and I was driving on a pillow as I floated down the street. My phone rang a familiar ringtone, startling me from my blissful thoughts. It was Edward.

"Miss me already?" I smiled into the phone and felt my face flush. "Some might call you clingy," I teased.

"_Call me clingy all you want, I was half asleep when you left_," his voice was low and smooth. "_If I had been__ in my __ right mind, I would have never__ have__ let you leave. Or at the very least __I would have given __ you a proper goodbye._"

I laughed shyly, my smile so big my cheeks hurt. I was close to home and didn't want to hang up, so I pulled over to a side street with little to no traffic.

"You wouldn't let me leave, huh?" I put the car in park and turned off the motor. "So....what is your definition of a proper goodbye?" I knew I was egging him on, and didn't give a rat's ass, I fucking loved it.

He breathed a heavy sign into the receiver, I could hear him repositioning himself. "_I would ask you what your wearing, but I already know. So lets pretend, if you were here with me Bella, what would you be wearing?_" I couldn't hold back my giggle at how cliche that question was, and wondering for a moment if I could survive a session of phone sex with Edward Cullen.

"Nothing," I said in the sexiest voice I could manage. "All night long. Tell me Dr. Cullen, What are _**you **_wearing?"

"_Mmmm, I like the sound of that_," he growled, my sore clit twitched at the sound of his voice. It was pure sex. "_I'm wearing you Bella. Your smell is all over me. And I get hard at every inhale I take. And the sad thing is, I don't think I'll ever shower again._"

I let out a feminine sigh as I felt my panties drench from his words. "Fuck, Edward." _Did he have any idea how crazy he was driving me?_ "I promise you, you can shower and the next time I see you, which will be _very _soon, I will rub myself over every inch of your body. My scent will saturate you so thoroughly, a weeks worth of showers won't wash it away."

A hiss rang through the phone, telling me he was just as into this as I was. "_Damn Bella, where are you? Can you touch yourself for me?_"

"I'm parked on the side of the road. But no one is around." I slipped my free hand down the front of my pants and moaned as I made contact with my clit. "Mmmm, Edward." I moaned.

"_Are you touching yourself, Bella?_" his voice was filled with desire, and I fucking loved the sound of it.

"Mhmmm," I moaned, making sure he could hear my speeding breaths.

"_Fuck, Bella. I want you to rub your clit for me. Close your eyes and imagine its me_." I followed his orders, closing my eyes and pressed my fingers harder on my clit feeling the familiar tingle of an imminent climax. I drew a breath threw my teeth as. "_Yes, let me hear you cum. Nothing compares to the sounds you make when you cum. You are so fucking sexy when you come. Je me caresse la queue pour toi... jouis pour moi bébé_._"_

"Oh... God... Edward..." Cumming with his voice in my ear urging me on was beyond erotic. I threw my head back as I felt my insides quiver with delight.

"_Good girl. Next time I see you, I swear to god you better be ready_," his voice was horse and so damn sexy. "_Cause I'm going to fuck you so hard the very smell of me will drive you into an orgasmic state_."

"Too late for that," I cooed. "Go shower, and think of me while you touch yourself. I'll talk to you soon."

"_Not soon enough, love....Not soon enough_," he sighed as he hung up his phone.

I checked myself in the mirror before starting the car and continuing my drive home. I walked into our house and the smell of roses instantly drowned my senses. The lights were all off and candles lit the walkway, there must have been dozens of candles. I followed the flickering amber lights to our bedroom where I found a trail of rose petals leading from our bed to the bathroom. I followed the trail and found a bath drawn with rose petals floating on top of the water.

"I drew a bath for you," Alice's voice came from behind me. Quiet and seductive, I felt her hands lightly run down my back, finding purchase on the hem of my shirt and slowly lifted it up. I raised my arms over my head, hesitantly at first, as she pulled the shirt off of me. I had to fight to keep my hands from covering myself from her view. This didn't feel right to me. I didn't want to do this with her. She turned me around and sifted her fingers through my hair while placing feather light kisses along my jaw. Slowly she lowered her hand to my pants and took them off me along with my panties.

"Get in, I want to pamper you," she whispered into my ear, her breath causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand up.

I shyly dipped my body into the water as my sore muscles sighed in relaxation when the warmth flowed over them. I shut my eyes and leaned against the back of the tub. I shivered when I felt a soapy washcloth rush over my body as she washed away, unknowingly, the traces of Edward from my body. She washed my top half first, then headed down toward the juncture between my thighs. I squeezed my legs closed, alerting her not to go there, hoping she wouldn't notice. She continued down my legs and pulled my feet out of the water, massaging them as she washed them.

When she was done, she stood up and I lifted my hooded eyes to hers. The water bringing sleep dangerously close to claiming me.

"I'll go get you a towel," she whispered, not wanting to speak any louder through the calm atmosphere she created. In a moment she returned with a towel and wrapped it around me as I stood. It was warm, fresh out of the dryer. And oh god the warmth felt so incredibly good.

"I laid out a robe for you. Put it on and meet me at the table." Her voice was smooth and relaxed. I knew this was part of her apology to me. She was making up for kissing another woman. She felt my distance lately, but I felt it coming from her side as well.

I put on a bra and underwear before I wrapped the red silk robe around me and tied the sash around my waist. I met her in the kitchen to find a candle lit dinner waiting for me. Red wine was poured and the plates were already served. I sat down as she pulled a seat out for me. She placed a tender kiss to my neck as she pushed the chair in under me. This was utterly romantic, she had gone to alot of trouble for tonight - to make this evening special.

But did I still have any romantic feelings for her? I questioned myself as we ate dinner in silence. I finished the meal and looked at Alice. She smiled at me and blew me a kiss. Inside, I felt guilt. But who was the guilt for?

A part of me realized, at that moment, the guilt I felt was because I felt like I was betraying Edward!

"What is this all about?" I asked quietly, motioning to all the candles and flower petals.

Her smile fell to a frown as she looked at me with sad eyes. "I wanted to treat you as my girlfriend, my life partner, should be treated." The words made my stomach tremble.

I got up and turned on the light, feeling the need to see her face clearly instead of through the glow of candles. I walked past her studio and noticed a dried on clay handprint on the handle. As though someone was covered in clay when they reached for the handle. The handprint was large, much too big to belong to Alice.

I turned to her and noticed her gaze on the handprint; her eyes looked at me in regret.

"Who was here today?" I asked, my words coming out no louder than a whisper.

She rose from her seat and walked up to me, coming within inches of my face. Her breath was coming fast and hard. I could see her pulse throbbing in her throat from her heart beating so hard. What was she hiding? Or I should say, who?

She muttered one word. And it was one word that set our future in stone.

"Jasper."

"I'm leaving," I breathed. "Thank you for this. But I can't be here right now."

"Where are you going?" she seethed, her hesitancy changing to anger and coming out in waves. "Let me guess. Edward's!" she said through clenched teeth.

I turned away from her and walked to our bedroom, feeling her on my heels.

"Why is it you're over there all the time nowadays?" I pulled on my jeans, then my shirt, ignoring her questions and only succeeding in making her angrier. "What do you do over there? Bake cookies? Knit scarves?"

I turned to her and looked her deep in the eyes before answering her in a malicious tone. "None of your business."

I turned and ran out the door, leaving a fuming Alice pacing our bedroom. I called Edward and told him to meet me elsewhere, in case she chose to follow me to his house.

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AN: Next chapter~ E/B's weekend away! And you know what inspires me to write extra E/B goodness? Reviews! Also, reviews get you an exclusive teaser different from the Twilighted forum (which you should visit and say hi, link is in my profile.)

Another fic with baby making as a subject you should totally read is '**Come A Little Closer Baby**' by tingermegan68!

Translations:

_Je suis impatient de t'avoir rien qu'à moi et de ne jamais te rendre. _: I can't wait to have you all to myself and never have to give you back.

_Je me caresse la queue pour toi... jouis pour moi bébé _: I'm rubbing my cock for you... come for me baby


	10. Pearly Gates

**AN: Charmie, thank you for putting up with my shit! And telling me the truth even if I get pissed about it. Yeah I'm a chick, sorry xoxo  
**

**Bellamadonna: Thank you for getting to this chapter so quickly, your fucking awesome.**

**Tinkermegan68: No one puts baby in the corner. kthxbai  
**

**I don't own these characters, but I love making them do dirty things. **

**Read AN at the end... trust me you want to read the whole note.  
**

**Are you reading _Angel Eyes_ by RaeCullen? You should be!  
**

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BPOV

The moment I left a seething Alice pacing what once was our place of joy but had since turned into a bit of a prison, I called Edward and told him to meet me at the 24 hour diner across town. He was reluctant at first, not really understanding why I needed to talk to him so urgently. But his fears were quelled the moment I wrapped my arms around him and just hugged him as if I could never him go. We took a seat in the far corner of the restaurant even though there was plenty of room to spread out; I leaned across the table, pushing my face near his and reveling in the closeness.

We ordered coffee and sat in relative silence as we doctored up our brews. I blew across the top of my steaming cup and noticed Edward's eyes trained on me, his mouth turned into a smile.

"What?" I said softly, wondering why he was looking at me so intently.

He breathed out a small chuckle and shook his head. "You amuse me," his gaze was intense and shone with adoration. "You literally just left my house, and here we are again," he leaned in close to me like he was about to tell me a secret. "I'm on to you."

"Really?" I mused, raising an eyebrow in inquiry.

"You can't get enough of me," he said with a nod.

"That's beside the point," I flashed a shy smile, flirting back with him. "If I just wanted to see you, I would have gone to your house and ravished your hot ass there," I met his flirting and raised the stakes a bit. "I had a real reason for calling you here, though."

"Ok," he said, crossing his arms across his chest therapist style. "What's up?"

I sighed deeply and sipped on my coffee. "Well, when I got home Alice cooked me dinner," I didn't think telling him the whole rose petal bath would be appropriate. "And well, I saw a huge clay print on the handle to her studio and I asked her who it belonged to. She said Jasper, and that's when I bailed."

"Wait, so you're upset at her?" he asked, his eyebrows coming together in confusion.

"Yes!" I said a little louder than I expected. "She got mad at me about reading an email from this guy, and then he is in our house when I'm gone?"

"Let me get this straight, Bella," he said with a serious undertone. "Alice had someone over, to her studio, and obviously they were working in clay. Which makes sense, by the way, she is an artist," he ran his fingers through his hair as his eyes strayed from mine, lost in thought. "And you are upset at her? Do you have any idea how that sounds?"

"What do you mean?" I said defensively.

"Bella, honey," he said softly as he reached for my hand. "You do realize you are upset at her for something that, frankly, sounds rather innocent to me," his fingers ran smooth lines across my palm. He reached up and stroked my cheek with pad of his thumb as he lowered his voice to a whisper. "But I think this is your guilty conscious playing tricks on you."

"What do you mean?" I asked as the saliva left my mouth in a fight and flight response, and I pulled my hand from his in a swift motion.

"Baby, don't get mad at me," he cooed, reaching for my hand but not catching it in time before I moved both hands to my lap. "Bella, come on now. Don't you see what your doing?"

"No, I don't," I said with finality. "Why don't you enlighten me."

"You're the one cheating. Not Alice."

The words rang in my head like a clock tower bell. Words I had yet to say to myself, though I knew them in my heart. The only problem was, I didn't know how to fix this. I couldn't leave Edward. Point blank, I couldn't be without him. I ached for him when he was away. I ached in a way I never felt for Alice. But it didn't make this right. What I was doing to Alice, I knew was wrong. She felt me pulling away from her lately, this was painfully obvious. I was causing her pain in a way no partner should cause pain.

Tears pricked my eyes as the guilt began to strangle my senses. Guilt for betraying Alice, and guilt for not being able to give Edward all he deserved.

His warm body scooting into the booth next to me lifted me from my thoughts, his natural dark scent soothed my heart in a gentle wave. He wrapped his arms around me and whispered words of apology and encouragement into my ear. He nuzzled my neck with his nose and peppered light kisses across my jaw.

"I know it's not easy to hear, honey, I know," he whispered as he drew me into his embrace. "It just happens to be the circumstances that brought us together. I'm not exactly a guiltless party here," he said with a sigh, he felt guilt too. "But I'm a selfish man, who wouldn't have changed a thing," he kissed the top of my head and hugged me tighter. "Not one thing."

"Not even when you fucked Angela right in front of me?" I said as I tried to lighten the mood. The last thing I came here for was to make Edward sad.

He raised his head and cocked an eyebrow at me. "Nice, Bella," he said with a head shake. "If you're trying to cheer me up, bringing up something as fucked up as that night is not going to do the job."

I palmed his face with both my hands and nuzzled my nose to his before placing a sweet kiss on the tip. "If I told you I came into the room that night to tell you I liked you, would that cheer you up?"

"Um, no Bella. Because you left in a fit of tears and stopped talking to me for at least a month," he said in a flat voice.

"Well shit, I'm just fucking everything up tonight," I whispered to myself. "I honestly don't know what's wrong with me. I feel more confused by the day," I admitted to myself and him at the same time. "But one thing I'm not confused about is the way I feel when I'm with you."

A smile returned to his face as the words registered in his mind. "You, Bella, are the sweetest woman I know," he said against my lips as he kissed me tenderly.

I closed my eyes and sighed lightly against his mouth. His breath tickled my nose making me smile against his lips. I pulled my head away, he opened his eyes and met my gaze.

"I better get back home and do damage control," I said softly, the words leaving my mouth and causing a tightness in my chest that I could only describe as separation anxiety.

Great, I'm a fucking two year old with separation anxiety! Yeah, I best keep that observation to myself.

He nodded his head, silently agreeing with me. He placed a five dollar bill on the table as he stood up, grabbed my hand and pulled me behind him. We sauntered to the exit, me trailing behind him and thoroughly enjoying the view afforded by his perfect ass.

As we got to the front door, I raised my head and casually looked to my left. I was surprised to find a man staring at me. Normally I wouldn't care if a good- looking man with gorgeous wavy blond hair was blatantly staring at me. In fact, I normally would take it as a compliment. But the way he continued to watch me, even as I noticed he was staring, just didn't seem right. And the look on his face was not one of appreciation. It was something else, something else entirely. If I were to try to judge, I would say it was a look of confusion. I smiled at him and quickly shook off the odd vibe I felt coming from him and exited after Edward.

He walked me to my car and held to door open for me as I slipped inside, which, well, was pretty fucking sweet. I waved goodbye as I pulled out of the parking lot. I was a woman on a mission to try to smooth things over with Alice. Well, at least make it so she wasn't quite as angry as before. Instead of walking in the house empty handed, I hurried through the market and picked up some mint chocolate chip ice cream, her favorite.

I felt the tension in the house before I even saw her which made my heart beat faster in dread for the altercation that was sure to come. I quietly walked into the kitchen, trying to dodge Alice's radar as I dished up two heaping bowls of ice cream and doused them with loads of whipped cream. I carried the bowls through the house while I searched for her. First I checked our bedroom, which was empty. The rose petals were gone and the bed was turned down on her side, but she wasn't in it. I padded down the hall to the living room and found her on the couch, looking incredibly pissed as she read a book.

"I was wondering if I was going to see you," she seethed keeping her eyes on her book. "Where the fuck did you go?"

"I got you ice cream," I said quietly, purposely avoiding her question. "Eat with me and we can talk?"

She placed her bookmark in her spot before closing the book and dropping her hands to her lap. Her eyes met mine and what I saw broke my heart. She had been crying. As much as I wanted to be with Edward, I was killing her in the process. And it was beyond selfish for me to keep doing this to her. My hands were tied and there was no breaking it. No matter what I did, someone would be left with a broken heart. And I couldn't be sure if that person was going to be me or one of the two most important people in my life.

"Alice, I'm sorry," my voice split the silence. "I jumped to conclusions, and that was…well…pretty fucking stupid."

"Have I ever given you a reason to question my loyalty, Bella?" her voice still upset, but I could tell she was slowly calming down.

"No," I said sheepishly.

She gave a forced smile as she reached for the bowl I was holding out for her. We sat in silence, with just the sound of metal spoons clanking the ceramic bowls. A beep from Alice's phone startled me and I jumped slightly.

She picked up the phone and clicked through the text message. Her eyes met mine briefly a moment before she closed the phone and handed it to me.

"Just so there's no secret," she said softly. "That was Jasper. And he is a friend of mine. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," she motioned to her phone. "Look at the text, if you want to know what he said."

I shook my head no and gave her back her phone. "I trust you," I whispered. I trusted her, but not myself. I needed to tell her, but a part of me was too fucking scared of losing her friendship, her love that she gave to me so freely all those years ago. But what friendship would we even have without trust, there is no way she will trust me after this.

"He asked me if you were home," she began, a defeated tone in her voice. "I'm not even going to bother answering right now."

"Why would he ask if I'm home?" I asked out of curiosity. That seemed like an odd thing to ask.

She shrugged her shoulders and set her empty bowl on the coffee table. "I'm tired," she said looking defeated. "The night has been emotionally tiring." She stood up and walked in front of me, placing a hand on my shoulder before leaning down to kiss my cheek. "I forgive you. Before you were my lover, you were my friend. Don't ever forget that."

I watched her retreat to our bedroom and heard the door close before taking the bowls and loading them in the dishwasher. Her words lingered in my head, but a part of me was scared of the meaning. I rested my head on the couch and watched late night TV as I drifted off to sleep. That was the first night I had slept in our house away from Alice.

The week went by slowly. I spent my days in the office, balancing accounts and doing a stellar job as an accountant should. I didn't get to see Edward as much as I wanted. Lunch on Tuesday and Thursday was about all I saw of him, Alice would show up unannounced other days putting a kink in any plans to see Edward. Which was odd, she never did that kind of thing. Especially so often. Evenings were lonely and quiet. The strain in our relationship was evident by the nights on the couch, and the lack of joint meals.

Friday was a relief; I had the entire weekend to look forward to being with Edward… Alone.

I packed shorts, swimsuit, pants, sweaters, shirts, you name it. Alice believed us to be going hiking and camping, so I was sure to pack the tent in my trunk before heading out. I got in the car ready for my weekend, put the keys in the ignition and was about to back out when Alice popped out the door holding my sleeping bag.

"Don't you need this?" she asked as she waved it in the air holding on to just the strings that held the bag together.

"Um yeah," I said as I reached out the window grabbing the said bag. She waved me goodbye as I backed out the driveway.

After driving to Edward's, I turned the driver's seat over to him since this whole weekend was a complete mystery to me So I just sat back and relaxed. Ready for a weekend of no drama, no tears, and no regrets. I promised myself, after this weekend, I would fix things. I was going to tell Alice about Edward and me and accept any and all consequences.

It didn't take me long to recognize where we were headed - up the coast. We lived so close to the beach, but didn't often take the time to go there so I was excited at the prospect.

The drive was comfortable and I welcomed the quiet peacefulness with open arms. I rested my hand on Edward's thigh most the ride, paying extra attention to not going up too high. It had been a week since we were last intimate, and I knew we were both looking forward to being together again. We reached the city of Seaside after an hour-long drive and we steadily passed motel after motel. Just when I thought maybe he was finally going to stop, he just kept driving. Soon, we had traveled outside of the populated portions of town. Gift shops and candy stores gave way to tall pine trees and greenery.

I thought for sure we must be driving to the next coastal town as we drove south down the coastline when he suddenly slowed and turned down a small gravel road barely visible from the highway. The drive was steep and bumpy; my curious eyes raked the landscape and questioned Edward with a curious glance, earning only a slight chuckle.

After what seemed like forever, I saw it. A small log cabin nestled between luscious trees. Ivy cascaded down one of the outside walls giving it a rustic appeal. He parked the car in front and came round to my door to open it before I could reach the handle.

I yipped in surprise when he swooped me into a bear hug, effectively sweeping me off my feet. I threw my head back in laughter as I wrapped my legs around him. He growled as he roughly attached his mouth to mine, his tongue seeking my flavor. Our desire for one another was animalistic and frenzied as I clawed at the back of shirt and hastily threw it over his head.

I was shaking with anticipation by the time he opened the door, walked through, and then kicked it closed behind us. His shirtless body turned and pressed me against the door, his hands still holding my thighs, his hard erection burning against my heated core.

"Fuck, Bella," he hissed as he ripped my shirt over my head and removed my bra with one nimble move. "A week is too fucking long." I whimpered with lust as he brushed his teeth along my nipple. Our breathing was heavy, panting with need. "There's not going to be anything gentle about this."

I moaned at his words, feeling my pussy catch fire with desire. The need to have him inside me was beyond intense and these fucking clothes were in the way!

I pushed him off me as I dropped my feet to the floor. I gave him the most seductive look I could manage as I violently kicked off the rest of my clothing. He gave me a knowing smirk as he dropped his pants and greedily raked his eyes along my naked form. I moaned in approval as he pressed up against me and propped my legs around his waist and swiftly impaled me with his hard cock. His thrusts came hard and deep, filling me to the hilt. The texture of the wooden door behind me pressed into my back, most likely leaving marks, but I didn't care. All I cared about at this moment was Edward inside me.

"Fuck!" he groaned as his thrusts became so rough it almost hurt. But hell if I cared. I clawed at his back and whimpered as I felt my orgasm build. The sensation of the impending climax was electric, taking with it all ability to form coherent thought. I cried out as my body trembled with my orgasm. With two final thrusts he whispered in my ear as he came with abandon, "J'adore te voir jouir pour moi."

We slowly dropped to the floor, our strength drained from the forceful fucking. He smiled into my neck and whispered something I couldn't quite hear, but didn't really care about at this moment. A couple minutes later, he picked me up and delicately laid me on the bed.

"You stay here, and don't you dare get dressed," he warned. "I'm not even close to being done with you."

I smiled in response as I watched his sweet ass throw on his pants and disappear outside to get our bags. When he returned, I watched him pull several candles from his bag and light each one, placing them in multiple places around the room and illuminating the cabin in a warming glow. He undressed again, turning to lay next to me and looked at me nose to nose.

"I get to sleep with you," he whispered, his sweet breath washed over me and was heavenly.

"I know," I whispered and dipped in for a kiss.

He wrapped his arm around me and pressed the entire length of his body to mine. I hitched a leg over his and pulled him closer, feeling him harden against me. We made love so many times over the course of the night that it all morphed into one long erotic session peppered with an exhaustive break here and there. I was saddened when I became so sore that we had to take a break to give me time to recoup.

We slept in each others arms for the first time, sleeping well into the afternoon. Our sleep fueled by the intensity of just being together at night. We woke shortly past noon and left our little nest for a surprise he had planned.

We picked up chipotle burritos on the way before stopping in front of a dock along the waters edge. I groaned at the sight of a group of people boarding a large boat. That's when I knew he was going to make me go on that thing.

"All aboard!" he said with a grin as he leaned over and kissed my neck. I had enjoyed so much with this man in the last twelve hours, but his kiss still sent shivers down my spine.

"You can't be serious," I questioned as I pointed toward the boat. "Haven't you ever seen _Deep Water_ or _T__he Perfect Storm_? Both based on true stories by the way, and neither had happy endings."

"One, you _are_ going," he laughed as he tugged me toward the dock. "And two, it's a perfect day for whale watching."

"Whale watching?" I said with a groan. "I watch animal planet, I'm good mkay?"

"Come on, my little scaredy cat," he teased while he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me tight against him. "It'll be fun."

I groaned in defeat and boarded the boat along with eight other people. Most of them appeared to be couples, including a grey haired couple that looked old enough to be grandparents and turned and smiled at us. The boat rocked with the waves as it left the dock, taking my stomach with it every time it took a bounce.

"I think I'm getting seasick," I groaned, clutching my stomach in hopes of settling it.

"Here," Edward said as he guided me to sit next to him. "Put your head between your legs and breath deep."

I stayed like this until the boat finally stopped moving. The gentle waves of the calm ocean showed mercy on my quivering stomach. We walked to the edge of the deck and watched for some time for some sort of life. A couple sea lions later, we headed back to shore as I resumed my head between legs position.

"Thank god," I said dramatically as we stepped off the boat. "Dry land!"

He cuddled up to me again and led me to the car. He drove us to the beach were we walked hand in hand, romantic-movie style, along the shore. I now knew why movies used this as a romantic gesture.

We showered together at the cabin and dressed for dinner. He took me to Kyllo's, a restaurant stilted above the beach overlooking the ocean. He ordered us lobster and steak and indulged himself by hand-feeding me piece by lovely piece.

He pulled off a chunk of lobster and dunked it in the melted butter, slowly placed it in my mouth. I closed my lips quickly on his fingers and sucked the butter off. A small drip of butter trailed down my chin and I raised my napkin to wipe it off. He stopped my hand and licked his lips.

"Wait, let me get it," he said in a sultry voice. Dipping his head closer and licked up my chin. I moaned at the sensation and felt the wetness seep onto my panties. "I wanted to feed you dessert, but fuck it! If we stay any longer, I'll have to take you right here on this table. But that's not in my plans," he moved his mouth directly above my ear causing me to shiver at the lust in his voice. "Let's get out of here so I can make love to you properly."

No need to tell me twice, I was up and ready to go in a heartbeat. He grabbed my hand as he hastily paid for dinner and practically sprinted to the car. He kept a possessive hand on my leg the entire drive, randomly squeezing along the way.

Once back in the cabin, he stared at me for a moment. His face was so expressive, the adoration in his eyes shone like a ray of sunshine. It was exquisite to be looked at like that.

He slowly undressed, taking his time until I was completely nude before he gently laid me on the bed. He undressed with less grace and lay down next to me. I rolled to my side and faced him while his hand lightly grazed down my body, ending at my hip. He placed a closed mouth kiss on my lips and stared in my eyes.

"I'm going to make love to you tonight," he whispered against my lips. "And then we are going to sleep because I'm waking you up before dawn."

Too lost in his aura to even begin to register his words, I opened my mouth and lazily sought after his tongue with mine. We kissed passionately for some time; our hands patrolled each others body, enjoying the feel of each other. When the ache between my legs became too great, I reached down to his erection and tugged on it. He moaned into my mouth as I smoothed my hands up and down the length of him.

"I want to be inside you so bad it aches," he breathed between kisses. He took the words right out of my mouth. "Get on top of me."

Beyond eager, I slung my leg over him and sat up, straddling him. I looked at him confused when he shook his head no and pulled me to him.

"Lay on top of me with your back against my chest," he breathed. God he was sexy when he was so turned on by me he could barely speak. I followed his lead and turned over laying my head back on his shoulder, his breath tickling my ear. He reached down and spread my legs slightly and lined his cock up to my entrance. The intimacy of this position was erotic, to say the least.

He guided himself inside me then guided my hips in a rocking motion against him. This position allowed his hard length to rub, repeatedly, against that most sensitive spot inside me. The orgasm I experienced was the most intense yet, and I could have sworn I saw fireworks. This pose was relaxing and tender, he rained kisses along my neck and whispered sweet words in my ear and he slid in and out of me. His breathing hitched when I reached down to rub on my clit, eliciting gasps of pleasure from both our mouths. We came in unison with heavy grunts before I rolled off him and cuddled into his side and promptly fell fast asleep.

"Bella," he cooed into my ear, awakening me from a hard sleep. "Bella, love, its time to get up."

I groaned in defiance and pulled my pillow over my head. "Just five more minutes."

"We don't have time to waste," he was far to chipper this morning to have spent so much energy on sex this past weekend.

I groaned the entire time I dressed, but did it anyway. He led us out the door, flashlight and blanket in hand. The air was cool and misty, and the sun had yet to rise. He led me behind the cabin and up a slight incline. It was still pretty dark, so I clung to him and let him lead the way. When we came to a stop, he spread the blanket on the ground and ushered me to sit next to him.

I could hear the ocean loudly, like I was right next to it. The waves crashed to the shore in a wonderful melody of crash and retreat. It wasn't long before the sun started coming up, peaking at us over the horizon and shining light onto the beautiful hidden cove we were perched above. The sight was breathtaking, utterly gorgeous.

"I wanted to bring you here and watch the sun rise," he said softly as he pulled me to sit in front of him, pulling me to rest against his chest and wrapping his arms around me.

"It's beautiful, Edward," I said with awe in my voice. "Thank you for this weekend. I couldn't have asked for anything better." I turned my head to him and kissed his lips. I had never felt so close to him as I did at this very moment.

"You are the light of my day, the stars of my night, Bella," he whispered in my ear. "I can't even find words to tell you how happy you make me."

I felt the same way. I was happy in the little bubble we had created during this weekend. We watched the saltwater crash against the sand until our stomachs growled in protest and we knew it was time to head back home. As we packed our things in the car, I was lost in thought. We had become impossibly closer, and I would have done anything to keep it that way. My mind was made up, and I knew what I had to do. It was my time to 'shit or get off the pot'.

* * *

**AN:Translation confirmed by a french speaking resident from France. (thank you Oo Livia Cullen oO)**

**"J'adore te voir jouir pour moi" - I love to watch you come for me**

**The title to this chapter is named after the incredibly hot sexual position found in this chapter. For a visual, google _"pearly gates sexual position_"**

**How was that? A little fluff since several of our favorite authors are drowning us in angst lately. Next chapter we will find out what Alice was up to while Bella was gone. Think she talked with Jasper? Want some Jasper POV? Let me know in your review. Otherwise it will just be A/B POV next chappie. **

**Review for a teaser, and I hope to get it out to you quicker this time. Show me some love! xoxo**

**I will leave you with this to ponder. Ever heard the statement "_the calm before the storm_". I have. That is all.**


	11. All Over Me

_**AN: Sorry for the delay in posting this. I know a lot of you have heard my sob story, started nursing school and I'll be damned if they didn't give us tons of work from the get go! No monkey business here! Anyways, I hope it was worth the wait! **_

_**MASSIVE thank you to BellaMadonna, beta extraordinaire. For listening to my rants and worries. You're the best!**_

_**HUGE Thank you to mcc101180! You took me under your wing and I'm thrilled to have you as a beta, truly honored! Thank you! xoxo**_

_**Charmie~ I'm happy you're feeling better. I wish you luck with everything. **_

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_Lindsey Harper~ All Over Me_

_In the space between what's wrong and right,  
You will find me waiting for you.  
All your fortresses go down in the night.  
To the dawn I'll see you through._

_'Cause I know, that you know,  
You're all over me now.  
And it's clear, it will show,  
Your curtains will close.  
But if your heart is cold, my sheets are warm.  
I will shelter you through the storm.  
I will shelter you all through the storm._

_The answers aren't so easy to find,  
The questions will have to do.  
'Cause I've lost myself deep in your life,  
My only fix is you._

_'Cause I know, that you know,  
You're all over me now.  
And it's clear, it will show,  
Your curtains will close.  
But if your heart is cold, my sheets are warm.  
I will shelter you through the storm.  
I will shelter you all through the storm._

_Saying what I am, what we are,  
It's a start towards the truth.  
Taking my breath with each day,  
All I can stand in my heart it's you._

_In the space between what's wrong and right,  
You will find me waiting for you…_

APOV

I was pissed. Fuming mad, in fact! I spent the evening expressing my love to her, only to get reamed and have her walk out on me. And where did she fucking go? Edward's no doubt. I was honest with her; it was Jasper that had come to our house. But for her to give me no chance to explain why he was here, that was bullshit.

She walked out the door as I paced around our house, trying to calm myself. But it was no use, the second she walked out, I screamed at the top of my lungs in frustration. I screamed until my throat hurt and my anger turned to tears. We had gone from a loving relationship to being ghosts in our own home. The light in her eyes was gone. It didn't get past me that she didn't allow me to touch her when I bathed her. She clamped her legs shut as I passed the washcloth over her groin. She flinched when I neared her breasts, and her mouth trembled. I don't think she even realized her reaction to me.

As I undressed her, her hands seemed to want to hide herself up from me. Years of caressing and tender love making, and she had never covered up from me. I knew something was going on.

The sobs came in waves. I was finally somewhat calm and waiting for her in the dark of our living room when I heard her pull up. I quickly turned on a lamp and grabbed a book to look like I was reading as I heard her walking to the door. She went straight to the kitchen, doing god knows what. A couple of minutes later, she stood in front of me offering me ice cream.

The talk was short and to the point. The only problem was Jasper chose that very moment to text me, asking me if Bella was home. Then after our brief talk and an even briefer kiss on the cheek, I went to bed and slept alone, for the first time ever while in the house together. I woke in the morning and she had already gone for work. No goodbye, nothing.

I checked my phone to find two missed calls from Jasper and another text message.

**Call me. It's important. –Jas**

I rolled over and groaned as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I brought up his name on my contacts and pressed send.

"Alice," his voice was low and blunt.

"Hi, Jasper," I said lowly and almost in an irritated tone. "You said to call you, and it's important," I sighed into the phone, I felt bad but I wasn't in a good mood right now as was. "What'd you need?"

"_I think I saw Bella last night,"_ he said matter-of-factly.

"So?" I said with confusion in my voice.

"_So I thought you would want to know—"_

"Listen, we had a fight last night and she took off," I cut him off trying to close up this conversation quickly. "She was gone a while, most likely with her friend Edward."

"_So you knew she was with a man?"_

"Jasper, I'm sorry but I don't know why you feel the need to tell me shit I already know." I was getting short with him. "Her best friend is a man, and after we argued she met up with him."

"_That's interesting,"_ his said hesitantly. _"They seemed a bit friendlier than best friends would be."_

"What do you mean?" I asked, feeling more confused than anything else.

"_They were holding hands, and I'm pretty sure I saw them kiss,"_ his voice trailed off.

"Ok, let me get this straight," I said coolly, my hands starting to tremble. "You think you saw_ my_ girlfriend last night with a man whom she kissed?" I squeezed my eyes shut in frustration. "And you've seen her picture one time, Jasper. One time," I paused a moment trying to get a handle on my voice, which was getting louder by the second. "How the hell do you expect me to believe you actually saw her?"

"_I may have seen her one time in a photograph, Alice,"_ his voice sounding incredibly sincere. _"But I have a pretty damn good memory for faces. This. Was. Your. Girl."_

"You know what?" I seethed. "You have one reason, and one reason alone to tell me something like this," my anger was rising with every breath. "To break us up. You've wanted in my pants since the moment you saw me. Fuck this Jasper." I slammed my phone shut and threw it across the room not quite hard enough to break it.

I shut my eyes and took deep calming breaths as my heart rate continued to spike. My eyes filled with tears and my head swam with confusion. What the hell was he trying to do? My thoughts of Bella's behavior in recent weeks ran in a stream through my mind. She wouldn't do that to me… would she?

My body groaned in protest as I dragged myself from the bed and into a steaming hot shower. The whole morning I tried in vain to keep my mind from the conversation with Jasper. Something inside me told me to visit her, keep tabs on her behavior. So I went to surprise her for lunch.

I walked up to her desk as she was typing a text message and waited until she was done to announce my arrival.

"Hey baby," I cooed as she set her phone on the desk.

She whipped her head to meet my eyes, surprise etched across her features. "Ali," she said with a forced smile. "What are you doing here?"

"What, a girl can't come take her _girlfriend_ to lunch?" I questioned as I ran a finger down her sleeve.

Her eyes flickered toward her cell phone as it vibrated with a text message. I smiled at her, expecting her to pick it up and check the message. But she didn't. She just kept her eyes on my face, as if expecting me to say something.

"Um, no of course you can," she said quickly. "Just give me a minute, ok?" she mumbled as she motioned to the door, silently asking me to leave. I stepped out of the office and shut the door, but not the whole way. I could hear her whispering into her phone; sadly I didn't make out any words. One thing was clear, however, she was not speaking to a client.

A moment later her door opened and she stepped out, her face flushed and her eyes watery. I narrowed my eyes at her, trying to read into her appearance.

"What?" she said with hesitation.

"Nothing," I lied as I reached for her hand. "Let's go."

We walked to the deli across the street and ate in near silence. This silence shit was getting old – fast! "How was your day today?" I asked trying to prompt a conversation.

"Fine," she said quietly, her eyes drifted to her drink and stayed there. "Angela's wedding is in two weeks, and it's all she can talk about," her eyes drifted back to mine. They were sad though her lips curved into a smile. "She is pretty head over heels for the man."

"Sounds like it," I said as I lifted an eyebrow at the reverent tone on her voice.

The conversation ended there as we stood and walked back to her office. I said goodbye, placing a soft closed mouth kiss on her lips. I mentally noted the tension on her lips as I pressed mine to hers. She smiled softly as she turned into her building, leaving me more confused than ever.

The more she pulled away from me, the more I realized the past few weeks had been less about me and my admission to the kiss, and more to do with something going on inside Bella. How could I have been so blind? Was Jasper telling me the truth?

"Fuck." I breathed to myself as I walked into our house and slammed the door behind me. I threw my keys on the counter and watched as they slid across the marble and onto the floor, clanking loudly against the tiles. Tears pricked my eyes as the last thread of control slipped from my grasp.

My mind whirred in a flurry of thoughts as events from the past few weeks replayed in my mind. Our sex life was non-existent. Any time I would touch her, her body would tense up, even cringe away. She slept on the couch and would pass it off as an accident; that she fell asleep while reading. I tried to not read anything into her constant text messaging, which was out of the norm for her.

The weight of my world crumbling around me was stifling. I was helpless, and didn't know how to fix this. I lay on our bed and fell into a fitful sleep as tears continued to fall down my cheeks, willing away the fear of betrayal that was slowly making its way into my thoughts.

The week passed uneventfully. I did my best to spend as much time with her as I could. She stayed at home in the evenings, not once asking to go to Edward's. I was starting to second-guess myself. She was taking her OPTs again, and was getting closer to ovulating from what she told me.

The weekend came and Bella was packing for her weekend with Edward. It had been so long since I had seen her so happy. And it wasn't because of me, and that broke my heart. Her smile was heavenly, and her cheeks beamed with the slightest pink as she headed to the car to start her weekend away with Edward. A flicker of dread swept through me as I turned to back into the house. Not sure why I did, but I checked the closet and found her sleeping bag still in the closet. Wouldn't she need it for camping? I grabbed it and ran for the door, the bag hanging from my fingers as I waved her down. Her eyes widened with surprise as she lowered her window to take it from me.

I closed the door behind me and stripped down to my camisole and panties before walking into my studio. I grabbed a large chunk of clay and wedged out the bubbles and then smacked it into a ball; not caring about the mess as I slammed the clay on my wheel and worked it into a large vase the size of my arm. I worked it up so high I couldn't reach the bottom. Once satisfied with the piece, I laughed at myself after seeing how covered in clay I was.

I went into the bathroom and started the shower as I stripped myself of my undergarments. I realized we had no soap in the shower, or in the hall closet. I checked under the sink, just in case a bar of soap made it there, but was shocked by what I found: A brand new, unopened package of OPTs. Bella wasn't using them. She had lied to me.

My heart raced as tears pricked my eyes before breaching my eyelids and falling down my cheeks. I stared at the unopened package for so long the steam filled the room causing my sweat to mix with my tears. Angry tears mixed with the sad ones as I stepped into the shower and roughly soaped my body, in an attempt to wash away the betrayal I felt surround my body.

After the shower, I stepped into a pair of grey sweatpants and a wife beater before turning on the computer. My hands trembled as I clicked the mouse, doing exactly what I knew I shouldn't be doing. I opened Bella's email and scoured it for messages from Edward. Nothing. Not a single message from Edward. Just as I led the pointer to the close button, I swept my eyes over her inbox one more time, and my eyes met an out of the ordinary name. Girly Girl. I clicked on the message and read through it.

_From: Girly Girl  
_

_To: Bella Swan_

_Subject: Hi _

_Can you still feel me?_

_E_

I read the words over and over again. The words meant nothing, but everything at the same time. My mouth went dry and my throat began to swell the more times I read it. I had enough proof in my mind for a confrontation.

I lay in bed but sleep never claimed me, cursed to a night of tossing and turning instead. My stomach grumbled with hunger, but the anxiety I felt overshadowed any need for food. The light of dawn awoke me from what little sleep I had managed to acquire, my head pounded and my throat showed no mercy as it ached from the sobbing that continued in my sleep.

I resisted the urge to call Jasper, not wanting to add to the fight that I knew was brewing. I wanted to discuss things with her while I had a clear conscience. I didn't want to have anything that would give her reason to question me, and throw my accusations back in my face.

She was my heart, my soul, my everything. Was I a mistake to her? If I was right in what my heart was telling me, where did that leave me… us? These weren't the only thoughts running through my head. I was afraid of being right, but most of all… I was terrified of being broken.

***

**BPOV**

My heart was pained as I packed up our suitcases. The weekend was too perfect and peaceful. We were the couple we should have always been while we were here. The words Edward had expressed to me melted my insides and sprung the incessant urge to right my wrong.

I watched him as he zipped up his bag and flung it over his shoulder before walking over to me, a subdued smile gracing his perfect face. I breathed in deep as the tears welled in my eyes and quickly streaked down my face.

"You better finish packing," he said softly as his swept his finger along my cheek, taking a tear with him. "Alice will be expecting you."

My body stiffened to the words, no matter how much my mind knew they were true. "I know," I whispered, closing my eyes and pressed my cheek into his hand. "I don't want to leave."

He set down his bag and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into a tight hug. "I don't either," he whispered into my hair. "I would stay here with you forever if I could." He pulled back and smiled as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. His voice was smooth and calm, though his eyes were gleaming with moisture. "But I do have to work tomorrow."

"Me too," I breathed and snuggled my face in his chest.

He loosened his hold on me and looked me in the eyes. "We'll come back, Bella. I promise." He tapped the end of my nose lightly with his index finger, eliciting a smile from me in return. "I'm pretty certain after last night, that bed will be writing us thank you letters and begging us to come back."

I bit my lip as I remembered our lovemaking from the night before. A stifled moan left my throat as the very thought caused my panties to dampen. His lips curled into a knowing smirk as he reached for his bag and turned toward the door. My mind quickly stopped me from asking for a quickie before we left; there was never anything quick about it when Edward and I had made love.

I breathed in deep, zipped up my bag and followed him to the car. The smile on his face was precious as I tossed my bag in the trunk and twirled around to wrap my arms around his waist. I stood on the tip of my toes and pressed a kiss to his lips.

"Ever heard of road head?" I cooed with a raised eyebrow and an evil grin. I may have lived the last several years as a lesbian, but I was _not_ behind on my sexual terms.

"Indeed," he laughed against my lips before turning to open my door for me, allowing me to get inside.

The drive was calm and quiet; we didn't exchange many words, just loving glances and sideways grins. I kept my hand on his thigh and drew circles with my thumb. Halfway through the drive, I felt compelled to do something to top off the already perfect weekend; to give him another first.

My hand inched up higher on his thigh, slowly making its way to the zipper on his pants. He cleared his throat in an attempt to calm his breathing and gave me a warning stare, but never stopped me. With the button of his pants undone, I slowly pulled the zipper down, his cock responding instantly to the contact.

"Bella—," he breathed with a slight tremble to his voice. Placing a finger on his lips to cut off his speech, I reached inside his pants and into his boxers to wrap my fingers around his rock-hard erection. He adjusted his posture to help me pull his cock from his boxers. I pumped him with my hand, eliciting hisses from his clenched teeth.

"Keep your eyes on the road, baby," I cooed as I dipped my head down and licked just the tip, savoring the taste of his essence that was pooling there.

"Fuck," he hissed while his hands gripped the steering wheel tighter causing his knuckles to whiten.

I smiled against the head of his cock, and opened my mouth to slide it deep inside. Gently I sucked as my tongue swirled along the shaft as I bobbed my head up and down. Reaching down to tenderly caress his balls, I slightly grazed my teeth along the underside of his shaft. His moans egged me on as I hastened my pace and increased the suction on him.

"Oh, god, Bella," he groaned and then sucked in a breath through clenched teeth. "Wrap your free hand around the base," he directed with a shaky voice I immediately complied to his command. "Fuck, yeah, just like that."

My hand pumped along his shaft following the direction of my mouth, while my other hand still fondling his balls. His breathing hitched as his cock hardened even more.

"Fuck Bella, I'm going to cum," he breathed as his throat let out noises of approval.

I sped up my pace and readied myself to swallow what he gave me. He gasped as he exploded in my mouth as I swallowed every drop. I released him with a "pop" and smiled as I looked at the desire in his eyes. I looked around and realized we were pulling up to his driveway. He put the car into park and sat for a moment collecting himself before he could get out.

A tapping on my window brought me from my thoughts. Startled, I whipped my head around to see where the noise had come from. Standing at my window was Alice. Her eyes burned with anger as they drifted from mine down to Edward's lap, where his recently sucked cock still hung out in all its glory. I glanced briefly into Edward's startled eyes before turning back to face Alice.

Oh, damn! The shit was about to hit the fan!

* * *

_**AN: Next chapter is in the works. Trust me, you won't want to miss that one. It'll be a good one, as I'm sure you can imagine! **_

_**Reviews for a teaser, even if it takes a few days to get it to you, I always do! Plus, if you don't tell me what you like or don't like I can't make it better for you :)  
**_

_**I forgot to mention All I Need, EPOV of this story, is on hiatus until this story is complete. Sorry loves, but I have to keep my sanity. He will say his piece, I assure you that ok? xoxo**_

**_Visit my Thread on twilighted for additional teasers than the ones I send out. Link is in my profile. _**


	12. Fight or Flight

**AN: Sorry for the delay, but thank you for being patient. I'm a little scared of posting this chapter, so go easy on me ok?**

**My two loving beta's:**

**LOVE you Bellamadonna! Thank you for everything! xoxo You really added a TON to this chapter, I loved it all btw! (go read her stories, this woman is talented!)  
**

**Mcc101180 (Mel) Thank you so much!! I truly appreciate your advice, all of it! You knew just the direction I needed to go but hadn't, thank you! (She just started a new fic, check hers out!)  
**

**Tiff~ xoxo Thank you for being such a good friend, and wife!**

* * *

BPOV

Scared.

Guilty.

Ashamed.

Terrified.

These words pretty much summed up my emotions the instant I saw the eyes of my betrayed lover through the glass of the car window.

I could do nothing but watch as my eyes pricked with traitor tears as I stared into hers, tears that I didn't deserve to shed. I was the one causing all the heartbreak; I was the cheater in our relationship. I had no room to cry. But that knowledge didn't stop the tears from forming and spilling over my face.

I snapped my eyes back to Edward's as he fumbled with the zipper of his pants to quickly cover himself up in a useless attempt at modesty. It was too late, and we both knew it.

"Bella," Alice spoke sharply causing my head to snap back in her direction. "Get out of the car."

My voice caught in my throat as I attempted to form a reply. Closing my eyes briefly, I moved my trembling hand to the door handle to open it.

"Oh my god Edward," I whispered almost inaudibly. "What have I done?" I attempted to swallow, but my mouth was a desert.

"Bella," he breathed, the sound of his voice usually a calming effect just elicited an increase in my heart rate.

The strength in my hands seemed to dissipate and I struggled to open the door. Alice grasped the handle from the outside and tugged the door open in a swift motion. She stood back, giving me room to exit the car. Slowly, not trusting my legs to carry me, I stood from the vehicle and wrapped my arms tightly around myself. Alice didn't say a word; she just stood there staring at me while breathing shakily. I was lost in the sight of my betrayal, not even noticing that Edward had exited the car until he walked up and stood beside me.

"So is this it then?" Alice seethed.

"Alice," I croaked, my voice was lost with my saliva. "I can… I can explain."

"You can explain?" she repeated my words in disbelief. "I just caught you sucking Edward's dick, and you're telling me you can explain?"

"Alice," Edward said in a pained voice. "Listen—"

"No, Edward," Alice cut him off swiftly. "You don't exist to me right now. Back the fuck off."

He opened his mouth to rebut her, but I shook my head at him begging him to stop.

"I would like to talk to _my_ girlfriend, alone," Alice said through clenched teeth. "I'm going home now. Come _alone_, Bella." She cut her glare to Edward as if waiting for him to argue before turning and walking down the driveway toward her parked car a couple of houses down. No wonder neither of us saw her car to warn us of her presence.

"Bella, do you want me to come with you?" Edward asked as he brought a hand to my face to lightly caress my cheek. "This was both our faults, you don't have to face this alone."

"No," I whispered while shaking my head. "This is all me." My voice was shaky and tears of shame were streaming down my face.

His arms attempted to surround me in a hug, but I flinched away from the contact. "I have to go." I said, never meeting his eyes, and with a deep sigh of resignation, I walked around to the driver's side, got in and shut the door before I turned on the ignition.

I chanced a glance in the rearview mirror as I drove from Edward's and felt my heart nearly break the view. Edward stood in the street, watching me drive away. The drive seemed long at first, the normal couple of minutes dragging on for hours, but once I parked in the driveway of our house I wished the drive had lasted longer. I tried thinking of how I could save this. How I could possibly make Alice forgive me. But I was done with the lies. I was done being a bad person. I needed to tell her the truth; she deserved nothing but that.

Entering the front door felt wrong, like a joke. I played house with Alice for the last month and a half while living a double life with Edward, giving my body to him, and enjoying it. Falling for him, a part of me wondered if he had always had my heart. Being with him was as easy as breathing. It was natural.

I entered the living room and found Alice sitting on the couch with her face in her palms. My heart broke with every sob as tears ran down her face and neck.

"How long?" she sobbed, her voice weak with emotion.

My mouth opened to utter the words, but I couldn't find the strength to say them. I sat down next to her, and reached out my hand to touch her but quickly recoiled, not sure if she would accept my touch.

"How fucking long, Bella?" she cried, dropping her hands and looking straight in my eyes. The sight of her blood shot eyes sent daggers to my heart. "Say the fucking words! How long have you been fucking him, Bella?" Her body was shaking and I could tell she was barely hanging on as she spoke the words.

"A month and a half," I whispered with my eyes clenched tight.

"Fuck," she breathed. "I don't think I can handle this," she sobbed, each word punctuated with a weep.

"Alice," I breathed, not trusting my voice. "I'm so sorry, baby." I reached my hand out to touch her back, wanting to console the pain I was causing. The moment my hand touched her, she threw her head back with a whimper and stood up, pulling away from my tainted contact.

"You don't get to call me that, Bella," her voice was angry and pointed. "I want to know, and you're going to tell me. I deserve some fucking honesty," she demanded. Somehow, even through her tears, she was able to still exude strength. "How? And fucking why? Why would you do this to me? Why?!"

"I… I," I stuttered, not having a clue where to even start. "It happened once, right when we first started trying for a baby," I began, wanting to tell her it all. Get the truth out… finally. "After we did it, I freaked out. I came home to you and the guilt and regret was stifling," I paused to look at her face. The tears never stopped, nor did my own. "I tried to stay away from him, I really did—"

"But you didn't," she spat, cutting me off. "Dammit, Bella, were you thinking of anyone but yourself? Do you have any idea how the last month has been for me?" she said, though her voice cracked as she held off sobs. "I've been worried sick that you were still mad at me for that fucking kiss! But turns out you were fucking Edward the whole time."

I cringed at the statement no matter how true the words were. It still hurt to hear her say them. "I never meant to hurt you," I said softly, my voice barely above a whisper. "The situation spiraled out of control and I felt like I couldn't stop it in time."

"You were my best friend. My lover. My partner. Soon to be the mother of my child. My every-fucking-thing," she said in a shushed voice, shaking her head in disbelief. "It's all lost." Her words came out in a pained whisper. "Forever."

Those words. The words I had been expecting, but somehow hearing them killed me. I fucked up so badly, I broke her in two. She didn't deserve this.

I stood up slowly, watching her reaction as I stepped closer to her. Her eyes followed my movements but her body stayed planted in her position as I came to a stop a breath away from her. Slowly I lifted my trembling arms, gauging her body movements the whole time. She surprised me as she reciprocated my gesture and pulled me into a tight hug. We hugged in silence for a short time before she stepped away from me, and turned toward the hallway preparing to leave the room.

She paused her footsteps a moment, and turned her head slightly to speak over her shoulder, "Please, if you care about me at all, don't stay here tonight." She let out a long sigh. "It's too raw right now," her voice was low and grave, "and I can't look at you."

Tears rolled down my face as I watched her leave the room, listening to her footsteps as she walked down the hall and entered her studio, giving me time to pack for the night. I stood in silence for a moment before making my way down the hall and into our, no, her bedroom. I packed as much clothing as I could fit into my suitcase, and dragged it down the hall and out the door. Slowly I loaded it into the trunk before driving to Edward's.

When I arrived at Edward's, he was at my door helping me inside before I barely had a chance to put the car in park. He had been waiting for me. Once inside, we embraced for several minutes before he spoke.

"Are you ok?" he asked quietly, his hands still stroking my hair as he carefully watched my face.

"No," I answered truthfully.

He didn't say a word as he held onto me and brushed his lips against my forehead. I felt guilty for feeling comfort from his touch. Guilty for wanting his contact to numb the pain that was piercing through me. Slowly I lifted my eyes to meet his worried gaze, and pressed a light kiss to his lips.

"Make love to me." I breathed the words I had never spoken, but desperately wanted from him.

His eyes bored into my own, searching for reason. I could tell he was internally battling with whether or not this was the right thing. My need to feel him overpowered my senses; I wanted this comfort, as selfish as that was.

"Please, Edward," I begged quietly, peppering light kisses along his collar bone.

He let out a long breath before he gently scooped me up in his arms and carried me to his bedroom. He gently laid me on his bed and crawled on top of me. His lips found mine in a closed mouth kiss that sent shivers up my spine.

"Love, I think we should sleep first," he whispered as he hovered above me.

I reached my hands under his shirt and gently rubbed my fingers along his chest. He drew a hissing breath through his teeth, but still restrained himself. I pushed my hands against his chest, ushering him to lie on the bed next to me. Slowly and deliberately, I stripped my shirt and bra off followed by my pants and panties, leaving me completely naked next to a fully clothed Edward.

Little by little, I undressed him. Starting by gripping the hem of his shirt, I kept my eyes on his as I dragged the material up his toned chest and over his head. Lightly my fingers took hold of the button on his jeans and slipped it through the hole before unzipping them. His hips lifted slightly to help with shedding his pants. His concerned eyes never left my face as I crawled on top of his naked body and kissed my way up his chest. His body was bathed in shades of blue and gray as the moonlight entered his bedroom window and gave just enough light to see his heavenly face as he pulled my mouth to his. Our tongues languidly felt around each other's mouths; our breathing sped up as our bodies caught up with our intent.

Tenderly he rolled us over so he was once again hovering above me. The feel of his stiff erection pressed firmly against my upper thigh elicited a low moan from the back of my throat. I spread my legs further to accommodate his body, ushering him closer to me. Never breaking our kiss, he shifted his hips so I felt the tip of his manhood against my core. Unhurriedly he moved his hand down my side, finding purchase on my backside as he slowly lifted my hips and pressed himself inside me.

The feel of him inside me was a heavenly, if guilty, pleasure. A pleasure I wanted and took when it wasn't mine to have. I broke from our kiss and turned my head as he kissed my neck and shoulder. Tears began to fall from my eyes the more I felt him inside me. His thrusts came long and slow, filling me up fully before retracting halfway then back in fully again. My breathing hitched as I tried to cover up the crying that continued as we made love.

Love. There was no other way to describe how I felt for him. I wrapped my arms tighter around him, pulling him firmly against my body.

"I love you," I breathed directly into his ear. His movements slowed even further as he lifted his head to look me in the eyes.

"You don't know how long I've waited to hear you say that," he whispered, lifting his hand to wipe away a stray tear from my cheek. "I love you, too. I always have." His words came out in a choked whisper before his lips claimed mine once again.

Moments later our passion rose as his hips ground into mine while his thrusts became harder and faster. The momentum built up and my orgasm crept up on me quickly. It threw me into a spasm of pleasure causing me to moan, while eliciting a groan from Edward. His breathing sped up and hitched the moment his warmth spilled into me.

We held each other for a long while before breaking our connection, completely lost in each other. The love I felt from him as he nuzzled my neck and lightly feathered his fingers along my side was intense and incredible. I reveled in this feeling. That's when I realized the truth of our situation. Did I deserve to be this happy after what I had done to Alice? I knew the answer was no.

I closed my eyes as I slipped from his hold and sat on the side of his bed.

"Where are you going?" he asked, confused by my actions.

"I have to go," I replied as I stood and started pulling on my clothing.

"Where are you going?" He asked again, his voice rising in intensity, almost having a pleading undertone. Quickly he rose to his feet and came to stand next to me. His eyebrows came together in confusion.

I was fully dressed by the time I turned to look at him. My mind was tired, as was my body. I was tired of being selfish. Tired of putting my needs first and tired of holding Edward back. He could do better.

"We can't do this, Edward," I said quietly as the tears began to fall. "A relationship starting the way ours did, the cheating, the lies," I paused for a moment, placing a finger over his lips as he tried to interrupt me. "It's wrong. And I'm so sorry I let it go on as long as I did. It wasn't fair to anyone. Selfish, and wrong."

"I waited for years for you. Years," he said in a choked voice. "I admit we went about it the wrong way. But choosing not to keep what we have feels wrong just the same."

A sob broke through my throat before I stretched my arms out to wrap them around his neck. My lips found his, placing a soft closed mouth kiss on his soft pliant lips. His arms wrapped around my waist and held me close as I turned my head and held my cheek against his chest, listening to the loud rhythm of his heart.

"I love you," I whispered, meaning every syllable. I looked into his eyes as I dropped my arms from him and stepped from his embrace.

"No," he whispered, and I heard the pleading of his soul in that one tiny word.

Averting my eyes from his, not trusting my reaction if I saw the pain in his eyes, I left him. Somehow my legs took me to my car, and my fingers managed to get the keys in the ignition. I chanced a look at the house as I drove away. Standing, staring out the window, broken and confused, was Edward. Not caring that he was naked, not caring that tears streaked down his cheeks. The image forever burned into my memory. A reminder of the hurt I created.

The tears turned to sobs as the song on the radio seemed to be playing just for me. Just for us.

_Remember all the things we wanted_

_Now all our memories, they're haunted_

_We were always meant to say goodbye_

My phone blinked with a message from Edward. Too consumed with grief, I turned it off.

_Even with our fists held high_

_It never would have worked out right, yeah_

_We were never meant for do or die..._

Oh, Alice, we started this thing with such lofty intentions and high expectations, and all I succeeded in doing was destroy everything.

_I didn't want us to burn out_

_I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop..._

I never meant to fall in love with you. I never meant to love anyone but Alice. I just couldn't help myself.

_I want you to know_

_It doesn't matter where we take this road_

_Someone's gotta go_

_And I want you to know_

_You couldn't have loved me better_

_But I want you to move on_

_So I'm already gone_

Alice, you have such a good soul. You were nothing but good to me, but I didn't deserve you. I didn't deserve your love.

_Looking at you makes it harder_

_But I know that you'll find another_

_That doesn't always make you wanna cry_

_It started with the perfect kiss then_

_We could feel the poison set in_

_"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive_

_You know that I love you so_

_I love you enough to let you go_

Oh god, Alice, I'm so sorry. I thought we had a perfect life together, but when Edward kissed me the first time, I just couldn't stop it. And I can't live a lie anymore.

_I want you to know_

_It doesn't matter where we take this road_

_Someone's gotta go_

_And I want you to know_

_You couldn't have loved me better_

_But I want you to move on_

_So I'm already gone_

I can't stay with you Alice. I can't make you settle for second best. You deserve someone who loves you more than anything else in the world. You should never be someone's second choice.

_I'm already gone, already gone_

_You can't make it feel right_

_When you know that it's wrong_

_I'm already gone, already gone_

_There's no moving on_

_So I'm already gone_

Edward, I love you so much, but I feel our relationship came at the expense of Alice's happiness. I don't deserve happiness after what I've done to her.

_Ahhhh already gone, already gone, already gone_

_Ahhhh already gone, already gone, already gone _

_Remember all the things we wanted_

_Now all our memories, they're haunted_

_We were always meant to say goodbye..._

You said you'd always loved me. I believe I've always loved you too, but … but… there will always be a but…

_I want you to know_

_It doesn't matter where we take this road_

_Someone's gotta go_

_And I want you to know_

_You couldn't have loved me better_

_But I want you to move on_

_So I'm already gone_

Oh, my sweet Edward, you gave me a taste of what true love really is. I just wish I could grab that love. I wish I could be selfish and take what you offered me freely.

_I'm already gone, already gone_

_You can't make it feel right_

_When you know that it's wrong_

_I'm already gone, already gone_

_There's no moving on,_

_So I'm already gone_

Edward, I will hold your love always in my heart, but I'm not worthy to share your life. I'm not worthy to love you as you should be loved.

My tears were falling so fast now that I couldn't see the road. With my last coherent thought, I pulled the car to the shoulder of the road before I collapsed.

* * *

**AN: The song was _Already Gone_ by Kelly Clarkson, if you haven't heard it you must! **

**So Alice knows, that should make alot of you happy right? There will be a HEA, promise. I had a hard time writing this chapter, I hope it lives up to what you were hoping. If not, well, I'm sorry :) **

**Please go here www(dot)thefandomgivesback(dot)com for a really good cause.**

**If you like my story please go vote for me! I was nominated for Best Non-cannon couple category! www(dot)thesparkleawards(dot)webs(dot)com**

**Review's get a teaser once I get it written! xoxo  
**


	13. Finding Bella

**AN: Yeah... total suckage of not updating in SO long! I'm sorry. Not a day went by when I didnt feel guilty for leaving you all hanging. Good news, I passed the first and supposedly hardest term of nursing school! **

**Mcc101180: Thank you for being an awesome beta! I love you! **

**gossip_bangkok: You are such an awesome friend! Thank you for pre-reading :)**

**Tiff: I missed you 333**

**Luna: xoxo**

**Bellamadonna: Love you!**  


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**_Recap of chapter 12: Alice found out about the affair. Bella left Edward, crying and naked after asking him to make love to her. _**

_I remember what you wore on the first day  
You came into my life and I thought  
"Hey, you know, this could be something"  
'Cause everything you do and words you say  
You know that it all takes my breath away  
And now I'm left with nothing_

BPOV

Tap tap tap

I was startled awake, not consciously aware that I had even drifted off to sleep. Confused as to my surroundings, I looked around. It took a moment to realize that I was still in my car, on the side of the road, and had cried myself to sleep. _FUCK. _I wanted nothing more than to fall back asleep and finish the dream. The dream where I had not fucked everything up with Edward.

Tap tap tap

"Miss," a rather deep voice came from my left. "You can't park here."

Looking toward the voice, I spotted a plump gray haired man in a tan uniform. The star on his chest gave away his identity as a highway patrolman.

Quickly I rolled down my window to reply, "I'm sorry, sir, I didn't realize I fell asleep." I shot him a weak smile as I turned on the car and slowly pulled back onto the freeway.

A couple miles down I pulled into the rest stop and parked in the most isolated spot I could find, slightly obscured by fir trees and four foot high weeds. I knew I couldn't go back to my old life, and I knew I didn't want to, either. A life where I was just living, not fully feeling. A life where something was always missing without even knowing it until it was too late. And now that I had experienced what life could be like, I knew I wanted it. I knew that with Edward was where I wanted to be - wrapped up in his arms and held tightly, until the whole world fell away, leaving just us.

But I ruined any chances for us, tainted by an infidelity that felt more like a relationship than the friendship I knew Alice and I had.

Reaching for my phone, I absently dialed the office and told them I would be taking some time off. Told, not asked. I just didn't really give a fuck at this point whether I had a job when I came back. Right now, my priority was making an attempt at fixing things. Not knowing how to fix things was the hardest part of all.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, letting the events of the past few days run through my mind. How I wished I had never turned a blind eye to my feelings for Edward. Wished I had told Alice where my heart was. I had two people in my life that loved me, but I only loved one in the same way.

I shook my head, trying to rid the thoughts from my mind, unwilling to let myself succumb to despair at this very moment. I knew I needed somewhere to go, a place to regroup and think. Somewhere safe. In a matter of seconds had my mind made up; I would go to my father's and hope to God that the time spent there would be enough to figure it all out…where I would go from here, and how to go about it.

I made the six hour drive in four, and when I pulled in I was pleased to find the cruiser in the driveway. That meant Charlie was home. He answered the door with a shocked but excited expression.

"Bella, honey," he said softly, his excitement fading as he took in my withered appearance.

"Dad, I just need somewhere to stay for a while," I murmured, letting him pull me into a loose hug. He pulled back to look me in the face, but spoke no words. He didn't need to question; my face said it all.

Smiling meekly, I whispered thanks and took the stairs to my old room. It was just a guest room now, but the bed was inviting and so was the silence.

Days went by; I barely left the room to drink and ate just enough to stop the hunger pains. I felt myself drift further into my depression. Further into self loathing. Being holed up in this place, I was left with nothing more than my thoughts and memories of mistakes made and bad decisions. No, not bad decisions. Bad timing.

Unaware of how many days I had spent bunkered up in my old bedroom, but knowing I had to fight off exhaustion and attempt to do something. Attempt to piece myself together. I sat up and looked around the room; my eyes coming to rest on my old chest. A reserved smile came to my face as I walked across the room and kneeled in front of the cherry wood chest. Slowly I opened it, knowing what I would find inside. As a girl I stored my most prized toys inside, Rainbow Brite and Strawberry Shortcake. She had lost her strawberry scent in all the years since I had last seen her, but her red hair and freckled cheeks remained flawless.

Happy memories flooded my thoughts as I inventoried the contents of the receptacle, but none as happy as the one I felt when my hands landed on my journal. A diary of sorts, a place where I wrote my innermost thoughts from junior high and high school. It held the words of a self conscious little girl who had no idea how to get what she wanted.

_Seems nothing has changed. _

Gingerly I ran my finger over the gold embossed letters on the cover, _Bella's Journal_, and opened it slowly, exposing words written by my younger self. I took my time reading the pages, from the insecure writings of a twelve year old child, to the ramblings of my teenage self struggling with what book to write my term paper on. That's when I found it. My first entry dedicated fully to him. My heart pained a little as I began to read and tears pricked my sight.

_Edward called me his best friend today. Why does it bother me? Why do I wish when he hugged me goodbye at the end of the school day, that he would have held me longer? I want to say that I don't care that he thinks of me as only a friend. That I don't care that when he looks at me with his emerald eyes and I see them smile, that I wish I saw something more than friendship. _

_Dad asked me today what I want to be when I grow up. I blurted out the only answer I could think of… a poet. But that was a lie. _

_Bella Cullen. That is what I want to be. Bella Marie Cullen._

APOV

Minutes morphed into hours, and hours into days. Time kept moving, yet I wasn't. The phone may have rung a few times, but I just didn't give a fuck. Let the machine get it. I was beyond depressed; it was to the point of not taking care of myself and not even being bothered by it, which was just so unlike me. The crying had stopped and the pain in my chest subsided. Numbness lingered where my heart was, but somehow it beat, left with the innate knowledge that it only had to contract to keep me alive.

_I had this wallowing in self pity thing down, didn't I?_

Slowly I forced my eyes open and stared into the vast darkness of my bedroom. _My_ bedroom, it was just mine now. No warm body to share it with. Nothing but the surreal reality of being alone.

The shades were drawn but I could see bright light through the cracks in the curtain, telling me it was likely sometime in the afternoon. Slowly I sat up, and begrudgingly stood and allowed my legs to take me to my destination- the bathroom. I cringed at the reflection in the mirror. I looked hideous; bags under my eyes, hair looking like I fingered a light socket.

I shrugged out of my clothing and took a long shower, washing off the combined stench of failure and B.O. that came from a multi day self imposed pity party. I reached for the body wash and froze. The smell of it would make me think of her. I winced at the thought and grabbed the bar of soap from the sink and lathered up with it.

After toweling off, I knew it was time.

It had been weeks since I last saw Bella, or even another human being for that matter. I needed to get out of the house... enjoy myself for a while; get my mind off of things.

I took my time doing my hair and makeup, pleased by the wickedly hot pair of smoky eyes I ended up with. I pulled on a pair of skinny jeans, a blood red off-the-shoulder shirt and my favorite black high heeled boots. I may have felt like shit on the inside, but I was smoking hot on the outside. I garnished myself with a spritz of honey and walked out the door.

I shrieked in surprise when a body appeared in front of me, blocking my vision.

"Fuck!" I cried out, grabbing my chest in an effort to tame my shocked heart.

I took a moment to assess who was in front of me and saw Edward, looking as shitty as I felt. His hair was a mess, and he had large, dark circles under his eyes.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I spat, anger boiling inside me. I teetered on the edge of exploding.

"I need to see her." His voice was pained and scratchy.

"What do you mean?" I tried the best I could to control my innate need to rip his hair out. But looking into his eyes, dark and lost, I felt my anger turn into fear. "What do you mean, you need to see her?" I repeated.

"I know she's here; I_ need_ to see her." His voice was getting louder and his breathing was quick as he brought a shaking hand to his hair and pulled at it.

"She hasn't been here since it happened," I said quietly, shifting my eyes away from his.

"She's gone," he whispered as he closed his eyes tightly.

"Gone?"

"She left almost three weeks ago! Won't answer my calls or texts," he said with a frantic tinge to his voice. "I wanted to give her time, and give you time. But I _need_ to see her. I need to know she is ok."

"She's not here, Edward. I haven't heard from her either." My concern was growing.

"Listen," he said in an even tone. "I know we went about it the wrong way."

"Edward, I don't want—"

"Hear me out, please, Alice," he said with conviction. I closed my eyes and held my tongue. "I'm sorry for what we did, and how we went about it. But I have loved her for as long as I can remember. I loved her since I first laid eyes on her. I want you to know I am sorry."

His words caused something in me to snap and I could no longer stay quiet.

"Were you sorry when you were fucking her every chance you got? Were you sorry when you lied to my face? Were you sorry when you took the woman_ I_ loved for as long as _I_ could remember and turned her into someone I couldn't even recognize?"

I looked into his face and watched his normally defined features twisted into pain and sorrow. Edward began mumbling apologies over and over again. He was the vision of a man in pain, pain which was obviously genuine. And as much as I hated to admit it, I was starting to feel bad for him.

"I don't want to talk about this right now." My voice quivered with emotion, tears streamed down my cheeks. "I know we have a lot to talk about. But nothing is going to get resolved right now." I closed my eyes and exhaled a long breath.

At this point sorrys didn't matter. They were just words. Other words needed to be said, but between my anger and his obvious grief we would never get anywhere. "She probably went to her dad's." I turned to the house and waved Edward in behind me. "Give me a minute and I'll call."

Calling Charlie was quick, and to the point. Reluctantly he conceded that Bella was staying at his house. Living as a hermit, leaving her room only to eat. He was concerned, and by the end of the conversation he had asked me to come and talk to her.

"She's with her dad," I said evenly. "I'm going to drive there and talk to her." Meeting his eyes I gave him a pointed look. "Alone. I'll call you when I have something to tell you."

He nodded in agreement and quietly left the house on foot. I packed an overnight bag and left right away, headed for Charlie's and the woman who broke my heart; hoping to find her and figure out what was going on. I meant what I said to her before, we may have been lovers before, but were friends first. And she needed a friend.

BPOV

Snatching a a magazine to cover my purchase, I hoped no one could see what was underneath. A woman of my age should not be as scared as I was to buy one. But I was afraid, terrified even.

Mentally I counted the days in my head. It had been three weeks. Was it even possible? Quickly I paid and drove back to Charlie's in a fog. He had gone to work, leaving the house silent and it was the perfect time for what I needed to do.

I walked into the kitchen and poured a large class of orange juice, drinking it in less than a minute. Grabbing the package, I walked to the restroom and closed the door behind me. Moments after I used the toilet, I heard a knock on the door. Curious as to who could possibly be coming by the house at this time, I tip-toed to the front door and peeked out the peep hole, shocked to find Alice waiting on the other side.

"Alice?" I asked as I opened the door.

"Bella, we need to talk," she said, her voice even and low.

"Come in." My heart was beating a mile a minute, close to jumping out of my throat.

"It was a long drive," she murmured. "I'll be right back," she said as she turned toward the restroom.

Fear coursed through me when I realized where she was going, and what she would find. Quickly I raced behind her, but was a moment too late as she shut the door behind her.

"Bella?" she said, her voice high and surprised. "Oh god," she whispered.

Closing my eyes as she opened the door as I saw her face which was covered in shock and sadness. Tears streaming from her eyes, with the knowledge of what she held in her hands. I opened my eyes as I felt her handing something to me.

One positive pregnancy test.

* * *

**AN: Yes, I left it there. I promise no two month wait for next chapter. PROMISE!  
**

** Awesome story you should read but aren't: The Hot Corner by LZTZ and Dpattinson http://www . fanfiction . net/s/5282168/1/ **


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